


Route M-X

by yoomsthefool



Category: Kagerou Project, Mekakucity Actors
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Anime Spoilers, Eventual Happy Ending, Gen, Kagepro-canon deaths, Manga Spoilers, Novel Spoilers, Suicide, Time Loop, Yuukei Quartet - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 00:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 38,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17818112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoomsthefool/pseuds/yoomsthefool
Summary: Kisaragi Shintaro, first year high school student, awakens Retaining Eyes on a hot August day. With his memories of previous timeloops and August 15th quickly approaching, he has to find a way to stop his schoolmates and only friends from dying.Also, there's a snake in his head, apparently.





	1. Route M-1

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo it's me Yooms!
> 
> So Kagerou Daze manga chapter 69 spoilers came out like, literally yesterday and I thought of this fic based off what's been revealed! The spoilers for the manga itself won't show up until later, but so far this fic will be fresh with Mekakucity Actors and novel and PV spoilers. 
> 
> I suggest you read the tags if you haven't now, but WARNING again for depictions of suicide and character death. These are the same canon deaths that are shown in Kagepro, but still warning you all to be safe!
> 
> First chapter is kind of of the 'Prologue', so I uploaded ch 2 on the same day! Hope you enjoy!

_ When she wakes for the first time with him, the room is dark _

_ Static hums from the broken computer screen that creates the room’s only source of light _

_ His hands are shaking _

_ It was her first time seeing him since  _ **_that_ ** _ time. What was to be said? Hello? How are you?  _

**_Do you remember me?_ **

_ But her question fell on deaf ears _

_ She watches through his eyes _

_ A pair of scissors glint in his hand _

_ Curiosity _

**_What are you planning to do now?_ **

_ She finds his answer mere moments later _

_ It ends in a flash of metal and a burst of blood _

_ The last thing she thinks before everything goes dark _

**_What a vibrant color_ **


	2. Activation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shintaro remembers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summaries suck. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> WARNINGS: more depictions of suicide

3:00 PM. The Kisaragi household is quiet. With his mother at work and his sister’s still at summer classes, Shintaro relaxes on his bed and looks through his phone.

Today’s been a boring day. With it being summer, there’s nothing for him to do but stay at home and go on his computer. Today’s plans are to work on music, browse anime forums, buy dinner for him and Momo, and maybe look up and save some pictures while he’s at it. Another boring day.

_How predictable--_

It’s as if the sun went out. Blackness swallowed his vision, but before he could even begin to think of it suddenly the darkness fades into another picture. He’s back on his bed, but--those aren’t the clothes he was wearing earlier, why is his room dark now, why is there a pair of scissors in his hands--?!

_No, no, no, NO, what are you doing, WHAT AM I DOING?!_

A terrible, almost crunching noise, and blood splatters--

With a choked scream, Shintaro bolts upright and clutches his throat.

It’s intact, no blood pouring out of it, no scissors in his hands. His breaths rattle in his throat, as if his lungs can’t comprehend that he’s still alive.

“W- _What the fuck?_ ” he rasps, still grabbing at his throat. His eyes are squeezed shut but more images flash through his mind. His bedroom, a broken computer screen, a red pair of scissors--

He shuts his eyes, willing the images to go away, but they don’t. If anything, they repeat--over and over, a pair of hands turning over a pair of scissors, a broken computer screen, a girl clad in blue, looking up at his hands with wide eyes and _fear_ \--

“ _What is this?!”_

**_Do you finally remember now?_ **

The voice in that rings through his head is so loud, so _familiar_ that his panic momentarily freezes in shock, then comes back tenfold as he starts shaking.

“A-Ayano?” he mutters, looking around, but there’s no one else in the room with him. “W-What--are you here..?!”

No response. His room is quiet except from the sound of his own ragged breathing.

“Wh… What’s going _on_ …” Shintaro mutters as he presses his hands against his eyes. No use, no use--the images just keep coming back--broken computer screens, scissors, blood, blood, _blood--_

**_Do you remember now?_ **

The voice, again. _Her_ voice. It’s so loud, but he can’t tell where its coming from at all--if anything, it sounds like it’s coming from his own head. Besides himself, he finds himself answering.

“R- _Remember?!_ ” Shintaro chokes out, “Remember _what?!_ What are these things I’m seeing right now..?!”

**_These are your memories of has already happened and what is to happen, should things remain as they are._ **

The words make no sense, the _voice in his head_ makes no sense either.

“What the fuck..?” Shintaro mutters, then asks, louder, “Who _are_ you?! And why do you sound like Ayano?!”

**_Oh, don’t tell me you don’t remember. I told you who I am so many times already. I just told you last time, didn’t I?_ **

“ _Last time_ \--Ngh!!” Shintaro winces as another wave of images forced itself into his vision. Blood, scissors--a _conversation,_ with the same voice that is currently echoing in his head.

“My… You’re my ‘power’..?” he whispers.

**_So you do remember me… Yes, that is correct. I am the power that lives within you and has been with you for a very, very long time._ **

“I… I don’t understand,” Shintaro whispers. He can hear the conversation he and the voice apparently had before, clear as if it had happened like any other scene in his life, as if it’s a _memory_ … “This _power_ …”

**_The power to remember._ **

“That.. That doesn’t make sense--!” Shintaro shouts, louder. “What, what are these _horrible_ things I’m seeing--?!”

He cuts himself off with a gasp. A strange feeling passed through him as he uttered those words, as if he had already said them hundreds of time before.

**_Deja vu?_ **

“ _Shut up!_ ” Shintaro yells, grasping at his hair now. He stares at his bedsheets as he shouts, and maybe it’s the yelling that allows him to ground himself, just a little. The images stop.

“This doesn’t make _sense!_ You’re telling me these things are my _memories?!_ ” he continues. “Why should I even believe you?! You’re just a fucking voice in my head!”

**_Oh… This is new. Before you would just listen to me without doubting me…_ **

**“** No, I’m _pretty_ sure I doubted a ghost voice in my head,” Shintaro snaps.

 **_I’m not a figment of your imagination, if that’s what you’re thinking,_ ** the voice says. Despite it being _her_ voice, it doesn’t fluctuate at all, calm and even, almost pleasant. It’s chilling. **_Do you want me to prove to you that I am real?_ **

“No, I want you to stop talking, voice in my head,” Shintaro mutters. His breaths are still shuddering.

**_No._ **

“What--?!”

**_Calm down. Nothing good is going to come from panicking, unless you want to end this early?_ **

“Early…?” Shintaro mutters, then frowns, thinking. “When did I…?”

 **_Besides, isn’t it time for dinner now,_ **the voice says, somehow managing to make its question sound a lot more like a statement.

“Dinner?” Shintaro repeats, confused. “What does that have to do with..”

**_Your sister will be coming home from school soon. At this time you’re already at the convenience store because, you know, you’re out of soda._ **

“ _What_ are you talking about--?” Shintaro mutters, but a flash of images pass through his head _again_ \--this time of.. The local convenience store, his own hands searching through the instant bentos.

He frowns, both relieved that it’s not an image of blood or scissors and annoyed, because, “Stop with the images, they’re annoying! Are _you_ doing that?!”

 **_I am your power, but it’s still_ ** **your** **_power. It’s not my fault if you can’t control it just yet._ **

“What, so you _are_ doing this, then.”

**_Nope. Those are your memories of today, that you remembered on your own._ **

“My memories of ‘today’... That’s…” Shintaro trails off.

**_Well? Are you going to buy food or are you going to let you and your sister starve?_ **

“Shut up,” Shintaro grouches, but he’s not yelling anymore as he stands up and goes to his closet. He pulls on a simple outfit of sweats and a t-shirt and pulls on the red jersey. “This changes _nothing_. I still don’t believe you.”

Shintaro’s walk to the convenience store is brisk as he thinks to himself that this is stupid, he’s delirious, this is _wrong_.

 _I’m just tired, or I have vitamin deficiency.. That must be it…_ he thinks as he walks. _There’s no way that this is real, there’s no way that these things actually happened…_

He arrives at the convenience store, grateful that the thoughts in his head are only his own. The voice hasn’t talked at all since he left his house--maybe it was just a product of him being stir crazy! That’s it! Wow, maybe the outdoors aren’t so bad after all.

He picks up his and Momo’s bentos and a couple six packs of soda. He’s finally feeling the tightness in his chest relax as he walks to the checkout counter when--

**_You should buy a mug._ **

Shintaro curses, nearly dropping his shopping basket, and halts in his tracks.

He silently tells himself to ignore the voice and goes to take another step--

**_Hey, don’t ignore me._ **

“Shut _up_ ,” Shintaro whispers under his breath. People are giving him weird looks, so he hurries away to an unoccupied aisle. “And why the fuck should I buy a mug??”

**_Momo’s going to break her favorite cup today after dinner, so tomorrow you buy her a new mug. You can buy her one now instead. It’s happened over and over, don’t you remember?_ **

Shintaro frowns, then scowls.

**_You do, don’t you?_ **

“Shut _up_ ,” Shintaro hisses, already walking back to the checkout counter.

**_You still don’t believe me? Even when you remember it yourself?_ **

_Seriously, shut up!_ Shintaro thinks harshly as he buys the bentos and soda. The voice goes quiet, thankfully, and he leaves the store.

“Suppose,” he mutters under his breath as he walks. He feels stupid, talking to a voice in his head aloud, but he has to put his thoughts together and it’s hard when said voice can interrupt his thinking. “Suppose you’re actually real and not just a voice in my head. Then, why should I even believe that these are actual memories. They can be fake if you’re actually a supernatural being who can help me ‘remember stuff’.”

No response from the voice.

“There’s _no way_ those things can actually happen,” Shintaro says firmly.

**_They already did._ **

_This is stupid,_ he thinks, and the voice doesn’t reply, and it thankfully doesn’t bother him for the rest of the way home.

He opens the front door and is immediately greeted by Momo’s voice, ringing from the kitchen, “Onii-chan, is that you??”

“Ah, Momo,” he calls back as he closes the door. Momo appears at hallway, eyes brightening at the shopping bags in his hands.

“Oh, food! I just got back from classes and I’m sooo hungry!” Momo cheers, hopping over and grabbing one bag from him. “Ooh, tonkatsu! I’ll take that!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Shintaro says, “Just give me back my bento..”

He takes the bag back from back her, then frowns. “... Do you want to eat together, Momo?”

“Wh--Really?” Momo asks in surprise. “Wh-What’s with that, Onii-chan? Are you feeling alright?”

“Nevermind,” Shintaro mutters, already backtracking, and he waves his hand and starts walking away. “I’ll just eat in my room.”

Momo doesn’t respond to that, so he enters his room and sets his bags down on the floor by his desk with a sigh. He’s not feeling hungry at all, to be honest.

**_That was different._ **

He flinches, then frowns. “What, you’re still here?”

**_I am a part of you, so yes. I am still here._ **

“Listen, just leave me alone,” Shintaro grumbles. “If you’re just going to be a voice in my head then, I don’t know, shut up? Fuck, maybe I should see a doctor…”

There’s no response to that, thankfully, so he lies back down in bed. The past couple hours had made him _exhausted_ , and the bed’s wonderfully comfortable and this silence is so much better than the voice of his friend showing him horrible things.

He feels his eyelids grow heavy, then flutter closed…

_A vase of flowers, sitting peacefully on a desk._

He sits up with a gasp, just as the faint sound of crashing glass comes muffled from his doorway.

“M-Momo?” he calls, standing up and hurrying to the doorway. “Are you alright?”

“Y-Yes! I’m fine, Onii-chan!” Momo’s voice answers.

He enters the kitchen to find her crouching over what is left of a cup, now shattered pieces of porcelain strewn over the floor. She gives him a sheepish smile.

“Sorry… I slipped on my way to the sink. I’ll go clean this up now…”

“It’s alright,” Shintaro says automatically, walking to the closet and getting out a broom and pan. “It’s good that you didn’t get hurt.”

Momo watches as he sweeps up the mess, looking somber. He looks up at her, frowning.

“... That was your favorite mug, wasn’t it?” he asks.

Momo looks at him in surprise. “Oh! ... Uh, actually, it was…”

He looks down, then nods. “I see…”

“S-Sorry… I’ll just go back to my room now… Thanks for the food, Onii-chan,” Momo murmurs sadly before walking away. Shintaro watches her go and sighs.

He’s walking back to the convenience store, hands in pockets, when he mutters, “This doesn’t change anything.”

The voice doesn’t respond.

Without hesitation, he picks out the ugliest mug he finds on the shelf and buys it, then briskly walks back home. In no time at all he’s at Momo’s bedroom door and knocks.

She opens the door, confused. “Onii-chan…?”

“Here,” he says, holding out the bag for her.

She takes the bag, eyebrows furrowed, and then looks into it. Her expression morphs instantly as a huge smile spreads over her face.

“Wh--What’s this? _What’s this?!”_ she asks as she holds up the mug, dropping the bag to the floor. “This is so _cute!_ ”

“Y-Yeah…” Shintaro says, feeling another sense of deja vu… _But this is different, isn’t it…?_

“Thank you, Onii-chan!” Momo’s voice brings him back to reality, and he looks at her with a sheepish smile.

“Don’t think about it..” he answers, already walking away with a wave of his hand. “And be careful with this one, alright?”

“I will!” Momo says, waving back to him. He slips back to his room, shutting the door and leaning against the doorway with a frown.

As the voice had said, he remembers the whole scenario. Momo had broken her mug while he was in his room.. But he remembers buying her the cup the next day. So instead he bought her it today, but her reaction to the mug was… almost the same as before.

What’s even going on?

“... Okay, seriously,” he finally whispers, walking to his bed so that he can’t be overheard. He takes a seat at the edge. “Who _are_ you?”

The voice replies instantly, **_You’re asking me this again? I already told you, I’m--_ **

“No!” Shintaro interrupts. “Okay, you’re a ‘power’ I get it. But you’re clearly a person or sentient being or something!”

**_… And?_ **

“Ugh!” Shintaro throws his hands into the air, exasperated. “I guess--Do you have a name?”

No response. He furrows his eyebrows and opens his mouth to say something else--

**_I suppose, if I have a name… I would be called the ‘Snake of Retaining Eyes’._ **

Shintaro pauses, then frowns. He doesn’t remember hearing this before.

“... Snake?” he finds himself asking.

**_Yes, snake._ **

“Why a snake...?”

**_I’m a snake._ **

“ _What?_ ”

**_I’m a snake._ **

“What do you _mean_ you’re a _snake?_ ”

 **_I_ ** **mean** **_I’m a_ ** **snake** **_._ **

“You’re a _snake._ ”

**_Yes, I’m a snake._ **

“Like the reptile, snake.”

**_Well I’d say I’m a bit more than a normal snake, but I’m a snake._ **

“No limbs, no eyelids, scales, snake.”

**_I guess, yes._ **

“And with a girl’s voice,” Shintaro finishes.

**_Yes, I am a girl._ **

“..........” Shintaro doesn’t know how to respond, so he says, “You’re fucking _weird_.”

**_And you’re rude. Are you done insulting me after I answered all your questions?_ **

“Wow,” Shintaro grouches, crossing his arms. “Okay, listen, ‘Snake of Retaining Eyes’. That’s _way_ too long of a name. I’m not calling you that.”

**_You don’t have to call me anything._ **

“If you’re going to stay in my head then I might as well call you _something_ ,” Shintaro says with a wave of his hand. “It’s really stupid that I’m still talking to you, but you’re not getting out, so!”

**_Then what are you going to call me?_ **

He frowns, then thinks. Calling her Ayano or any variation of that is way too creepy, even if she sounds _just_ like her…

_Snake of Retaining Eyes… Hebi no Me ni Yakitsukeru… Yakitsukeru..._

“Yaki,” he deadpans.

**_Excuse me?_ **

“Yaki. I’ll call you that,” he says.

**_That’s a dumb nickname._ **

“Wow, you sure have attitude for a snake,” Shintaro replies, lying down on his bed with his arms crossed below his head. “How does a snake even know what a nickname is?”

**_I told you, I’m not a normal snake. I am your power too._ **

“That makes _no_ sense.”

**_As much sense as ‘Yaki’? What are you planning to do with that name? Grill me? Do you eat grilled snake?_ **

“Shut up, no,” Shintaro snaps. “You’re annoying! How do I get you out of my head?!”

**_I don’t know if that’s possible. I’ve been with you for a very, very long time already. I am not leaving you so easily._ **

“You…” Shintaro swallows. “That sounded _so_ creepy.”

No response.

“And that you sound just like Ayano… This is so fucking weird… How am I even supposed to react when I see her next… I don’t get it…”

No response. His mutters trail off into the silence of his mind and room, and he eventually drifts to sleep.

* * *

_He doesn’t know this, as the one thing he can't ever seem to remember is his dreams, but he sleeps a dreamless sleep._

* * *

Shintaro wakes up the next morning with his mom yelling at him to not leave uneaten food in his room. He goes down to eat breakfast with her and Momo, and the two rush off to go to work and school. He waves them off from the doorway and closes the front door, shutting the awful August heat away from his gloriously air conditioned world.

Another summer day. Another boring day. Another _predictable_ day.

Except when he returns to his desk and turns on his computer, his eyes catch the red pair of scissors on his desk and he flinches. Did he always just leave that there? He isn’t exactly the neatest person, but that’s just _dangerous_ …

He stares at the scissors with apprehension. It’s weird. He can’t… _remember_ the feeling of scissors plunging into his throat. But he could see it happening, in his own point of view… Over and over, multiple times, all ending in the same spray of blood… Those _were_ from his eyes he was seeing from, right…?

He looks away from the scissors, desperately. He can’t even bring himself to touch it.

The silence in his room is deafening. All he can hear is his own heartbeat.

He turns on his computer. He should play some music, maybe a video game. Something. Anything.

His hand hovers his mouse, then falls to his desk.

“... Yaki?” he says, softly.

**_Don’t call me that._ **

Even as he was prepared for it, he still flinches at her sudden ‘appearance’, if it can even be called that.

“Ah.. Um..” he stammers, trying to steel himself.

**_What did you call me for?_ **

“... I guess… To see if you really are real…” Shintaro says slowly, reaching up and covering one eye with his palm.

**_Do you really believe that I’m real now?_ **

“I’m… I’m not saying that, but… These _images_ that I keep seeing... “ he says, frowning. “These are from your ‘power’ right?”

 **_It’s your power as much as mine. It’s more as if… I_ ** **am** **_the power manifested. But it is yours._ **

“That… Hm. Okay. But so then _why_ do I have this power?”

**_Over and over you ask this… Do you really not remember the promise that you made with the Queen?_ **

“The Queen…” Shintaro repeats, then his eyes widen as a face comes into his vision. Red eyes brimming with tears and a manic, hope-filled smile, scales reaching up her face and short white hair flowing… And then everything goes dark.

“That… That girl…?” Shintaro asks. He can’t place a name on her. “I don’t understand, though. I’ve never seen her in all my life… And I can’t remember anything else about her, besides what I just saw…” He pauses. “You _do_ know what I just saw, right?”

**_I can see what memories you are seeing, yes. And yes, that is the Queen. She is the one who created me and gave me to you a long, long time ago._ **

Shintaro frowns further in confusion. “A ‘long time ago’... But Yaki, I can remember everything that’s ever happened to me in my life. It’s always been that way. But, I don’t remember a promi--”

_“Don’t forget this tragedy.”_

He stops at the voice that rings out in his mind, neither Yaki’s nor his.

His heart nearly stops in his chest at the sudden _fear_ that grips him, and he pauses as he breathes in sharply.

“What… What _tragedy_?” he asks, his voice nearly a whisper.

No response, then, **_You forgot?_ **

“What… I…? No…” he frowns. “I don’t know what this ‘tragedy’ is..”

A long pause, then, **_I… I suppose that… makes sense. You only retain your own memories._ **

“H-Huh?” Shintaro stammers.

**_… No. Nevermind me._ **

“W-What? Yaki…?” Shintaro frowns. “I don’t get it…! Just tell me, what the fuck is this ‘tragedy’?!”

**_Listen… A long time ago, you made a promise with the Queen to remember the neverending tragedy that you and the ones you are close to are trapped in._ **

Shintaro feels as if all his breath has been knocked out of his body. “W-What…”

**_This neverending tragedy… It has happened and is currently happening now, and will continue to happen unless you remember and things change._ **

“What… I don’t…”

 **_You didn’t really forget, did you? ........ Of course you didn’t,_ ** she sneers. **_You of all people would not forget about the tragedy that will happen on August 15th._ **

Shintaro nearly jerks out of his chair as an image, one that he’s already seen before, flashes before his eyes.

_A vase of flowers, sitting peacefully on a desk._

**_This tragedy that has repeated itself endlessly, and will again._ **

“Ayano…”

Shintaro glances at his computer screen, the date _August 09th, 2012_ written on it.

His blood runs cold.

“N-Next week… Ayano is… going to die…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaki's kinda hard to write, so ty for members from both Dani and my discord servers for helping me figuring out both how to write her personality and also kagepro canon facts that helped me plan this fic. \o/ Ty for reading!


	3. August 9th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six days left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey! Thank you so much for following Route M-X! 
> 
> This chapter and upcoming ones will be longer than Ch 2, sorry for those that don’t like huge chapters QuQ Also until August 15th it's a lot of Exposition, so thank you for your patience!!! 
> 
> I’m currently looking for a beta reader and maybe even an illustrator, so if you’re interested please let me know! I’ll make sure the favor’s returned! ‘O’ My info will be at the end of this ch!
> 
> CH WARNING: talk of suicide & death

“Next week… Ayano is… going to die?”

Even as he says them, his words sound preposterous. Ayano, dead? Next week? Last time he saw her, she was laughing and smiling………….

_No, that’s wrong._

The last time he saw her was on the last day of classes before summer vacation, as they were walking home. She was walking just besides him while he went home, and he...

 _That’s right_. That conversation on the bridge, with summer’s sunset washing over them both…

Intense guilt crashes over him.

How many times has he shoved her away? How many times did he walk away from her for the last time, not looking back? How many times has it ended the exact same way?

The memory of that dying summer day was so vivid. The regret of those words--regret that he has not felt until _now_ , but had also already felt so many times before--hung heavy in his heart. That guilt, that _despair_ \--

He can’t deny that’s it real.

“I remember it… Ayano really _did_ die the 15th of this month…”

 **_And not only that_ ** , Yaki reminds him, coolly, pleasantly. She’s calmed down from whatever mood she was in earlier, back to using her usual sweet monotone. **_What else happens?_ **

“After that…” Shintaro closes his eyes as the memories seep into his vision...

_Him at her funeral, looking down at the white chrysanthemums that adorned her closed casket. That would be the last time he ever went outside._

_Him at the student memorial service on the first day of fall term, standing at the very back of the auditorium as he listened to the teachers’ drone about young lives cut short. He dropped out that very day._

_At the memorial service, in front of the assembly of white flowers, were two portraits._

_The other portrait..._

“Haruka, too…” he whispers. “He died of natural causes, that same day…”

**_And?_ **

Shintaro’s shaking his head, but more memories barge in regardless.

_Him running to an empty classroom that resembled more of a storage closet._

_Him standing at the school gates after sixth period even when it was still his summer vacation, waiting until it became dark._

_Him searching desperately for the last person who can give him even an ounce of comfort after hearing the terrible news, because she was_ their _friend too…_

_Him finding the paper on the bulletin board, finally realizing that he’s alone._

“Enomoto…” Shintaro finishes. “She… She was last seen going to school on August 15th, by her grandmother, according to that missing person flyer.”

**_Good to see that you remember._ **

Her praise sounds so dry. He grimaces.

“That’s… All I know, though…” he says. He never bothered watching the news about them or looking deeper into their deaths, too wrapped up in his own grief to try to find out more… And a part of him regrets it now, as he realizes just how little he knows about the situation.

“They all leave on the same day… How is that even possible?” he asks. “Haruka dying by his illness is one thing, but Enomoto disappearing… And Ayano committing suicide?”

Suicide. Right. That’s what she did that August day, from the rooftop of the school.

He shudders.

“It… It doesn’t make _sense_ … She’s not the type of person to just do that…” he says. “Just _why_ would she kill herself…?”

He blinks as another memory brings itself to light, one that he actually already experienced.

 _The last day of middle school. Him walking to the school entrance, feeling no joy towards the upcoming vacation. Passing by his classroom, he turned his head to see_ her _, staring out the window with a paper crane on her desk._

_Despite seeing the tears glistening on her cheeks, he turned away and kept walking._

“........ _That?_ ” he whispers. He remembers thinking back to the same memory, repeatedly--the memory that haunted him for years turned decades. “Was _that_ the first sign…? Did I…?”

_Another memory. Ayano’s face, scuffed with dirt and furious._

_“This is all_ **_your_ ** _fault!”_

“That… That confirms it, doesn’t it,” he says quietly, looking down. “This… For Ayano, this really is all my fault....”

There’s no response for a long moment, as he’s left ruminating in his own thoughts and memories, but eventually Yaki replies,

**_Now that you remember everything, what will you do?_ **

The same question she had asked him many times already. She always asked him that right before everything ended, when it was already too late, but this time…

“I can’t just sit here and do nothing,” he finds himself saying. “I can’t--I can’t just let them all die!”

If there’s even a possibility he can save them from the fate August 15th has planned for them, then he should try, shouldn’t he? Or else--or else--

The gleam of scissor blades flashes through his mind.

He shudders.

 **_So,_ ** **what** **_are you going to do?_ **

Shintaro frowns. “You mean, like a plan, right…? I… I don’t know right now... “ He thinks over it. “I haven’t seen Haruka for a couple weeks now, and I haven’t seen Ayano and Enomoto since before summer vacation… All three of them are in school right now, aren’t they? Or at least, they should be.”

**_That’s true._ **

Shintaro nods. “I… I think I’ll go see them, then. I can check up on them, see how they’re doing right now… At the very least, I can see if anything unusual is going on with them.”

Seeing them after all these painful memories might quell some of the panic in his chest anyway… He realizes that he _wants_ to see them. All three of them. _Badly_.

 **_Yes, that sounds correct,_ ** Yaki replies. **_You do that, then._ **

“I will…”

It’s not much of a plan, but it’s a place to start. His muddled mind can’t think of what else to do, so he looks at the time--and scowls. It’s not even noon yet. Even if those three don’t have any extracurricular activities, there’s still a few hours left until the end of class time, and as much as he’d like to, he’d get in a hell of a lot of trouble if he just burst into their classrooms to look for them…. And with recent revelations, he doubts he can just lie down and take a nap to kill time.

Well, he’s dealt with free time in many ways already. He could just do it again. What did he do last August 9th anyway? Wake up late, not get talked to by a snake in his head, not realize that his friends were going to die… And go on the internet, for the whole day. Like a useless idiot.

 _Past me really had it easy,_ he thinks. _He really just lived in ignorance while all of this was happening, huh…_

_And then..._

He should really just distract himself, just let time pass by… With what little leads he has, there’s not much he can do besides just go to school today and try to meet up with the others…

“Yaki?” Shintaro asks, besides himself with nerves.

**_Yes?_ **

He exhales slowly, not realizing he was holding his breath. He wonders what it is about talking to someone, even the goddamn voice in his head, that can be so relieving.

“Your full name. ‘Snake of Retaining Eyes’...” he starts. Yeah, he can talk about this. “I get that you’re a snake, apparently, but what’s the last part? ‘Retaining Eyes’?”

 **_Really? You’re just going to continue a past conversation as if it’s nothing?_ **Yaki asks.

“Well I remember the conversation, and I know you do too,” Shintaro argues. “So what’s wrong with that?”

 **_… I suppose,_ ** she relents. **_Well… My power is to ‘retain’ the memories that you have made through our ‘eyes’._ **

“So these ‘memories’...” Shintaro says, choosing one thing to focus on at a time. “They’re like... from what? Alternate dimensions?”

**_No, these are pasts that have already happened._ **

He squints. “So… Like… What’s that word… Past ‘timelines’?” He blinks. “Time’s repeating itself?”

**_You can put it that way._ **

“But _why…?_ ” he asks.

No response.

He waits, but Yaki still doesn’t respond. He frowns.

“Yaki?”

**_I don’t like repeating myself._ **

He sighs. “So you already answered that question, is that what you’re saying…?”

No response.

“Fine,” Shintaro sighs, crossing his arms. Figure that the snake in his head is a stubborn, annoying creature.

 _What has she talked about before…?_ He thinks. _So something out there is repeating time… Is it another snake like her? Or a person?_

_“Don’t forget this tragedy.”_

“The Queen?” he asks. “She’s the one repeating time, because of this ‘tragedy’?”

No response, but he feels like he’s right, so he continues, “But by repeating time, it just keeps happening again and again, as you put it… Is she doing that on purpose?”

 **_… When she first entrusted me to you, she reset time with hope,_ **Yaki finally says.

“Hope…” Shintaro repeats. He remembers her eerie smile tries not to shudder.

**_But right now, she doesn’t have me, so she doesn’t have the power to remember the past. She doesn’t know that the tragedy will occur each time anymore, nor does she even know that time’s resetting to begin with._ **

Shintaro frowns, confused. “She doesn’t? But isn’t it _her_ power?”

**_She doesn’t know that she has that power until it’s too late. Much like yourself._ **

“What’s that…. supposed… to mean…” His words lose steam as the memories easily come back. Scissors, for the millionth time. The rededuncy of it, for once, does little to calm him. The opposite, really.

“By resetting time, though,” he says, hastily steering the topic back. “Didn’t she know that this would happen though? Isn’t that _dangerous_?”

 **_Did she know_ ** **what** **_would happen?_ **Yaki asks.

“That she wouldn’t remember the timelines anymore, of course!” Shintaro answers. “Isn’t it better for her to remember instead of me? I don’t even know her in this timeline, I haven’t met her in the past timelines--And how is she involved in any of this anyway? Why am I involved with her? Just why did she choose ME?”

 **_How many times are you going to ask me this...?_ ** Yaki asks, almost sounding annoyed. **_You promised her, and she trusted you. That is why._ **

“But that… She did that to stop this cycle, but it’s still going on, right…? So it’s not working...” His eyes widen. “Yaki… How many times has time repeated, since I made this ‘promise’...?”

**_I stopped counting._ **

Shintaro’s too stunned to answer.

 _I… Didn’t she already tell me about the Queen’s ‘promise’ all the other times?_ he thinks. Thinking back on it, she definitely had, repeatedly. _But… Why does it keep ending like_ that _?_

He shakes his head, trying not to think about it. _That_ happened in the past timelines. He’s not going to let it end like that so easily, this time.

“.... Going back,” he starts, his voice duller, “in the conversation. ‘Retaining Eyes’, right? You said your power is ‘to retain the memories that you have made through our eyes’.” Air quotes. “What did you mean by that? _Our_ eyes?”

He blinks as an answer comes easily enough. “Oh, is it from _my_ eyes because all these memories are from my point of view…?”

 **_That is how eyes and memories generally work, yes,_ ** Yaki answers dryly. **_But the memories that are recorded are from my eyes as well. Both of us must be looking at what’s happening to ‘retain’ it._ **

“I see,” Shintaro says. “That’s an interesting way to put it… So all these things I can remember, it’s because you were looking too.”

 **_That’s correct…_ ** Yaki pauses. **_Oh, right._ **

“Huh?”

**_You should look in a mirror._ **

“A mirror?” Shintaro repeats, confused. “What, now?”

**_Yes, while we are talking. Go on._ **

“Don’t boss me around,” Shintaro retorts, but he’s already getting up from his desk and heading to the bathroom. _A mirror? What for?_

He finds his answer soon enough, as he enters the bathroom and flips on the lights.

“... What?” He leans into his reflection. “... My eyes..”

His own impassive glare, almost glowing with a brilliant red color, stares back at him.

 **_That is the physical proof of your power, of the me that resides inside of you,_ ** Yaki explains, then she _sighs,_ something he hasn’t heard from her before. **_It would’ve been a lot easier if I had remembered to show you this yesterday when you didn’t believe me, but you never looked in a mirror after activating me before. I nearly forgot that this is what happens._ **

“ _You_ nearly forgot?” Shintaro asks, frowning at his reflection. “And wait--’activating’ you? You mean when I start talking to you and start remembering past timelines?”

**_More or less._ **

He tries to remember, and he does--but it’s back in his dark bedroom, with the broken computer screen and scissors and--he casts those memories away.

A part of him thinks that it’s strange, that in _every single_ other timeline he remembers, he only started talking to Yaki after doing _that_ … But the rest of him _desperately_ wants to stop thinking about it.

**_That’s quite an expression you’re making there._ **

Shintaro snaps out of his thoughts, realizing that he’s still facing the mirror. “Oh right, you’re still here…” He trails off, then blinks.

Wait.

“ _Wait. Yaki._ ”

**_Hm?_ **

“Yaki,” Shintaro says again, gripping the edge of the sink counter. He stares at the white porcelain, eyes wide. “You… You can see _everything_ I can see, right…?”

A short, questioning silence, then, **_Yes?_ **

Shintaro chokes. “For _how long--?!”_

 **_How long?_ ** Then, while Shintaro’s too embarrassed to answer, **_Oh, you mean since how far back? Well, I told you before, right? Our power requires both our pairs of eyes to work… So I’ve been looking through your eyes as far as you can remember, to put it in terms._ **

“As _far as I can remember?_ ” Shintaro repeats, aghast. “B-But, but--that’s--?!”

 **_Yeah, since birth_ **, Yaki answers, almost sounding smug.

Oh, the horror.

“B-B-But you never talked to me until I’m eighteen!” Shintaro shouts. “And even now, I’m sixteen!”

 **_Well, I can’t talk to you until activation, but I’m still aware of what’s happening before then,_ ** Yaki replies. **_I have to be awake to help you record your memories of each life, after all._ **

“That--But--So--” Shintaro stammers, not knowing where to _start_ . “S-So you’re telling me… You’ve seen… _everything?!”_

**_… Yes?_ **

Shintaro looks up at his own reflection. His entire face is the same color as his eyes, and he covers it with one hand in embarrassment as the other hand gestures at his own body wildly. “ _Even--?!_ ”

**_Yep._ **

“But you’re a _girl_ ,” Shintaro whispers, mortified.

**_Yes, I am aware of that._ **

This is what living in a nightmare must feel like, he thinks numbly.

He looks away from the mirror, covering his chest with both arms. “I feel violated...” he mutters. “Pervert… You’re a pervert, aren’t you?”

**_You should do some introspection before accusing others of being a pervert, especially with your questionable tastes._ **

Shintaro covers his eyes with both hands and groans, loudly. “Oh my god. Holy shit. _Fuck._ ”

A few more strings of curse words later, Yaki asks, **_Are you done?_ **

“NO!” Shintaro shouts, looking up and glaring back at his reflection, still red-faced. “Do you have an ‘OFF’ button??  Is there a way to make you NOT look?!”

**_Why would I? I was tasked to help you remember--_ **

“I’d like my privacy, thank you very much!” Shintaro snaps. “Like, right now! I just remembered--I need to shower!”

**_Well, you can just close your eyes then. I can’t see anything when your eyes are closed._ **

“And take a shower _blind?_ ” Shintaro asks, exasperated.

**_Well, you can just open your eyes when you’re not looking at yourself--_ **

“ _Yaki,_ ” Shintaro interjects. “ _No._ ”

He sighs at his reflection, which glares back at him.

“Can’t _you_ close _your_ eyes?” he asks, still stubborn.

Yaki sighs, again. **_Fine._ **

“What--” Shintaro starts, “ _‘Fine’?!_ Are you telling me you could’ve just done that _the whole time--?!”_

 **_I don’t see what the issue is now?_ ** Yaki says. **_I’ve_** ** _seen you naked thousands of times already._**

“Oh my god,” Shintaro whispers, looking up at the ceiling. “Get out. I need you to get out of my head, out of my eyes, out of my life, right _now_.”

**_Don’t know how to._ **

“Well then _close your eyes--”_

**_It’s actually more like looking away--_ **

“Then _do that!”_ Shintaro snaps, snatching a large towel off the towel rack. “I am going to USE the BATHROOM, NOW, so I would appreciate it VERY MUCH if you’d look away before I go MAKE MYSELF BLIND!”

**_Stop yelling and we have a deal._ **

One extremely fast and horrified shower later, Shintaro changes into a fresh set of clothes in his room.

“You better still be looking away, Yaki. And we _need_ to set some ground rules,” he growls as he pulls on a new shirt. “You have _got_ to respect my privacy here.”

 **_Hm?_ ** Yaki hums. **_I don’t understand, though. I was tasked to record everything._ **

“I am pretty sure the ‘Queen’ can live without me remembering EVERYTHING,” Shintaro retorts. “Okay, listen. Anytime I’m in a bathroom, or I’m changing like right now--you’re looking away. And I can add to the list as I think of them. Got it?”

 **_I can think of a few more for you,_ ** Yaki says. **_For example, can I look away whenever you’re on the computer and you look up--?_ **

“YES, Yaki.”

**_Oh, and--?_ **

“Yaki, whatever you’re going to ask, the answer is ‘Yes’. _PLEASE_ look away.”

* * *

Small streams of students, only a small portion of the actual student body that was unfortunate enough to be enrolled in summer classes, trickled through the gates of the school entrance. Shintaro waits leaning against a wall, arms crossed, keeping an eye on them.

To prevent others from noticing his red eyes, he and Yaki agreed to restrict talking when they’re around other people. Kind of a redundant rule, she had pointed out, since he wasn’t going to walk around apparently talking to himself in public to begin with, but he snapped back that it still had to be said.

He continues watching the students as they walk home. The sun’s hot on his skin. He wipes off beads of sweat from his brow. Minutes march on.

“Why isn’t she here yet…?” he mutters.

No response, not that he was expecting one to begin with.

A nagging apprehension started gnawing at his chest. Was Ayano always this late to leave class? They usually left together, but since he’s not enrolled in summer classes, wouldn’t she just leave right away on her own…?

What if something happened? His dread grows. What if Ayano’s not alright, what if she’s not leaving class but actually climbing up the stairs to the rooftop--?

He’s just pushing himself off the wall, ready to run into the school building, when he finally sees a flicker of a red scarf. Oh god, he’s never felt so grateful that she wears such a stupid thing during the summer.

“Ayano!” he calls. Ayano doesn’t hear him and keeps walking, so he grabs her shoulder as he catches up to her. “Hey! Ayano!”

“Wha--?!” Ayano flips around to face him, her eyes widening in recognition. “What--You?!”

Shintaro doesn’t respond immediately as he stares at her, images of white flowers and paper cranes and vases threatening to block out her face entirely. He feels like he hasn’t seen her in years and also as if he’s seeing a ghost. He feels breathless.

Ayano, meanwhile, seems to compose herself and then looks up at him with confusion. “Shintaro?” Her large eyes blink at him curiously. “.... You’re kind of making a weird face. Everything alright?”

“Ah.” Shintaro steps back, taking his hand off her shoulder. “I, uh…”

Ayano placidly tilts her head to the side as she waits for an answer.

“I… I came here to see you, actually,” Shintaro finally admits as he grounds himself. “If it’s alright… Can we talk right now?”

“.... _What?_ ” Ayano asks, taking a step back. She has a strange look on her face. “What, _now_ ….? That’s… Um..” She looks away. “That’s… like, really strange of you to ask, isn’t it...?”

“What?” Shintaro asks, surprised. “Is it?”

“Yeah, it is!” Ayano says, still not looking at him in the eye. “And, um, I don’t think today’s the best day anyway…”

Shintaro frowns. “Ayano…?”

“Oh, is that Kisaragi? And Ayano!”

Shintaro automatically finds himself scowling at the new voice that barged into their conversation, and he whips around to see Enomoto and Haruka standing a few feet away. Shintaro’s scowl immediately evaporates, and, determined to not collapse in relief at the mere sight of them, he gives Haruka a wave, who returns it happily.

“Hey, Haruka,” he greets.

“Hi, Shintaro-kun,” Haruka says. “It’s nice to see you again.”

“Hey to you too, Kisaragi,” Enomoto grouches, crossing her arms. “What are you doing here? You don’t take summer classes.”

Shintaro opens his mouth to answer, but Ayano’s voice, behind him, startles him.

“Actually, Shintaro is here because he said that he wanted to hang out with all three of us!”

“What?” Shintaro looks back at Ayano with a frown. “When did I--?”

“But!” Ayano interjects with a smile. “I actually need to go home to watch my siblings, so can he spend time with just you two instead?”

“What…? Ayano--?”

“Bye!”

And Ayano _runs_ off. Shintaro is left staring after her, dumbfounded.

_… What just happened?_

“I didn’t know Ayano-chan is taking summer classes.” Haruka’s voice next to him startles him, and he looks over at his best friend with a frown.

“Really?” he asks.

“I didn’t know either,” Enomoto inputs, stepping up to them.

“I thought it was obvious?” Shintaro asks, confused. “But--aah, jeez.” He sighs. “She just ran away! What was that about?!”

Enomoto raises her eyebrows. “What, you have business with her?”

“More or less?” Shintaro says. “Jeez, I just wanted to talk to her…”

“Oho~” Shintaro did _not_ like that laugh from Enomoto. “But she just pushed you onto us instead, what a poor guy…”

“It can’t be helped that she’s busy today, Shintaro-kun,” Haruka reassures with a soft smile. “Maybe you can text her about it?”

Shintaro groans. “I don’t have her number, though. Do you?”

“No,” Haruka admits.

“Really?” Enomoto asks. “Kisaragi, you’ve known her for _how_ long and you don’t even have her number?”

“Shut up,” Shintaro retorts. “Do _you_ and Haruka have each other’s numbers?”

They reply with silence.

“Figures,” he sighs, crossing his arms. “It’s fine, I guess… I can catch her tomorrow…”

Enomoto whistles. “Determined, aren’t you, Kisaragi? Never seen this much enthusiasm out of you.”

“Shut it…” Shintaro replies. _I have good reason to be concerned…_

“Well, I guess we’ll see you later, then?” Haruka says. “It was nice seeing you again, Shintaro-kun--”

“Actually,” Shintaro interrupts, looking at them. “What Ayano said before doesn’t sound like a bad idea… Do you think I can spend some time with the two of you?”

They look at each other with confusion before back at Shintaro, who feels like he’s being inspected… But eventually they nod.

“I guess I have some time to spare,” Haruka says. “It’s been a while, too.”

“I’m only going because you’re acting so weird,” Enomoto adds.

So the three of them go to a nearby cafe. Shintaro watches as their orders come in: an iced tea for him, an iced latte for Enomoto, and a slice of roll cake and a glass of water for Haruka.

“So?” Enomoto starts before taking an annoyingly long sip of her drink, “.... Is there anything going on, Kisaragi? Finally realized something about Ayano?”

“‘Realized something’...?” He tries to keep the alarm out of his voice. “What… Is there something you know about Ayano that I don’t?”

Enomoto blinks. “Aah, nevermind,” she says with a frown, leaning back. “Forget I said that just now.”

“Wait, you can’t leave it at that,” Shintaro complains. “The way you just phrased it, there’s something going on with her, isn’t there?”

“No, it’s nothing!” Enomoto assures him. “Don’t go prying into a girl’s business!”

“You think something is going on with Ayano-chan?” Haruka repeats. “What do you mean?”

Shintaro frowns, not really knowing where to start.

“Not just her… Has there been anything… _weird_ going on lately? That either of you noticed?”

Haruka and Enomoto look at each other again before looking at Shintaro, confusion etched onto their faces.

“Well,” Enomoto starts. “You coming to school today was weird, and there’s the fact that Obon festival is the fourth week of August instead of the third this year, but that’s not actually weird, is it? The date changes after all.”

Haruka laughs, “The Obon festival, huh? That brings back memories.”

“You two aren’t going to run a booth again?” Shintaro asks.

“I suggested that we bring back Headphone Actor, actually,” Haruka says. “But after last year’s excitement, Tateyama-sensei is taking it easy with this year… We’re not doing an activity at all, actually.”

 _I bet he’s looking out for your health, actually,_ Shintaro thinks, but he doesn’t voice his thoughts.

“Couldn’t be helped,” Enomoto says with a shrug. “There are only so many trophies my shelf can hold.”

“Yeah, right,” Shintaro grouches, earning a snappish “Hey.”

_So nothing’s been going on, in their perspective… Even Haruka’s at school instead of in the hospital or staying at home… Well, he would’ve told me if he were bedridden, anyway…_

“Shintaro-kun?”

Shintaro looks up from his drink. “Huh?”

“Is everything alright?” Haruka asks.

Shintaro gives a small, forced smile. “Yeah, everything’s fine...” he trails off, thinking. “Actually, I wanted to ask this as well… Has Ayano been acting the same, recently?”

“So the talk’s back to Ayano?” Enomoto inputs, while Haruka looks up to think.

“Hm… Well to be honest, I didn’t even know that she’s taking summer classes until now. We’ve never run into her during this term until today, and that’s when she was with you,” he says.

“Okay, _that’s_ weird, isn’t it?” Shintaro asks. “Why wouldn’t she tell you two?”

“Maybe she didn’t want to tell her senpai’s that she’s taking remedial classes,” Enomoto suggests with a shrug. “Besides, _you_ knew, didn’t you?”

“But we’re classmates, so it’s easier for her to tell me,” Shintaro replies. “I just find it strange, since she’s friends with you two, after all.”

“I guess you’re right…” Enomoto says, frowning at her drink. “To be honest, it would’ve been nice to eat lunch with her sometimes or something, if I had known…”

“Now that you mention it,” Haruka says. “Ayano-chan and I talked about our summer plans during the spring term, and I told her I had summer classes… She didn’t tell me anything about her own.”

Enomoto sighs heavily, propping her elbows on the table and resting her chin on her fists. “Maybe she really was just too embarrassed to tell us.”

Haruka laughs sheepishly. “Maybe…”

As they talk, Shintaro thinks back. _Now that I think about it, did Ayano actually tell_ me _about her summer classes…?_

He closes his eyes, trying to call back the memories… But as he goes through spring term, he realizes that it’s going to take _way_ too long.

 _Maybe I should ask Yaki,_ he thinks. _Memories seem to come a lot easier when I’m talking to her… She said that I’m the one controlling it, but she still has something to do with it, doesn’t she? Or maybe memories of past timelines makes it easier to pick out memories from this one? She mentioned on the way here that my eyes likely won’t glow unless I’m talking to her or remembering past timelines... With that in mind, though, I don’t want to remember them now, not with Haruka and Enomoto right here…_

 _Alright, I’ll just ask Yaki later,_ he decides, then pauses. _Huh…_

“Shintaro-kun?”

“Hellooo? Earth to Kisaragi?”

Shintaro blinks open his eyes to find his two schoolmates staring at him--Enomoto with faint annoyance, Haruka with worry.

“Sorry, what?” Shintaro asks.

“... Okay, he’s _definitely_ weird right now,” Enomoto says not very quietly to Haruka. “He just apologized.”

“Not to _you,_ second-rate,” Shintaro immediately snaps.

“Die, ugly,” Enomoto growls.

“N-Now you two, don’t fight…” Haruka says tiredly.

The trip to the cafe ends with three empty glasses and a half eaten slice of roll cake. Shintaro offers to walk them both home, earning several more strange stares.

“Shintaro-kun?” Haruka asks as they wave Enomoto off.

Shintaro looks at him. “What is it?”

Haruka turns to him, frowning slightly. “Is everything really alright?”

Shintaro falters--just for a moment, but he steels himself and shakes his head. “Yeah, it's nothing...” he answers. He can’t even think about troubling Haruka with his worries right now.

He feels a hand on his shoulder and looks up at his friend, who smiles at him.

“Well, whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll work out for you. You’re the type of guy to find solutions when you really need to,” Haruka says.

“T-Thanks?” Shintaro replies, not really knowing how to respond.

“Haha…” Haruka steps back. “I was thinking, do you want to come over today? We haven’t eaten dinner yet… And it’s been a while.”

Shintaro pauses. He hasn’t been at Haruka’s place since _that_ night, when he found out… “It’s alright.. I’ll walk you home, though.”

Haruka nods, and the two of them begin walking to the direction of Haruka’s house. The sun has already set, and blistering summer air was finally dying down into a somewhat bearable warmth.

“... Have you been feeling alright, Haruka?” Shintaro asks after a comfortable silence. He hates having to break it, but… “Summer’s still hot this year, but you’ve been going to school and all...”

Haruka doesn’t look at Shintaro as they walk. “... I’m feeling just about as expected,” he answers, “I’m… Actually a little happy, that I’m still able to take classes now…”

Shintaro looks down at the ground. “.... Is there…” he starts, then gulps. _Don’t cry._ “Is there… Really nothing we can do…?”

“Shintaro-kun.”

Shintaro realizes that Haruka has stopped walking, and he stops too, looking at Haruka in concern.

“What…?”

Haruka smiles at him. “I think, rather than worrying about that, it’s just best for us to live in the moment. Don’t you think so too?”

Shintaro stares at Haruka for a few moments, unanswering. Haruka’s smile falters.

“Don’t look at me like that, Shintaro-kun. It’ll make me sad too.”

“... Sorry…” Shintaro replies, looking away with clenched fists.

Haruka laughs softly. “There’s no need to apologize.”

But there are so many things, _so many things_ that Shintaro wants to apologize for… And none that he can really explain. So walks Haruka to his front door.

“I guess I’ll see you later,” Haruka says, still smiling that soft smile of his. “I’ll hit you up to play some games later… It’s been a while, after all.”

Shintaro feels like his heart will grow numb. This… _This_ is why he hasn’t seen Haruka since that day. Since then, just the thought of him was enough to make Shintaro want to not move for a couple days… But that was selfish thinking, wasn’t it?

 _All these ‘it’s been a while’s... But for Haruka, what he remembers is already the ‘last time’ and he doesn’t even know it... I should’ve visited sooner…_ he thinks bitterly, then blinks as a realization comes to him.

_Wait, what’s stopping me?_

“Actually--” Shintaro says suddenly, surprising the both of them. He clears his throat. “Actually… Is it alright.. If I come over after all?”

“Oh…” Haruka pauses, then brightens considerably. “Oh, of course! Come right in!”

The two drink cool barley tea and eat delivered food in Haruka’s bedroom. They talk about video games and anime and manga, not about death waiting at Haruka’s doorstep and the dread in Shintaro’s chest. By all means, it should be a pleasant evening.

“I’ll see you again,” Shintaro says at nighttime at Haruka’s front door, smiling with a small wave. “I’ll be sure to.”

“Haha, of course, Shintaro-kun,” Haruka answer, smiling from ear to ear. “I look forward to seeing you again.”

The door closes, and Shintaro’s left walking home alone with his thoughts… Except he’s not really alone, no. The streets are empty, so...

“Hey, Yaki?” he calls into the warm August air.

**_Yes?_ **

She’s been silent for a few hours, sure, but he’s ready for her this time, so he responds easily enough, “I’ve been wondering....”

**_… And?_ **

“Can you not hear any of my thoughts?” he asks.

**_Nope. Something like reading minds has nothing to do with Retaining Eyes, so..._ **

“Ah, I thought so…” he sighs. “I’m actually a little relieved. I don’t know what I’d do if I found out you can hear every single one of my thoughts too.”

**_Aw, why? Have you been thinking about me?_ **

Her voice has a lilting, almost teasing tone to it, and he finds himself answering hotly, “No!”

Shintaro then pauses. Wait, why does he care if a snake knows? Sure, she’s a girl who sounds like Ayano, but she’s a _snake_ …

_Still, though, the thought of her looking at me while I’m changing makes me shudder…_

“I was just wondering,” Shintaro continues, determined to not let Yaki tease him some more. “What do you experience, when you’re looking through my eyes? You still retain hearing, right?”

 **_That’s right,_ ** Yaki responds. **_It’s a lot like watching through a TV. I can see what you’re seeing and can hear what you’re hearing, but that’s the extent of it. I don’t know what you’re thinking or feeling when I see your actions._ **

“I see..” Shintaro frowns. _Then she can’t explain why I do those things, either…_

“Sight and hearing though, not anything else?” he asks. “Like, touch?” He frowns. “No taste?”

**_No, neither of those._ **

“That’s strange, I pretty sure I remember what I taste from other timelines… But now I think about it, those are all tastes from this timeline too, huh?” he asks, narrowing his eyes. “Maybe I just remember those…”

**_Maybe._ **

“Ah, sorry…" He finds himself apologizing, for some reason. "It actually kinda sucks that you can’t taste anything, huh?”

**_I’m used to it._ **

“Still…” He pauses. “But I guess it’s good you can’t feel anything, either………”

The memory comes easily enough, as many times before. The pair of scissors--

 _I really can’t remember the pain,_ he thinks. _Is that because Yaki can’t either?_

He doesn’t want to ask, though, not when it’ll bring those memories into discussion… _It’s already bad enough she knows that I’m thinking about them…_ he reminds himself. She can see all the memories he sees, after all.

So, he changes the conversation. “Yaki, what am I supposed to do?”

**_Hm? What are you asking?_ **

He sighs, looking up at the night sky. The glow of the street lamps block out the stars. “I mean, you were watching everything, right? Ayano just _avoided_ me today… She’s never done that before, not like that. She was acting weird, don’t you think?”

**_Don’t ask me, I’m not her._ **

“I’m just asking for another input here,” Shintaro says.

**_Hm… Well she mentioned that she had to take care of her siblings. Maybe that’s really the case._ **

“That… I guess that makes sense,” he sighs. “That just sounded like an excuse, really, but maybe one of them’s actually sick…”

**_… Maybe._ **

Ayano’s siblings… She doesn’t talk about them, Shintaro reflects. He only knows about their existence from passing conversations, but he never questioned further about them....

 _Well, they’re going to be without an older sister_ _unless I do something about it._

“Going back to the conversation with Haruka and Enomoto,” he says. “I was thinking about this, too… Ayano actually never told me that she’s taking summer classes this year, hasn’t she?”

**_Do you want me to check?_ **

“You don’t already know?” Shintaro asks. “Can’t you just tell?”

 **_You’re asking me if she_ ** **never** **_told you something… It’s easier to find a memory than to confirm its absence._ **

“Alright, then, check.”

**_Maybe if you ask politely._ **

“...” Shintaro scowls. “... Please, and thank you.”

Instantly, the memories come back--spring term. Still images flash rapidly, as if he’s watching a slideshow, but Yaki doesn’t so much as pause on one memory before moving onto the other. He stops walking, waiting.

Eventually she stops, and the images fade. Shintaro blinks back at the empty street ahead of him.

“... Well?” he asks, still mentally returning to reality.

 **_You saw it yourself,_ ** Yaki responds. **_You’re correct. She has never told you about her summer classes before._ **

He frowns as he begins to walk again, slowly. “That’s weird though… During spring term, I just _assumed_ that she would… Even though we never talked about it…”

**_Do you really think that lowly of her?_ **

“That’s not it!” Shintaro says indignantly. “It’s.. It’s just like I sort of _knew_?”

**_Hmm… Well if it wasn’t an assumption, maybe it’s because it was ‘predictable’?_ **

“Predictable…?” Shintaro repeats.

**_You already knew that she dies from falling off the school rooftop, right? Maybe you knew she took summer classes from that._ **

“But I didn’t know about that until today,” Shintaro argues. “How can that…?” A realization hits him. “Unless… Yaki… Are _you_ the reason why life has always been so ‘predictable’ to me?”

No response.

“That’s basically implies that I can remember past timelines without activating you, though…” he murmurs, lost in thought. “But you also said that you’re still awake before activation, so maybe...”

**_I don’t know anything about that._ **

“Huh?” Shintaro asks, thoughts interrupted. “Really? But you seem to know so much about your power?”

**_I really don’t know._ **

“... Okay,” Shintaro relents. It’s a topic that he’d like to extend on, but Yaki’s tone was pretty firm… And besides, he has other things to worry about.

“... But really, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do…” he sighs. “Ayano was really acting strange today…”

 **_Well, seeing how she dies by suicide in less than a week, I would think it’s weird if she_ ** **weren’t** **_acting strange,_ ** Yaki replies. **_Also, the last conversation you had with her before today was pretty awful. You didn’t forget about that, did you?_ **

“...........” Shintaro stares ahead of him. “........... I forgot to apologize for that, didn’t I?”

**_I didn’t know you were intending to._ **

He _sighs_ , pressing his palm against his forehead. “I really got nowhere today, did I?”

**_I suppose that’s for you to find out, eventually._ **

“Thanks,” Shintaro grouches, and then his shoulder slump and he looks to the ground. “Can I really save them…?”

Yaki offers no condolences. The two don’t talk for the rest of the walk home. Upon arriving, Shintaro finds himself apologizing to an angry Momo--he forgot to buy her dinner, oops.

“Couldn’t you have reminded me, Yaki?” Shintaro asks back in his room, taking off his jersey. “Also look away, I’m changing.”

 **_I’m not your planner,_ ** Yaki answers. **_And your memory’s as good as mine. Remember it yourself._ **

“I would, but I’m kinda distracted remembering other things too,” Shintaro mutters.

**_And I’m not?_ **

“.... Aagh--” He goes back to his bedroom door and opens it, sticking his head out the doorway. “Momo! I’m not going to buy you dinner for the rest of the week, so buy it yourself!”

He hears the sound of another door bursting open, then spots Momo storming down the hallway.

“What? Why--?” she stops in her tracks, then scowls. “ _Put on some clothes, Onii-chan!”_

“What? I’m still wearing pants--” Shintaro jerks back just before the door could slam against his face, courtesy of Momo’s foot. “Anyway, I’m busy this week! So just feed yourself!”

“Fiiine, got it!” Momo yells through the door, her voice already fading as she walks away. “Gross brother…”

 **_Wow_ **, Yaki comments.

“Wh---are you looking?” Shintaro asks, for some reason covering his chest with his arms again even as he stares pointedly ahead of him.

**_No, but I can still hear you. So you’re fine prancing around your sister naked, but not me?_ **

“Okay, first of all, I wasn’t naked,” Shintaro says, finally pulling on a fresh t shirt. “Second of all, she’s my _sister_ . Third of all, I don’t think _anything_ will make me okay being naked around _you_.”

**_How comforting._ **

“That wasn’t supposed to be?” Shintaro says as he changes his pants. He sighs and turns the lights off. “I’m done changing. And I’ll stand by what I said before, Yaki. You’re _weird_.”

**_Same can be said to you._ **

He scowls, in the motion of charging his phone, but then realizes she can’t even see his expression. “Whatever. I’m going to sleep.”

 **_This is early for you,_ **she comments.

“Yeah, and I’m tired,” he grumbles, finally going to his bed and burrowing underneath his sheets. “Do weird super power snakes even need to sleep?”

**_No._ **

He frowns. “Then what do you do while I’m asleep?”

**_Just wait for you to wake up._ **

“........................... Yaki, the shit you say sometimes is _so…_..” he sighs. “Whatever. Good night!”

No response.

Shintaro lies in bed, feeling the mental exhaustion of the day settle over him… To think just yesterday, he had no idea about his friends’ deaths…. _Don’t think about it,_ he tells himself silently, closing his eyes. _Just don’t think about it, for now._

As he slowly feels himself go closer to sleep, he thinks he can hear a voice, faint in the blurry edges of his consciousness…

**_Good night._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the way that each character is referred to in the narration is basically how Shintaro would refer them, sans any suffixes. So in this fic, Takane is called Enomoto :p
> 
> Also I’m clearly taking a lot of canon liberties with this fic, please forgive me if I directly contradicted some canon facts!
> 
> If anyone’s interested in beta-ing or illustrating, you can hit me up at my discord yoomster#6654 ! Just make sure you’re caught up to manga spoilers & send a message that you’re from AO3!
> 
> And lastly, kudos & comments are greatly appreciated! I live off of validation and any kind of support will be met with extreme gratitude.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	4. Route M-2

_When she wakes up for the second time with him, the room is still dark_

_Familiar scenery_

_He stares at the unbroken computer screen_

_She looks at the girl on the screen through his eyes_

_A familiar face with a somber expression_

_His hands reach toward the screen_

_And she watches him become a murderer_

_..._

_Familiar scenery_

_“Who are you?” he asks “What are these terrible things I’m seeing?”_

_She answers with what she can and asks this time_

**_Now that you remember, what are you planning to do?_ **

_Maybe this time she will get another answer_

_But_

_She doesn’t_

_Once again it ends with a pair of scissors_

**_I don’t understand_ **


	5. August 10th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five days left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoho! Ty again for being here! Idk what it was about August 9th that made ch 3 so long, but this one’s shorter :p Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Illustration in this fic is by me -w-” Aaah I hope my own art suffices.

“I still can’t believe I slept in that late…” Shintaro groans, rubbing at his eyes. “I feel like crap.”

**_You should’ve set an alarm then._ **

“I didn’t go to bed thinking that I’d sleep for fourteen hours,” he grumbles. “Is it because of this power? It uses up a lot of energy, doesn’t it?”

**_That is probably the correct answer._ **

“Right, you don’t get tired… You’re probably just leeching all my energy from me. No wonder I’ve always been so tired all the time.”

**_Don’t go placing blame on me for your terrible sleeping and eating habits. Also, don’t you have something better to do?_ **

“The bell hasn’t rung yet,” Shintaro argues. “Can’t I kill time by talking with you?”

**_Hm……_ **

Shintaro sighs, looking up from the ground and around. He’s at school again, but he arrived a little early and is now waiting at the entrance. Only passerby are around, and he’s bored out of his mind, so he decided to talk to Yaki.

“Maybe I should go inside… It’s so hot,” he complains, fanning the collar of his shirt.

**_Then take off that jersey you always wear._ **

“I like my jersey though.”

 **_What, because_ ** **she** **_said that it looks good on you?_ **

“T-That’s not why! It’s just comfortable…”

**_Yeah, and you’re overheating apparently. Take it off._ **

Shintaro scowls, but said jersey is starting to stick to his arms from his sweat, so he complies. He shrugs it off and, after some consideration, ties it around his waist.

“Doesn’t this make me look like a dork?” he asks, looking down.

**_Probably, but I’m not sure. I can only see your crotch from this angle—_ **

“Great to know,” he says dryly, looking up and glad that she can’t see the flush that’s probably covering his face. “Great.”

He pulls his phone out of his pocket.

“You know, this power’s kind of useful even for little things,” he says as he opens a video app.

**_In what way?_ **

“Well, if my theory from earlier is correct, then everything in my life has always seemed boring because it already happened from past timelines, right? So now I can try to do different things.”

A thought hits him. “... That’s probably why I keep scoring 100’s on my tests and why games are so easy…” He pauses, then sighs. “Aah, that makes me sounds like a cheater, though… That’s not what I want to be at all...”

**_If it helps, you were probably good with those before I was entrusted to you._ **

“You think?”

 **_Just an assumption, but I can be wrong. You could’ve been a real fool before you met me._ ** A pause. **_Well, more of a fool._ **

“Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence…” Shintaro sighs, shaking his head. “Anyway, do you want to watch anything? You’re probably extra bored with everything I’ve seen so far, right?”

**_What makes you say that?_ **

Shintaro shrugs as he adjusts his earphones. “If I were in your shoes, I’d be _way_ bored by now. My life’s been super repetitive the entire time you’ve been with me, after all. Come on, let’s find something different.”

**_Hm… Okay._ **

With Yaki’s help, he finds a video that they’ve never watched before, some Let’s Play of an extremely obscure video game. The video’s just about ending when the bell finally rings, and he looks up and shuts off his phone.

“Do you think she’ll run away again?” he asks as students start to walk past the gates.

**_Predicting her behavior is far beyond me._ **

“So you don’t know, basically…” Shintaro sighs as he pushes himself off the wall. “Anyway, that’s her. See you, Yaki.”

He wraps his earphones around his phone and shoves them all into his pocket before walking over to Ayano. “Hey! Ayano!”

Ayano stops walking and turns towards him, her face brightening. “Oh, Shintaro!” She looks at him. “... You’re wearing your jacket differently!”

“Hey,” he greets, stepping up to her. “And yeah, it’s hot. Does it look weird?”

“Not at all!” she says, then smiles. “Ehehe, I didn’t know if I’d see you today, actually… But, um! You said you had something to talk to me about, right?”

Shintaro blinks. Huh, this is different from yesterday. “Yeah, if you don’t mind talking about it now?”

“I-I don’t mind,” Ayano answers, scratching her cheek lightly with a fingertip.

He nods, relieved. “Okay. We can talk while walking, right? I’ll walk you home.”

Ayano looks away, adjusting her scarf. “Okay!”

He’s glad that she’s being compliant, so unlike yesterday, and they start walking. A silence spans between them, and he glances at her occasionally, wondering where he should start…

“Hey,” he starts, just as she turns to him and says, “Um—”

They both stop talking.

“... You first,” he says.

“N-No! You can start!” Ayano answers, “You were the one who wanted to talk, after all…”

“Um… How are your siblings?” he asks, then thinks, _What the hell, Shintaro?_ He did _not_ go to school twice in a row during summer vacation to ask her about her siblings.

“My siblings?” Ayano asks. She blinks. “Have I mentioned them recently?”

“Um, yes?” Shintaro rubs the back of his neck, frowning. “You said you had to take care of them yesterday, so I was wondering if one of them was sick…?”

“Oh! Oh yeah!” Ayano says, “Um, yes, they’re alright. I just had to look over them, really, but they’re in good health.”

“Aren’t they just a couple years younger than you?” he asks. “Even Momo can be left alone by herself, at least for a few hours.”

“Aaaah, yeah,” Ayano admits. “But, y’know? They’re in their rebellious phase, so they can get to no good by themselves…” She sighs, drooping her shoulders. “So _someone_ has to keep an eye on them, sometimes…”

“I see..” Shintaro looks ahead, letting out a small huff. “Being an older sibling is tough, isn’t it?”

“It is!” she agrees. “Especially with siblings as eccentric as them!”

“I get you. Momo’s plenty eccentric, too.”

Ayano giggles. “She seems like an interesting little sister. I wouldn’t mind having a little sister like her… I don’t mean that in a weird way, by the way!”

“By the sound of it, you probably have enough on your hands without Momo being added to your family,” Shintaro answers honestly.

“Y-You think so?” she asks, laughing again. She looks ahead, smiling thoughtfully. “... You know, I think they’re all around the same age, my siblings and your sister. Fourteen, right?”

“Oh, that’s right…” He blinks, confused. “Your siblings are the same age? Are they twins?”

“Oh, no. They’re all adopted, and there’s three of them!”

That’s news to him. “Oh.”

“Hehe, yeah… It’s not your regular family situation, I know,” Ayano says, then smiles brightly. “But they’re still my family, you know?”

He feels his expresion soften. “... I bet you’re a pretty good older sister to them.”

“Y-You think?!” Ayano asks him, then looks away. “That… That makes me really happy to hear, thank you…”

“B-But!” she exclaims, startling him slightly. “What I was saying—I was thinking, maybe, that my siblings and Momo-chan would get along? They don’t do well with new people, normally, but maybe if that person was the same age…”

And then she deflates. “Aaah, but in the end, it’s three against one… Would Momo-chan really be okay if she met them...?”

“Momo’s pretty strong,” Shintaro says firmly. “I’m sure she can handle them.”

“Oooh…” Ayano smiles at him. “Maybe one day we can—”

She suddenly cuts herself off, her smile faltering and then dropping entirely as she looks down, her footsteps slowing to a stop.

“...?” Shintaro stops, too. “Ayano?”

“... Sorry,” Ayano says, smiling at him. “I was just lost in thought.”

“...” Shintaro looks at her. “... Ayano, have you been feeling alright lately…?”

“Eh?” Ayano looks at him, surprised. “What sort of question is that, Shintaro…?”

He frowns, somber. “... I’d like it if you’d just answer…”

“...” She looks down. “...” And then back up at him, smiling again. “I’ve been fine lately!”

She continues, “Summer classes are tough, but they’re manageable, even if you’re not around to tutor me… It makes me a little happy that you’re asking me to begin with...”

“Is that so…”

“Heck—I said something weird again, didn’t I?” Ayano says, adjusting her scarf. “B-But! Um, why did you ask, Shintaro? Have things been alright for _you?”_

 _Far from it,_ Shintaro thinks, but he doesn’t answer.

“W-Why are you looking at me like that…” Ayano stammers.

He still doesn’t answer, just stares at her.

“... Shintaro…?”

“Ayano…” he sighs. “I just... I just wanted to apologize.”

“... What?”

“Listen… The last day of class before summer vacation, I was really an asshole to you,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “I snapped at you for no real reason and then walked away, just leaving you behind…”

“Oh…” Ayano blinks. “Wait, did you call me out for _that…?_ I… I didn’t mind so much…”

Shintaro frowns, doubtful. “Really…?” He then shakes his head. “That’s besides the point though. It was still really… insensitive of me. I really didn’t consider how you felt at all, so I just wanted to say now that I’m sorry. I really am.”

“...” Ayano’s expression turned concerned, her eyebrows furrowing slightly. “Shintaro…?”

“Hey, Ayano… You aren’t _planning_ something really dumb right now, are you…?”

“... What…” Ayano’s eyes widen slightly as she takes a step back, away from him. She puts on a smile, but it doesn’t fool him. “I… I don’t know what you’re talking about, Shintaro…!”

 _What a terrible liar,_ he thinks, and opens his mouth to say something else—

“I got to go!” Ayano says suddenly. “S-Sorry, when you were walking with me, but I just remembered I got to do something—”

“Ayano, wait—”

“I’ll see you later, okay?!”

And like that, she just runs off. He reaches out a hand to her, but she’s already gone.

“... What the fuck was that?” he asks quietly, feeling all sorts of helpless. _“Again?”_

 **_Seems like she doesn’t intend to open up to you,_ **Yaki says.

“Ugh… But she…” He sighs loudly, touching his forehead as he looks down, frustrated. “How am I supposed to help someone who doesn’t even want help..?!”

**_… That’s what I’ve been asking myself._ **

“...?” Shintaro frowns. “Yaki? What did you mean by that?”

No response. He doesn’t get one for the rest of the way home.

* * *

“Let’s go over the basics,” Shintaro says, back in his room, “of that day.”

**_You mean about August 15th?_ **

Shintaro nods. “Yeah… I didn’t really like thinking about it, but maybe if we go over the details I can get a better idea of what to do when the day arrives…”

 **_Hmmm, okay… What’s there to review, then?_ **Yaki asks.

“Well, we can start first with Ayano,” he says, putting a hand to his chin in thought. “I first find out about her on the 16th…. Because of what happened the night before, I was confused and wanted to talk to her, so I put on a summer uniform and went to our classroom.”

**_Is that so?_ **

“Yeah, don’t you remember?” he asks, then realizes what a stupid question that is. He shakes his head. “But anyway… Well, you know what happened. She never arrived to the classroom.” He looks down, somber at the memory. “Instead, people were bringing flowers in vases, and putting them on her desk… Apparently they heard about it through the news…”

He sighs, already feeling himself getting depressed, but he continues, “And then I found about Haruka through whispers. People kept whispering that another student had died the day before, too, and I had a really bad feeling about it...

“I didn’t ask anyone about it, though. I wanted to find Haruka and Enomoto to talk about Ayano, so I went to their classroom but it was empty… Not even Tateyama-sensei was there, or a substitute teacher, if he was absent for grieving... And then…”

He pauses, finding himself unable to continue.

 **_The school announcement,_ ** Yaki says, **_about the two of them._ **

He nods, once. “Yeah, thanks…. That happened next… Since I couldn’t find Enomoto, I thought that maybe she was just grieving at home… She and Haruka are pretty close, after all… But that missing person flyer I read makes it sound like she didn’t even go to school that day.”

**_And that’s all you know, right?_ **

Shintaro nods again. “Yeah, that’s all.”

**_So, you don’t even know what time they died, right? Or when Enomoto actually disappears._ **

“That’s true…For all I knew, Enomoto was still alive past August 15th but I just didn’t know.. I didn’t have much hope, either. She.. I’d hate to phrase it like this, but I’ve never been as close with her as the other two, you know?”

 **_I know. But,_ ** she says, before he can get even more depressed, **_we don’t even know if she_ ** **and** **_Kokonose even go to school on the 15th._ **

“I already said that.... Wait, Haruka probably went to school, right?”

**_He could have been hospitalized earlier and died there._ **

“.... I guess,” he sighs. “Fuck, I really don’t know anything… How the hell am I supposed to save them…?”

**_I’m not sure if you can—_ **

“That—!”

**_—especially for Kokonose._ **

He’s silent at her words. She’s right. He knows that she’s right, and he starts shaking, feeling his eyes start to go warm. “B-But, that’s—”

 **_Focus,_ ** Yaki says. **_Enomoto and Kokonose… For those two, you can figure out whether they go to school on the 15th itself. If they are, you can check on them during lunch and after class, to see if they are still there. If by any chance both of them are absent at either time, you can assume that something has happened._ **

“That,” he grasps at his hair, agitated. “That’s just like _waiting_ for it to happen…!”

**_And do you have a better solution?_ **

“...” He doesn’t, at the moment.

 **_I mean,_ ** Yaki says, **_if you’re really set on saving them, then you can follow them on the 15th too. But…_ ** Her tone changes slightly, almost cold. **_You don’t want to do that, right?_ **

Shintaro doesn’t answer.

 ** _Of course._** **_We still need to talk more about_** **her** ** _death._**

“... What about it?” Shintaro asks. True, he started this conversation, but it’s really beginning to exhaust him.

**_Well, remember what you know. You read one article about it, remember?_ **

That’s right, he did… And the memory of it comes easily, as if it were actually in his hands. He reads over the words from another time long passed, several times.

“... It doesn’t state her time of death, just that she died ‘after classes’...” he says once he’s done. “But…”

The memory of Ayano on the night of August 15th, glaring at him.

“... But I met with her that night, even if briefly…” He frowns, suddenly confused. “But then why would she jump from the school rooftop? Or, well, _how?_ Shouldn’t it have been locked by then?”

**_You have a point._ **

“That… That makes no sense, unless the teachers at school have been careless…” he pauses. “Maybe _I_ can make sure that it’s locked by then…”

**_Do you really think that’d stop her?_ **

He sighs heavily. “No, I’m not sure. But it’s something.”

A silence stretches over them, then, **_So, do you have a plan?_ **

He looks ahead of him, thinking… But then he nods. “I… I think I do,” he says, finally. “It’s not much… But it’s a lot better than just hanging around school after sixth period and trying to talk to them like before.”

**_I see._ **

He’s just about to explain said plan when his phone goes off. He reaches into his pocket and pulls it out.

“Haruka…?” He presses the ‘call’ button and brings the phone up to his ear. “Hey, Haruka. Is everything alright?”

 _“Hi, Shintaro-kun,_ ” Haruka answers. He sounds normal, Shintaro notices, and he breathes a small sigh of relief. “ _I’m fine, there’s no need to ask… I just was wondering, are you busy right now?_ ”

“Um…” He considers it. “Maybe? What’s up?”

“ _Oh! If you’re busy it’s alright… I was just wanted to ask if you’d like to play some games tonight, but if now’s not a good time…_ ”

“Oh, uh… Hold on.” He mutes the call, then looks up. “Hey Yaki, do you mind if I do this?”

 **_Stop looking up at the ceiling as if you’re talking to heaven,_ ** Yaki says dryly. **_And also, by all means, go ahead. You don’t need my permission to do things._ **

“........... You’re right!” Shintaro says before unmuting the call. “Ah, yeah, Haruka, no worries. I’m so down to play.”

He spends the rest of the night focusing on shooting monsters with Haruka, who still has good control of his hand-eye coordination and is a great gaming partner, as usual. Haruka, who’s always so reliable and kind. Haruka, who will die in five days.

 _“H-Huh?? Shintaro-kun, oh nooo,”_ Haruka voice says over call, snapping Shintaro back to reality. He blinks at the “YOU DIED” message, bright and red, on his screen.

“Oh shit, my bad.”

“ _Ahaha, no worries… It’s getting pretty late right?”_ Haruka asks. _“I have to get ready for school anyway, so good night._ ”

“... Good night, Haruka,” he says. “Let’s.. Let’s play again, okay?”

_“... Okay. That’s a promise, Shintaro-kun.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof how to end chapters, idk!
> 
> I realized this isn’t going to be pointed out in the fic at all, so might as well mention it here. Yaki isn’t visiting Shintaro in his dreams in this timeline bc she’s already talking to him when he’s awake. No need to be cryptic when she can be direct with him.
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope my characterization is okay 8”D I’m trying hard to make them not OOC (especially Shintaro & Ayano) and it’s a bit tough hfjkdls I'm also trying to not make this fic too boring until August 15th, but it really is just a lot of Shintaro agonizing over the fact that he REALLY doesn't know anything... u_u Please bear with me
> 
> Kudos and comments are super appreciated! Thank you! <3


	6. August 11th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four days left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I realize I made a mistake earlier--Novel 6 shows that Haruka and Takane actually have each other’s numbers so… *waves arms around* I blame Timeline Shenanigans. It’s not super relevant to the plot anyway~
> 
> Hope you enjoy the ch!

7:00 AM. Shintaro’s alarm goes off, and he groans, blindly reaching over for it and shutting it off.

“Oh my god,” he mutters as he burrows his face back into his pillow. “I’m so fucking tired. I don’t want to get up.”

**_Get up._ **

“Nooo….” he whines.

 **_What, do you need motivation? Hm… What is it again…?_ ** Yaki’s voice turns sickeningly sweet, **_Get up, sweetheart—_ **

“I’m up,” Shintaro says blankly, immediately getting out of bed and dusting off his shirt. He glares at nowhere in particularly. “Don’t do that, that’s so _creepy_ coming from you.”

He quickly washes up and changes before going down to the kitchen, where his mom’s cooking breakfast.

“Oh, Shintaro,” she says, and then she pauses. “... Are you going to school?”

“G’morning—” Momo says as she enters the kitchen, and then she stops in her tracks. “... Onii-chan, why are you wearing a school uniform?”

“I’m going to school,” Shintaro says as he takes a seat at the table.

“You are?” his mom and Momo ask simultaneously, surprise evident in their voices.

“Yeah,” he says as nonchalantly as he can.

“What brought this on?” his mom asks, setting a steaming bowl of rice and utensils in front of him.

“Thank you,” he says, “And, uh, I’ve been pretty bored this summer vacation. Maybe I can be a class tutor or something? I’m going to appeal to a counselor today.”

Momo squints, while his mom smiles and shuts off the stove. “That seems like a great thing to do!” his mom says. “What a hardworking student~”

“Thanks mom…” he grumbles while she ruffles his hair.

“No wonder you’ve been ‘busy’ lately, Onii-chan…” Momo comments. “It’s kinda strange…”

“I think it’s good that he’s being so ambitious,” his mom comments happily.

“Can we turn the talk away from me?” Shintaro asks, half-embarrassed, half not wanting to explain more.

Thankfully, breakfast is real brief as both his mom and Momo try to leave before morning traffic gets worse, and he later sets off on foot to school.

He plugs his earphones into his phone and turns on some music.

“Do you have a preference for music, Yaki?” he asks, turning down the volume so it’s not overbearing.

 **_Hm? Not really,_ **Yaki answers above the music.

“Really?” he asks. “Well, I guess you only listen to what I listen… What do you think about that, then?”

**_I don’t think your music tastes are bad._ **

_“Nice,”_ he answers, pleased. “Oh, what do you think about _my_ music???”

**_Do you want an honest answer?_ **

“Yes!”

* * *

Getting registered into classes took a _lot_ longer than he expected. What do you know, teachers don’t really understand why a student who gets 100’s on everything would want to take remedial classes. By the time he finally convinced the student counselor to get him into the classes with promises to tutor students (promises that he definitely does not intend to keep until after the 15th), classes are already over, as it’s a Saturday and thus a half day.

He sighs as he walks through the hallways, partially relieved that he didn’t have to actually go to class, partially annoyed because he came here specifically to _go to class_ , and lastly just tired because holy crap, he just spent a few hours arguing with a counselor.

 _I bet everyone already went home…_ he thinks as he walks through the nearly empty hallways. Might as well check his classroom to be safe, though.

He walks to said classroom… And pauses at the doorway at the familiar scene that greets him.

The classroom is empty, sans Ayano sitting at her desk by the window, a paper crane on her desk. She’s staring out the window with an empty expression on her face, but the scene’s different, he realizes. She’s in her summer uniform, of course, but more importantly, her face is dry. And he has no intention to see that change.

“Hey,” he says, stepping into the classroom. “Ayano.”

Ayano startles at his voice, jumping in her seat before turning towards him. She stands up.

“S-Shintaro?!” she asks, eyes widening. “What are you doing here?! A-And what’s with the uniform?!”

“I got registered into summer classes,” he answers, stepping up to his own usual desk, the one next to her’s. “Is this desk taken right now?”

“No… It’s still your seat after all,” she says, but she’s frowning at him. “Shintaro, what’s going on? Why are you taking summer classes?”

He shrugs, listing off his planned excuses easily enough. “I wanted to. It’s been pretty boring at home by myself all day, and also I figured I could help with tutoring…” _And also, I want to spend time with you so you won’t kill yourself,_ he thinks, but he can’t just say that. If he can prevent her upcoming death, he wouldn’t mind taking remedial classes for the rest of his school life, if that’s what it takes.

Ayano is still looking at him suspiciously. “Shintaro, that’s not like you…”

“Anyway,” he says, determined to change the subject. “Tomorrow’s Sunday. If you don’t have any plans, want to spend the day together?”

Ayano’s face blanks entirely, then goes through a series of interesting expressions that he really can’t read, but finally she grabs her scarf with both hands and shoves it up to cover the lower half of her face.

“Wh-wh-wh- _what_ are you asking me?!” she exclaims, looking away from him. “Oh my gosh—this is so sudden, I don’t—what??? Shintaro, I-I, um, I—!”

She suddenly calms down while staring out the window. He’s still processing the sudden series of mood changes when she looks back at him while lowering her scarf, and he’s hit with the thought that he does _not_ like the look that she’s giving him.

“This… This isn’t about what you talked about yesterday, is it?” she asks quietly. “All of this?”

He pauses, then shakes his head. “Ayano, I just—”

“As I thought...” she interrupts, looking down now. “... No, I’m not free tomorrow, Shintaro. That’s the truth anyway. I… I have things I need to do, so…”

She grabs her bag from her seat and pulls it over her shoulder, still not looking at him. “I have to go.”

“Ayano,” he says, “Really, I just want to spend time with you—”

“And I said I’m _busy_ ,” Ayano snaps, the harsh tone of her voice freezing him. She pauses, then finally spares him a glance, and when she speaks again her voice is softer, but still firm. “I’m.. I’m glad you found things to do this summer, but…” She sighs heavily. “... Maybe later, okay?”

She gives him a thoroughly unconvincing smile. “I’ll see you?”

“Ayano,” he says, _pleads,_ but she’s already hurriedly walking past him. He spins around and, to his alarm, sees her practically break into a run upon reaching the doorway.

“ _Fuck,_ ” he whispers under his breath. He glances at her desk, and there’s the paper crane—he can see tape and the faint red markings of a 100 on its wing, and he feels like his heart both stopped and shattered into pieces.

Shintaro rips his gaze away from the paper crane and scrambles out of the classroom, but the hallway is _empty_ when he looks. “Fuck, fuck, _no_ —!”

It’s sheer panic that makes him run through the hallways, turning until he reaches the one that connects to the stairwell. He sprints up the steps and bursts through the door to the rooftop, breathing heavily as he looks around wildly, but the rooftop is empty. “Please, no—”

Shintaro runs to the edge and grasps the railing, looking over, and he sees nothing but students peacefully walking home. He follows the railing, checking the entire circumference of the rooftop before he finally lets out a large sigh and falls onto his knees, still grasping the railing with one hand.

“ _Fuck,”_ he whispers again, covering his eyes with his free hand, trying to ignore how choked his voice sounds. He should feel relief but he just feels terrible, fucking terrible, and he stifles the pathetic noises that are trying to come out his throat—

**_Are you okay?_ **

He looks up, whipping his head back. “Ayano—?!” And then he pauses, seeing the empty rooftop behind him, and he deflates, finally letting of the railing to kneel on the ground. He presses his hands against his eyes, feeling defeated.

“... Sorry,” Shintaro whispers.

**_… Who are you apologizing to?_ **

“...” He doesn’t answer at first, too busy wiping at his eyes. “... You, Yaki,” he finally says, quietly. He sounds so pathetic. “Sorry. I mistook you for her. I’m sorry.”

 **_… That’s alright. I don’t mind,_ ** Yaki says. Her voice is soothing, almost understanding… It helps, it _doesn’t help_ — **_You don’t need to apologize._ **

They don’t say anything for a long moment, and it’s only time that makes his shuddering breaths calm into a steady rhythm. Finally, he looks up at the sky, adjusting his position so that he’s sitting down and leaning against the railing.

“That’s the third time she’s run away from me,” he says numbly. “I… I thought I fucked up, that I just pushed her to the breaking point…”

**_You didn’t._ **

“That she was going to…”

**_I know._ **

“... She’s really planning to do it,” he says quietly. “And she doesn’t want me to stop her.”

After another moment he finally gets back up on his feet. He gives the rooftop another glance and suddenly feels nauseous—he doesn’t want to be here anymore.

 **_… You know,_ ** Yaki says as he’s descending the stairwell, **_I don’t believe it’s your fault._ **

“...” He shakes his head. “I doubt it.”

* * *

He arrives at the small classroom, and to his immense surprise, it’s not empty.

“Oh, Shintaro-kun!” Haruka says, turning around in his seat to look at him. His expression changes. “... Are you alright?”

“Just chipper,” Shintaro answers numbly, then shakes his head. “What are you two still doing here?”

“Homework,” Enomoto answers, draped across the back of her chair. She furrows her brows at him. “What are _you_ doing here? And what’s with the uniform?”

“I got registered into summer classes…”

“Oh?” they both say simultaneously, their eyes lighting up with curiosity. He sighs and gives them his practiced reasons, and after a bit of conversation (Haruka, still looking worried, praises his hard efforts while Enomoto just stares at him) he rubs the back of his neck, wanting a distraction.

“Do you guys want to go somewhere tomorrow?” he asks. “I already asked Ayano, but she said she’s busy…”

Haruka’s eyes light up with understanding, but he looks apologetic. “I would, but I have a doctors appointment… I’m sorry, Shintaro-kun.”

“That’s much more important, it’s fine,” Shintaro answers, nodding. He then turns his gaze to Enomoto, who looks back at him uncomfortably. “Well?”

“... Well what?” she asks.

He frowns. “Well, are you free tomorrow?”

“Huh??” Enomoto sits up, bewildered. “ _What?_ Do you realize what you’re asking right now?”

Shintaro frowns further, confused. “Uh, yes? So?”

Enomoto crosses her arms. “ _So?!_ You do realize if I go, it’s just you and me???”

“... And?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. What the hell is she getting at? “I mean, it’d be better if Haruka can join us, but it’s fine if it’s just you.”

“.... Kisaragi, you are _really_ freaking me out right now,” Enomoto mutters.

“And you’re being annoying,” he snaps. “Are you going to meet with me tomorrow or not?”

“That,” Enomoto begins hotly, “is _not_ how you ask a girl to hang out with you!”

“I didn’t realize I was asking one.”

“That’s it, I’m going to kill you—”

A couple insults later, Shintaro throws up his arms in exasperation. “So what I’m getting is, you _are_ free tomorrow, so just give me your contact information so we can plan this out!”

_“What—?!”_

“Oh!” Haruka says, suddenly reminding the two that he’s still there. They both look at him, and he looks awfully cheerful for some reason. “You two never exchanged contact information before?”

“... Of course?” Shintaro asks, while Enomoto nods in agreement.

“Well I want to exchange contact information too,” he says, pulling out his phone. “Doesn’t that seem fun?”

Shintaro frowns while Enomoto starts stuttering some nonsense. “What?” he asks. “I already have your contact information…”

He trails off at the _look_ that Haruka’s giving him, but then Haruka’s expression falls and he shakes his head. “Actually, you’re right,” he says quietly, already pocketing his phone. “There’s no real point—”

“Enomoto,” Shintaro says, crossing his arms and glaring at said girl. “Give Haruka your number.”

Enomoto stares at him, then Haruka, then back at him with wide eyes. “I don’t fucking get what’s going on,” she whispers.

But the three exchange contact information (or more like, the two boys exchange with Enomoto), and after a few more minutes of arguing Shintaro finally convinces her to spend some time on Sunday with him.

“You’re _really_ grossing me out right now, but you’re being so damn insistent so _fine,”_ she mutters, grabbing her bag. “Don’t make me regret this more than I already do.”

It’s only after she storms away does he realize that the tightness in his chest that has been with him since the rooftop has lessened, somewhat, and he lets out a small sigh.

“... Shintaro-kun,” Haruka says. Shintaro turns his gaze to meet his friend’s eyes. “What was that about?”

“.........” He stays silent, wondering if he should say anything at all. “..... I’ve been having a rough week,” Shintaro finally admits, taking a seat at Enomoto’s desk. He looks at the ground. “I guess, I just realized how much I took you all for granted.”

“... Really?” Haruka asks.

“Yeah,” Shintaro says. “You, Enomoto, Ayano… You three are my _friends_. I never had anyone like that before…” He sighs, then partially lies, “With summer vacation, I realized I missed you three.” A pause. “That’s why I decided to take classes, actually.”

“..... I’m sorry,” Haruka says, and Shintaro jerks his head up to stare at him, confused.

“What are you apologizing for?”

“I mean, it’s because of me you’ve been stressed out about this, right?” Haruka says quietly, wringing his hands. “I’m sorry, to just give you a temporary friendship like this—”

“I didn’t realize you were dumb, too,” Shintaro interjects harshly.

Haruka blinks. “Shintaro-kun…?”

“Sorry—” Shintaro’s already backtracking. “I shouldn’t have called you that, sorry, I—it’s just, Haruka, you are the last person who needs to apologize,” he mutters, shaking his head. “This… This is beyond your control, okay? And it’s not your fault. It’s _absolutely_ not your fault—”

He feels a hand grab his wrist, and Shintaro looks down at it before following his gaze up Haruka’s arm and finally to his face. Haruka looks at Shintaro with an oddly determined expression.

“It’s not _your_ fault either, Shintaro-kun.”

_… Why?_

“... I know,” Shintaro lies. “Thank you, Haruka.”

* * *

“I’m sorry you had to see all that,” Shintaro mutters as he walks along the street. He just left Haruka’s place, stepping in to get a cup of cold tea before Haruka admitted he needed some sleep. “That wasn’t cool at all…”

 **_Hm~_ ** Yaki hums. **_You aren’t cool to begin with, so it’s okay._ **

“Is that supposed to cheer me up…?”

 **_Do you_ ** **want** **_to be cheered up?_ **

He opens his mouth to answer, then closes it, frowning. “... That’s an odd question.”

Yaki pauses, and he figures that she might as well be shrugging, if she had shoulders. **_I don’t know, it felt like the right thing to ask. Do you?_ **

Shintaro shrugs, too. He admits, “I have no idea.”

 **_Hmmmmmm~_ **Yaki hums again.

“... Are you in a good mood?” he asks, confused.

 **_I’m just reflecting,_ **Yaki answers.

“Reflecting about what?”

 **_This is a timeline of many firsts,_ ** she replies. **_There’s a lot to take in._ **

“So what, this is _interesting_ to you?”.

**_No, it’s not like that._ **

“So what’s it like then?”

**_Nice, I suppose._ **

“... This is _nice?_ ” he asks. He feels so far from _nice._

**_Compared to before? Yes._ **

Shintaro opens his mouth to argue, indignant that him agonizing over how powerless he feels about his friends’ future deaths is apparently _nice_ , and then loses all steam when he realizes what the alternative is. He stares blankly at his own palm, practically able to feel the pair of scissors lying across it.

“I guess... this is really for the better….” he mutters.

Yaki doesn’t give him an answer. He sighs and looks ahead.

“Yaki, what do I do usually around this time today?” Shintaro asks.

**_Buy dinner. Today you get nikudon and you get oyakodon for your sister._ **

“So I guess I’m going shopping,” he says.

**_Since when were you a fan of repetition?_ **

“I’m not? But you reminded me it’s time to eat anyway, so…” he sighs as he changes his route to go to the convenience store. “I should buy something different this time. And actually get Momo something.”

He sends Momo a text to not worry about dinner and looks up at Yaki’s voice,

**_You should eat something entirely different than convenience store food._ **

“Why do you care about that?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

 **_I don’t, but it_ ** **is** **_boring watching you eat the same thing all the time, and I know it’s not healthy. While your body may already be ruined from your diet, I still pity your sister for having to each such crap every day._ **

“Hey! Our mom works late into the night almost every day, it’s not like we can just eat out every day either with our finances…” He sulks. “You know that already, jeez.”

**_Yeah, and I know you can cook, too. So there’s little excuse._ **

Shintaro pauses in his steps. “... I can’t cook,” he says, almost accusingly.

**_Hm? But you can?_ **

“No, I can’t,” he argues. “The last time I even stepped in front of a stove was—”

 **_A year and seven months ago, add a week, yes,_ ** Yaki replies smoothly. **_But your sister seemed to like what you made then._ **

“... Really?” He shakes his head. “No, wait—Momo will eat _anything_ , so that doesn’t count. You couldn’t tell, but that curry was crap. And the rice didn’t even come out right…”

**_Really? It all looked alright to me._ **

“... What do you know, you’re a snake,” he snaps, but his voice lacks energy.

**_What I know is that if Momo can apparently eat ‘anything’, then she’ll probably eat whatever you make now._ **

“.... So, what?” he asks, frowning. “You’re seriously suggesting I _cook_ right now? Out of all things?”

Yaki sounds awfully cheerful. **_I’m not suggesting anything~_ **

“... I guess it was pretty rude of me to not get her dinner the past two days, and I don’t have anything else planned,” he admits. “Fine. To the grocery store, then.”

He takes a slight detour to the grocery store, looking up recipes on his phone along the way. “This is going to be a pain to carry back,” he complains in the store as he loads produce into his shopping basket.

**_Stop talking to yourself._ **

“Gah—”

No one greets him when he finally gets home, so he just heads straight to the kitchen and proceeds to create a disaster of a mess as he starts cooking.

To his surprise, Yaki starts giving inputs.

**_There’s a better way to chop onions._ **

Shin pauses to briefly wipe at his stinging eyes with his forearm. “Huh?”

**_Yeah, grab that half and then cut across it horizontally to make a comb-like pattern, with about two centimeters between each cut._ **

“.... What, like this?” he asks, following her instructions carefully. The knife makes a satisfying sound with each chop.

 **_Like that. Next, chop perpendicular to_ ** **that** **_with the same measurements…_ **

Shintaro follows, watching the diced onions scatter across the chopping board. “Huh…” He squints. “How the hell do you know how to do this?”

**_Girl’s intuition. It’s pretty easy._ **

“You’re a snake, though,” he says as he slides the onions into a bowl. “You don’t even have hands? How does a snake even know how to use a knife?”

**_I bet I can yield a knife better than you, with your current workmanship._ **

“Hey, I think I’m doing pretty okay.”

**_Yeah, with my help. Also, curl the fingers of your left hand in like a cat when you chop. That prevents any risk of injury._ **

**__ **

Yaki helps him chop the rest of the vegetables and then even guides him into the cooking portion of the recipe.

“How do you even know how to _cook?_ ” he asks as he dissolves roux into the simmering pot. “You only had to learn from me, right—?”

“Who are you talking to?”

He nearly drops the ladle at Momo’s voice and turns to the hallway, blinking his eyes rapidly in hopes that his eyes aren’t red anymore.

Momo’s voice draws nearer. “Is that curry? It smells good~ Did mom make it?”

She enters the kitchen and stops, blinking. “Onii-chan, _you’re_ cooking…?”

“Ah, yeah,” he answers and resumes stirring. “Hope that’s alright.”

“............” Momo takes a long moment to just stare at him, then she smiles carefully. “... Wow! What’s the occasion?”

“There is none?” he admits. _Just the snake in my head told me to make something…_ “I just… Felt like it…”

“Weird,” Momo admits. “But um… Can I have some?”

“Of course,” Shintaro replies, raising an eyebrow. “This is your dinner too.”

Momo’s expressions drops, and then she _smiles_ at him, joy filling her features. “Oh, okay! Do you want help???”

“No,” Shintaro says hastily. Who knows what weird add-ons Momo will want to add to the curry. “It’ll be ready in a few minutes, so can you put some rice out? Mom made some this morning…”

They eat dinner together in the dining room.

“Mmmmm!” Momo hums after her first bite. “Onii-chan, this is really good!”

“You think…? You’re not just saying that?” he asks, before taking a bite himself. To his surprise, it _is_ really good. Huh.

“Yep!” Momo grins. “This is the best way to end the week! Thank you, Onii-chan!”

“No… No problem…”

Momo offers to do the dishes, so after dinner he goes back to his room. It’s already late, and honestly, he’s exhausted, so he starts preparing to go to bed.

“... Thanks, Yaki,” he says.

**_What for?_ **

“...” Shintaro smiles, partially glad she can’t see his expression. “For a good evening.” _I needed that._

Yaki just gives him a happy-sounding hum in response. The night ends rather peacefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Illustrations were by me, but thank you Blake (zmorys on tumblr) for editing the snake knife pic (original an Arcana meme) for me jfkldsjfdls
> 
> Thank you for reading!!!


	7. August 12th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three days left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No art for this chapter bc my fingers are cold hfkdlsjdflsk Gomenasorry. Hope you enjoy the chapter!

Shintaro yawns widely, covering his mouth with a hand. “Jeez, I’m still tired…” he murmurs, wiping his eyes. He had slept in late purposefully, since Enomoto and him had agreed to meet in the afternoon. No surprise that she’s a late sleeper, too.

Yaki doesn’t respond, but it’s not like he expects her to. The mall’s crowded, as expected on a Sunday afternoon, and he watches the people walk past with little interest. Shintaro checks his phone.

“Hey,” a voice says, and he looks up to see Enomoto. She’s dressed casually in a blue hoodie and black jeans, and he blinks, wondering why she looks _familiar_...

“Hey,” he greets, pushing himself off the wall he was leaning against to step up to her.

“So?” Enomoto asks, pushing her hands into her pockets. “What are we here to do?”

“Want to go to the food court?” Shintaro asks.

Enomoto wrinkles her nose. “The food court? But I’m not hungry.”

Shintaro frowns. “Uh… And I should care about that why?”

Enomoto scowls, then shakes her head. “Didn’t you ask me to come here because you wanted to go shopping or something?”

“Where would you get that assumption?”

“We’re at a _mall_ ,” Enomoto says, crossing her arms. “Why else would you suggest we meet here?”

Shintaro shrugs. “It’s nearby?”

“Oh my god,” Enomoto mutters quietly, rolling her eyes. “Seriously? You called me out here to _talk?_ That makes it sound like a…” She glares at him. “I don’t know what trick you’re trying to pull here, Kisaragi, but I’m not falling for it. This isn’t a date.”

Shintaro scowls. “A _date?”_ he repeats. “No, this isn’t a date. Don’t even suggest that, it’s gross.”

“For once we agree,” Enomoto says. “But seriously, I didn’t come to the mall just to talk to you over some overpriced food.”

She walks off, and Shintaro huffs in exasperation and follows her.

**_You two make a stupid duo._ **

“Shut up,” he retorts.

Enomoto whips around, scowling. _“I didn’t even say anything?!”_

They keep walking, Enomoto leading slightly, and Shintaro just follows impatiently. She slows down soon enough, and he catches up to her and follows her gaze to… the arcade.

“Huh?” They both stop walking. “What, do you want to go in here?” he asks. “What are you, a kid?”

“Shut up,” Enomoto retorts. “Do you have a better suggestion?”

“Uh, yeah. I suggested the food court.”

Enomoto glares at him. “And will you pay for my food?”

“No.”

“Then we’re going in here,” she says, already walking to the arcade.

Shintaro shrugs and follows after her.

**_What are you doing?_ **

“Fine, just don’t complain if I kick your ass again,” Shintaro says loudly.

**_Um..._ **

Enomoto doesn’t look behind. “Oh, _bring it.”_

Yaki sighs. **_What was the point of this again?_ **

They drop by a coin machine to get some arcade tokens before looking through the games. Shintaro refuses to play any of the zombie-based ones and earns several insults from Enomoto, but they eventually find a PvP one with mob-based enemies.

Shintaro puts coins into the slot and grabs one of the guns. Enomoto follows.

“This is revenge for last time, Kisaragi!”

“Don’t count on it, Enomoto.”

The game starts, and they both start shooting. Shintaro focuses, as he always does when he plays shooting games, and with a small twinge of satisfaction he realizes that he’s actually never played this game before. Enemies fall on his screen regardless, headshots earning him bonus points.

Eventually the waves of enemies stop, and, to his immense satisfaction, the word ‘VICTORY’ flashes over his screen.

He turns to Enomoto, smirking. “My win again.”

“Aaaagh,” Enomoto groans. “That’s no fun. I demand a rematch.”

“Sure,” Shintaro shrugs, turning back to the screen. “Good thing you didn’t make a stupid bet like last time. What was it, you’d call me—?”

He pauses as he remembers, then frowns. He looks over at Enomoto, who’s currently putting more tokens into the machine.

“Ene?”

Enomoto immediately looks up at him, pausing her actions as she frowns at him in confusion.

“Why would I call you that?” she asks.

“No,” he says, shaking his head. “Who’s ‘Ene’?”

“Huh?” Enomoto stands up. “I don’t know what the hell brought that up, but uh… That’s me, I guess? That’s my online handle.”

“Oh…” Shintaro frowns, confused, but he can’t say more without explaining Yaki and everything that’s going on.

“That actually makes me think, Kisaragi,” Enomoto says, smirking at him. “What’s _your_ online handle? You have to have one, with all the shooting and mobile games you play. I bet it’s something really dumb and edgy, huh?”

“... None of your business,” Shintaro mutters.

“Oh~ I _know_ it’s embarrassing.”

“Not as embarrassing as yours,” he snaps. “What’s ‘Ene’ after? _E-_ nomoto Taka- _ne_ , really?”

“What?!” Enomoto huffs. “It’s clever and you know it!”

They squabble in front of the machines until somebody clears their throat loudly behind them, They turn towards the noise, annoyed, only to be told by the duo behind them that they’re waiting to play… So Enomoto finishes paying for their game and they quickly play again. To Shintaro’s slight annoyance, he gets a ‘PERFECT’ this time along with his victory, and he doesn’t goad as they walk away from the machine.

“Great, now what,” Enomoto mutters. “You refused practically every interesting game here..”

“That one’s open,” Shintaro points out.

“Oh, you’re right…” Enomoto’s eyes light up with recognition. “Oh, that’s _Pumpkin Shooter!_ That brings up memories…” She tsks. “But it’s team-based with two players. I don’t want to be teammates with you, I bet you’re an ass to play with.”

“I’m good at multiplayer PvP, if that’s what you’re implying,” Shintaro says. “Haruka and I play games together all the time.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you two do…” Enomoto mutters, walking away. “Come on.”

He follows and they start playing together. Shintaro’s already familiar with the game, even in arcade mode compared to online, and with his callouts the two of them begin to kill it. Not a single squid enemy even touches either of their characters.

“So, what did you call me here for?” Enomoto asks while shooting.

“Eyes on the screen, Enomoto,” Shintaro says automatically.

“What, can’t talk and shoot at the same time?” Enomoto asks. “How lame…”

“Tch.”

“It’s about Ayano, isn’t it? I bet it is.”

“I guess?” Shintaro admits, his eyes glued to the screen as he shoots. “But it’s about Haruka too.”

Enomoto falters, turning to look at him. “Haruka??? What about him?”

“Pay attention,” Shintaro says, aiming towards her half of the screen and shooting rapidly. “More squids are going to come in from both sides next. We can talk about this after.”

Enomoto scowls, aiming her gun back at the screen. “Fine, you nerd.”

They finish their game, ‘NEW HIGH SCORE’ shining on the screen, and blink at the sudden storm of applause behind them. They both simultaneously turn towards the crowd that had gathered behind them, scowling, and the crowd quickly scatters.

“Ready to go to the food court now?” he asks as they walk away.

“...” Enomoto shrugs. “Sure.”

They go to the food court and buy smoothies before sitting down to talk.

“So?” Enomoto starts.

“Has Haruka been okay in class lately?” he asks.

“Okay?” Enomoto repeats. “Why wouldn’t he be okay?”

Shintaro sighs, looking at his drink. “Hm… Well, don’t tell him I told you this, but his illness has been getting worse recently.” He shakes his head. “Like, much worse. Really, really bad, _worse._ ”

“What…? Really?” Enomoto looks worried. “He’s been acting the same as usual, though…”

“Yeah, that’s not surprising,” Shintaro says. “That’s just the type of guy he is, don’t you think?” He sighs again. “It’s.. It’s just that I have a bad feeling, that’s all.”

“Kisaragi…”

“Listen, Enomoto,” he says. “Do you think… This upcoming week, you can keep a close eye on him while you’re together? Like, be prepared for the worst…”

“The worst…?” Enomoto frowns, alarmed. “Kisaragi, you make it sound like he’s going to _die—”_

She cuts off at the look that he’s giving her, and her eyes widen with horror.

“... No…” She shakes her head. “No, that’s wrong. Haruka can’t _die,_ that’s… That’s not…”

“... I’m just asking you, please,” he says.

“...” She nods. “Yeah. Alright. You seem really serious about this, and he’s your best friend, so…”

“Great,” Shintaro says, pulling out his phone. “Okay, I’m going to text you a bunch of links about the proper thing to do when someone goes under cardiac arrest or similar circumstances—”

“Wait, what—?”

“It’d be great if one of us could get CPR certified, but it’s a bit too late for that now—”

“Too late?”

“Um, I mean, we _can?_ But we can’t do that right away, but I think Tateyama-sensei should be certified, since he’s your teacher after all, and if not he should at least have an AED—”

“An AED?”

“Automated External Defibrillator, it shocks the heart to resume beating. Should only be used if he has no pulse. It should be either in or near your classroom, if Tateyama-sensei’s properly prepared, and he should know how to use it, so he should be the person you stick with—”

“Kisaragi, holy shit. You’re _worried.”_

“Yeah, I am,” he says, meeting her gaze steadily. “I’m _really_ worried.”

“...” Enomoto sighs. “Okay, so what you’re telling me is to watch over Haruka and get Tateyama-sensei if anything… happens. I can do that much…” She shakes her head, pigtails bouncing. “But… What’s with this sudden worry?”

“No… Not just that,” she continues. “You’ve been acting really weird lately. First you show up at school, and then you get registered in summer classes even though we all know you don’t give a crap about studying, and then now this… And you said you had business with Ayano, right?”

She stirs her drink with her straw. “Sorry to change the subject, but I actually talked with Ayano about you over text, asking what you’d possibly want with her, but she didn’t give me a coherent answer…”

“... I think she’s hiding something,” Shintaro says.

“... I think you’re right,” Enomoto sighs. “I can’t guess about what, though. I thought she and I are friends, but I guess it’s too much to ask her what’s on her mind, huh?”

“I don’t know,” Shintaro mutters. So Ayano isn’t opening up to her either. “Beats me how a girl’s mind works.”

Enomoto scoffs lightly. “Do you have to put it that way…?”

“..... Guess not,” he admits.

She frowns at him, but she doesn’t look angry at all. In fact, she looks confused. “Kisaragi, _what’s_ going on?”

“I’m worried about Ayano, alright?” he says. “Not just Haruka, her too.”

“...” Enomoto takes a small sip of her drink, looking down in thought before slowly saying, “Kisaragi, no offense, but with Ayano… Why do you suddenly _care?”_

“... Huh?”

“... I don’t know. Just, from my perspective…” Enomoto shakes her head. “Ayano clearly thinks a lot about you, but I didn’t know it was the other way around. It’s hard to tell with you.” Another sip of her drink. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“Do… Do I really come off that badly?” Shintaro asks.

“Seriously?” Enomoto stares at him. “You didn’t remember her birthday this year, even though she told you about it, and it’s only because we ran into you at that event that you even went to her birthday party...

“Meanwhile, she didn’t even hesitate to plan out _your_ birthday party this year. Really small, with just us three and your sister, because she knew that you’d like that better. She’s always considerate when it comes to you, but you don’t ever seem to do anything for her.”

Shintaro doesn’t respond.

“And it’s always her bringing you along to our meetings at school. Leave you alone and you’d probably just eat in the classroom, and outside of school you’d probably only talk to Haruka…”

He doesn’t respond.

“And when you _do_ interact with her? Maybe you’re different one-on-one, but even around Haruka and me you’re still so… Well, _rude_ to her. You never—”

“I get it,” Shintaro finally says, not meeting her eyes. “... You’re… You’re right. I.. I probably never noticed how grateful I am to her for being there for me all the time…”

“...” Enomoto frowns. “‘Grateful’...?”

He sighs. “Yeah. And.. I’d.. I’d like to make it up to her, if that’s possible.” He looks up at her. “Can I ask you another favor?”

“Huh…” Enomoto nods, slowly. “I’m already watching Haruka this week, like you asked, but if there’s something else I can do…”

“Yeah.” Shintaro nods. “Can you give me Ayano’s number?”

* * *

Back at home, Shintaro sighs and keeps his eyes away from the pair of scissors that still lie across his desk.

 **_That was interesting,_ **Yaki comments.

“What about it?” he asks.

**_Well, I’ve never seen you have a heart-to-heart with Enomoto before._ **

“A ‘heart-to-heart’... Would you call it that?” he asks, shrugging. “I just told her what I was thinking…”

**_That’s still new._ **

“I guess…” He sighs. “I’m not sure if what I asked her will help Haruka, but maybe…”

**_If she and Kokonose are together when he gets his attack, it might. It’s the best medical solution, at least._ **

“... Yeah,” he sighs, then blinks as his phone starts vibrating in his pocket. He pulls it out and sees Haruka’s name on the screen.

“Hello?” he greets after picking up the call.

 _“Hey, Shintaro-kun!”_ Haruka greets. _“Did you meet up with Takane today?”_

“Ah, yeah, I did,” he says. “We met up at the mall.”

_“Oh, the mall? What did you do there?”_

“We went to the arcade, by her suggestion. We played some _Pumpkin Shooter_ , actually.”

“Pumpkin Shooter, _huh?”_ Haruka laughs lightly. _“That sounds like fun! I want to play that with Ene again!”_

Shintaro blinks. “Why are you calling her that?”

_“Huh? It’s her online handle, after all. When she’s shooting, she’s Ene!”_

“Huh, I see…” Shintaro gets an idea. “Well, do you want to invite her to play with us tonight? If you’re up to play, that is.”

 _“Wah—wait, really?”_ Haruka asks. _“I mean, I was going to ask you to play tonight, but...”_

“I don’t mind,” Shintaro says. “I mean, she’s probably gaming as we speak. Might as well invite her.”

_“Oooh…..”_

“...” Shintaro smiles. “Do _you_ want to ask her?”

_“M-Me???”_

“Yeah, you. You’re closer to her anyway, so she’ll probably say yes to you.”

_“I wouldn’t know about that…”_

“Just give it a try,” Shintaro encourages. “We can play a bigger, team-based game… Maybe something new? Tell you what, you decide what game we’re playing and then invite her, okay? I’ll be waiting.”

 _“That… That sounds like a lot of fun, actually!”_ Haruka exclaims. _“Okay! Thank you, Shintaro-kun!”_

Shintaro chuckles at the joy in his voice. “What are you thanking me for? Well, hurry up and do it before it gets too late.”

_“Okay! I have a game in mind, actually, so I’ll send you a download link! See you later!”_

Haruka hangs up, and soon enough Shintaro gets a message on his computer screen from him. He clicks the link and stares at the download page. “...... _Seriously?”_

 **_Oooh…_ **Yaki comments in interest.

Fifteen minutes later, Shintaro, Haruka, and Enomoto are playing _Minecraft_ together.

“Why are we playing this game?” Shintaro asks over voice chat.

 _“I dunno, Haruka chose it?”_ Enomoto asks. She snickers. _“Ain’t that okay,_ Noshi Mochi _?”_

“Shut up,” Shintaro retorts, while Enomoto breaks into peals of laughter.

 _“It’s a cute handle!”_ Haruka comments. _“And I always wanted to play this game! It’s world-building but you can also do combat, and the cubes seem kinda cute, don’t they??”_

Well, Shintaro can’t argue with that, and neither can Enomoto, apparently. The three mess around and end up creating some rectangular Tower of Babel, though at some point Enomoto just starts hacking at his character until he dies. Repeatedly. Yaki commenting does _not_ help either.

**_Wow, what a loser—_ **

“Stop it!!!”

Enomoto just cackles while hopping repeatedly over his rectangular corpse. Haruka laughs, too, and, despite himself, Shintaro starts chuckling as well.

About an hour in, another player wanders up to them. All fine, except their name is ‘Red-Scarfed Hero’.

“... Ayano?” Shintaro asks in surprise.

 _“Hello!”_ Ayano’s voice says over voice chat, startling him. He didn’t hear her join the call. _“Takane invited me… I-I hope that’s okay!”_

“Of course!” Shintaro says, while Haruka greets her cheerfully.

Shintaro has half the mind to talk to her, but they're in a group call and the other three are quick to go back to gaming. Ayano does well with preventing Enomoto from killing him again, but at one point they’re all so busy running into each other at the edge of the tower that both he and Ayano go toppling over.

 _“Long live the King,”_ Enomoto says darkly.

 _“Mufasa, noooo!”_ Haruka cheers.

 **_Oof,_ **Yaki says dully.

He stares at their corpses on his screen. “.... Sorry.”

 _“Ahaha, that’s okay! Let’s revive quickly and rejoin them!”_ Ayano says.

If only it could be that easy.

A few hours later, Haruka reluctantly admits that he needs to sleep, reminding the other three that it’s also bedtime for them if they want to go to class, and their gaming ends with pleasant “Good night”’s and “See you later”’s.

“That,” Shintaro says as he closes his game, “wasn’t so bad.”

**_You seemed like you were having fun._ **

“...” Shintaro stares at the date on his computer screen’s toolbar. It’s past midnight and already August 13th. “.... Yeah. Might as well enjoy it while I can.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bahaha. Minecraft was totally added bc people in Dani’s Kagepro server love it, even though I’ve never played it in my life. Hope ya’ll enjoyed the reference <3
> 
> ‘Noshi Mochi’ is what I decided Shintaro’s online handle is. Shintaro is 伸太郎, with “伸” (Shin) being in "伸し餅" (Noshi Mochi), which means “Flattened Ricecakes”. Those are really yummy!! Also, Noshi Mochi sounds really cute!
> 
> Anyway, I know Yaki didn’t talk much this chapter but she still has an active role in this fic! Hope you look forward to the future chapters and thank you so much for reading!
> 
> S/O to Rochi (rochichan on tumblr & twitter) for drawing fanart for some scenes in ch 3!! Thank you so much QoQ The links are here!  
> https://twitter.com/rochi_kgpr/status/1102746304038531074  
> https://twitter.com/rochi_kgpr/status/1102758543202107394
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos and comments are highly appreciated!


	8. Route M-?

_How many times has it been now?_

_She stopped counting when it reached thirty_

_Each time she woke up with him, it started a bit earlier_

_Soon enough she would start weeks, months, then years before her initial activation time_

_But it’s just like watching the same movie, over and over again_

_Nothing changed_

_If anything, it only got more repetitive_

_If anything, he only got worse with each repeat_

_And it always ended the_ **_same_ **

_What was she supposed to feel?_

_Perhaps emotions are harder to feel when you lose your humanity_

_But how in the world she supposed to react when he keeps doing this to himself?_

_When she doesn’t even get why?_

_When she finally witnessed August 15th of his first high school year, she finally understood_

_A little_

_Not entirely_

_She read over the article about that girl’s death with him_

_She had wondered for ages now, if she would appear in his life in some way or another_

_She’s surprised, admittedly_

_She thought they’d be strangers, but they’re not_

_To think that she dies in her teens and becomes part of that Neverending World_

_Or does she? Things don’t add up_

_How much does she know? What is going on in her head? Does she still have a family?_

**_Why the hell would she do that to him?_ **

**_Why was it his fault?_ **

_She’s just as confused as him_

_She doesn’t understand this girl at all_

_But she realizes, as she watches him fall into his repetitive depression_

_And as the year goes by with the girl in blue as his rejected company_

**_It’s probably that girl’s fault that this is all happening_ **

_He activates her once more on August 15th on his 18th year_

_She asks again_

**_Now that you remember, what are you going to do?_ **

_But what the hell is there to remember?_

_He only knows one solution_

_Only one way to possibly meet that girl again_

_She sighs_

_How many more times will this happen?_

**_Don’t_ **

_He doesn’t listen_

_And points the blade of the scissors to his throat_

_She watches silently_

_And everything ends once more_


	9. August 13th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two days left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyo! Thank you as usual for following Route M-X!
> 
> Illustration this chapter is by the very talented Dani! Check out the end of chapter notes for her info! :D

Shintaro arrives to class about fifteen minutes early and takes a seat at his desk, ignoring the odd looks that his other classmates give him. He never bothered learning their names or even their faces, though he supposes that with Yaki’s help he could probably recall them…

 _I wonder if that’s wrong of me, not caring,_ he thinks. It certainly didn’t help with Ayano, Haruka, and Enomoto, after all... But he can’t really focus on the thought of befriending other people, not when he’s too focused on keeping the few friends he already has…

He turns his head towards Ayano’s empty desk and stares blankly at the paper crane still on it. No one had bothered to clean it up, apparently. It’s definitely the same one that he had picked up from the rooftop multiple times before, after that day.

Shintaro silently reaches over and plucks the paper crane from her desk. He holds it in his hands for a few moments, staring, before carefully depositing it into his bag.

He sighs and stares at the doorway, waiting.

A few more students stream in. His impatience grows as the time for class to start draws closer.

A familiar panic begins to spark in his chest as everyone but Ayano seems to arrive and go to their desks, and he flinches as the bell rings. His heart beats in his throat, but to his immense relief he sees Ayano finally entering the classroom.

She pauses as she locks eyes with him at the doorway, a blank, unreadable expression on her face. And then she looks away, not meeting his stare as she passes his desk and sits at her own.

He opens his mouth to say something, perhaps a “Hi” or a “What’s wrong?”, but their teacher comes in and begins announcements, starting with Shintaro’s sudden registration as a summer student. He’s forced to stand in front of the class as his teacher tells the rest of the class that he’s their tutor during study period. He’d be embarrassed, really, but he’s too focused on something else:

Ayano doesn’t so much as look at him the whole time.

 _Something’s wrong,_ he thinks as he returns to his desk. Well, no shit something’s wrong, but he’s confused. True, their conversation on Saturday wasn’t great, but she seemed fine with him last night while they were gaming…

He turns to her, but she’s pointedly staring at their teacher and _not_ at him as he begins lecturing.

Shintaro blinks at his notebook, befuddled. He grabs a pencil.

 _Are you alright?_ he writes down before carefully ripping the paper out of his notebook. He folds it and, while the teacher’s turned away, places it on her desk.

He stares pointedly at Ayano as she stares at the piece of paper, unfolds it, and reads over it. Her eyes narrow, and she writes down on it before returning the paper to him.

_Yes. I’m focusing._

He reads over her message, squinting, and looks back at her, but she’s just dutifully writing notes. What the hell, maybe she really is just trying to study…

 _Doesn’t make sense, if she’s planning to kill herself,_ he thinks dully. What, does that mean she _won’t_ do it now? Something tells him it’s not that simple.... _No, she’s avoiding me again…_

Maybe he should feel irritated, but anxiety starts clawing at his chest instead. He can’t just make a scene in the classroom, though, so to pass time he tries to focus on the lecture… And just realizes that he, of course, already knows the material. The anxiety just grows instead, and Ayano doesn’t react at all to his repeated glances towards her.

Shintaro sighs and hunches over his notebook, brushing at the hair around his temples with his fingers so they’d cover the corners of his eyes. Lately, he acknowledges, only one method really worked with quelling his anxieties about this whole situation…

He writes,

_Hey, Yaki._

No response for a long moment as he stares over his words, then,

**_What is it?_ **

He taps his pencil against his paper, thinking, before writing, _I don’t know what to do right now._

**_Well, you can think more about the situation you’re in besides complaining to me._ **

_I’m already doing that._

**_Well, keep doing it._ **

_It’s not really helping._

**_Hmm… So what, you just want to talk to me?_ **

_Yeah._

No response for a long moment, then,

**_Your handwriting sucks._ **

Shintaro lets out a tiny huff.

_Shut up._

**_I just decided to talk to you, and you’re already telling me to shut up? As you wish,_ ** **Goshujin.**

He pauses at that, blinking. Right, that topic… He had realized yesterday, but with all the distractions he didn’t really have a chance to elaborate on it…

_That girl Ene called me that._

No response for a few minutes. Shintaro taps his pencil against his paper, staring pointedly at his words.

_Yaki, pls talk to me._

No response.

 _I’m sorry I told you to shut up._ He pauses, then adds a _:(_ for good measure.

Yaki sighs loudly. **_What, Ene? What about her?_ **

Shintaro pauses. He hasn’t talked about Ene with Yaki at all yet, since the thought of her just made him queasy, but this isn’t something he can just ignore.

 _So ‘Ene’ is Enomoto’s handle,_ he writes.

**_Yes._ **

_So……_ he trails his dots rather unnecessarily, then, _That girl, Ene, is connected to Enomoto somehow, right?_

No response again. His teacher keeps lecturing. Ayano keeps ignoring him.

_Yaki?_

**_… Oh wait, you’re serious?_ **

Shintaro narrows his eyes, then blinks rapidly about a dozen times.

 **_Stop that. And I thought that was pretty obvious,_ ** Yaki says. **_Are you seriously telling me you never realized this before?_ **

_No? Why didn’t you tell me?_

**_You never brought up the topic until now._ **

Well, she’s right about that...

 _But how???_ he writes.

Another long silence, then Yaki says, **_I dunno._ **

_Yaki >:( _

**_Pouting won’t make me find an answer._ **

_Fine…_

Only pausing to glance at Ayano (who still is just dutifully studying), he flips to a new page and starts brainstorming. He doodles Enomoto and Ene and starts listing their similarities and differences.

He flips open the notebook and starts writing on the other page of the spread.

 _Maybe she’s an AI designed to look like Enomoto?_ he writes.  _They have the same dumb pigtails. But they don’t look too alike, so I never noticed before… And who the hell would make Ene after Enomoto? Is that type of technology even possible???_

**_Their pigtails are cute._ **

Shintaro squints, then scribbles, _THAT’S _ _what you’re focusing on???_

He spends the rest of the time until lunchtime just creating more theories about Ene, but Yaki just gives less than helpful inputs. Neither of them talk about what happened to Ene at the end of each timeline.

The bell to signal lunch rings, and Shintaro immediately looks up and towards Ayano, who stands up and, finally, looks at him.

“Hey, Shintaro,” she says, her voice lacking enthusiasm.

“H-Hey…”

She shrugs, looking away, and then suddenly smiles at him. “Want to eat lunch with the other two?”

“...? O-Okay…”

They exit the classroom together and begin walking down to Haruka and Enomoto’s classroom. He glances towards her, but Ayano just hums an idle tune and looks straight ahead.

“Uh, Ayano…?”

“Hm?”

“Uh… Yesterday was fun, wasn’t it?”

“Was it?”

Oh god, it’s like talking to a wall. “Uh…” Why the hell is this so awkward? He decides to change the topic. “Um, right. I got your number from Enomoto yesterday, by the way.”

Ayano falters in her steps, then looks at him. “Huh? What?”

He feels so uncomfortable, and he idly rubs his throat with one hand. “Uh, I got your number from Enomoto,” he repeats. “Is that alright?”

“Ummmm…” She narrows her eyes at him. “You shouldn’t really get someone’s number from another person, Shintaro! That’s just rude, don’t you think?”

Ouch. “Sorry,” he says sheepishly. “I was going to ask you earlier, actually, but, uh, you sort of ran out on me last time I tried to talk to you…”

“... Ahaha, right...” she says and begins walking again. He hurries to keep up with her.

“I, uh, didn’t text you yet though or anything,” Shintaro says. “If it’s alright that I have it, can I text you to confirm that it’s really your number?”

“Aaaah, ummmmm….” Ayano gives him a sheepish smile. “Actually, I don’t have my phone right now.”

He blinks. “You don’t?”

“I’m a bit forgetful, you know?” Ayano says with a nod. “So I didn’t, um, bring it with me today… And I should focus on my studies anyway…”

“... You’re really concentrating on your studies, huh?” he asks. “Well, um, okay then. I’ll text you when you get home?”

“Okay.”

He’s almost relieved when they finally arrive at the others’ classroom.

“Hi senpais!” Ayano greets brightly, her change in behavior causing him to blink in surprise.

“Hellooo you two,” Enomoto returns while Haruka waves. “Did you come here to eat lunch together?”

“Yep!”

The four of them go up to their usual lunch spot, the rooftop. _Why the hell do we eat here again?_ he thinks as he pulls out his bento and opens it.

“Huh… Is that homemade curry, Shintaro-kun?” Haruka asks, leaning over to look.

“Ah, yeah,” he says. “I made it on Saturday. It’s still good though.”

 _“You_ made it?” Enomoto asks in surprise.

“Yeah?”

“Oooh, I want to try!” Haruka says.

“Sure,” Shintaro says.

Haruka tries a bite and hums. “Mmm, it’s good! Nice job!”

“Th-Thanks…” He’s not really hungry, so, “Do you want some more?”

“Ah, I’m good,” Haruka says, holding up his own lunch. “Thank you though!”

“Heeeh, now I’m curious. I didn’t know Kisaragi can cook,” Enomoto says, eyeing Shintaro’s bento. “Aren’t you curious too, Ayano?”

“Huh?” Ayano looks up from her food, blinking innocently. “Why would I be?”

_Ouch._

“Ouch,” Enomoto mutters. Even Haruka looks confused.

The rest of lunch is awfully awkward. Ayano focuses on her food, though eventually she and Enomoto start up some idle conversation. Shintaro notices that Haruka barely touches his food. He catches Enomoto staring at Haruka, too, and they exchange somber glances.

The bell rings, and they exchange their goodbyes before Shintaro and Ayano return to their classroom. She pointedly goes back to ignoring him, and lecture starts again.

 _Yaki, Ayano’s starting to freak me out,_ he writes in his notebook.

 **_Yeah, I don’t know,_ ** Yaki responds dryly. **_She’s planning to die in two days. Do the math yourself._ **

Well great, now he’s got two girls being curt with him. He sighs and decides to actually pay attention to lecture until their teacher announces that it’s time for free period. Shintaro turns towards Ayano, but his teacher steps in and reminds him that he’s here to tutor… So he asks, “Hey, Ayano, do you need help?”

Ayano blinks, then shrugs and looks at him. “Uh, I dunno. Sure?”

That’s not helpful… But he pushes his desk to hers and, not really knowing what else to do, starts tutoring her. She struggles over her math problems as expected, and he gives her pointers.

“Hey, that’s correct,” he says as she finishes a problem. “Nice job.”

Ayano blinks, then stares at him with an unreadable expression. “... Thanks?”

Shintaro sighs with what he’s pretty sure is exasperation. “Ayano, what’s wrong—?”

“Um, Kisaragi,” a new voice asks behind him. “Can I ask you to help me with this problem...?”

He scowls and turns towards the random classmate that approached him, and to his surprise there’s actually a couple of them…

“Um, I’m actually—”

“Go on, Shintaro!” Ayano says cheerfully, and he whips his head towards her at her change in tone. _Again?_ She smiles brightly at him. “I think I can handle the rest on my own, thanks!”

“But…”

But she’s back staring at her papers, and his classmates are still staring at him, so he reluctantly gets up and spends the rest of class time tutoring them.

The bell rings, and Ayano stands up and pulls her bag over her shoulder.

“Hey, Ayano,” he starts as he passes the rest of their leaving classmates. “Can we—?”

“Shintaro,” Ayano says, her eyes narrowing slightly as she stares at his feet. “You’ve been kinda pushy lately, haven’t you?”

He freezes. “Uh—”

“Like… I’d appreciate it you’d give me some space. I’m a girl, y’know?”

“Ayano, you’re acting really weird—”

“Wow, rude!” Ayano exclaims. “I’m weirded out by _you,_ okay?? Anyway, I don’t want to walk home with you, so bye!”

She moves to walk past him, and he grabs her wrist—

Ayano _rips_ her hand away from his and _glares_ at him. The expression, oddly enough, strikes him as _familiar,_ and he freezes at the deja vu that rushes over him. He’s left watching as she walks away from him without a word.

To his relief, she doesn’t start running again… But neither does she look behind him, and for some reason he can’t bring himself to catch up to her. He follows her to the stairwell and watches her join the stream of students downward. Shintaro tails after her until he watches her change her shoes at the school entrance and leave the building.

“...” He turns around and begins walking back deeper into the school building. “... Yaki, what just happened…?”

The hallways are pretty much empty except for some students dutifully doing janitorial duties, so Yaki responds,

**_You got rejected again. Poor you._ **

“But, I didn’t even _ask_ her anything this time?” he says. “Besides just asking her if she’s okay… God, she was acting so weird.” He looks down. “Is it because of what she’s planning to do?”

**_I don’t know. Probably?_ **

_“Great,”_ he sighs. “Maybe I should’ve just followed after her…”

**_She didn’t seem like she’d talk to you if you tried again, though._ **

“Yeah… You’re right…” He rubs his throat. “Fuck, what if she plans to do it early…?” He shakes his head. “I have her number, so I’ll text her when she’s home… It’s not over just yet.”

He goes to Haruka and Enomoto’s classroom, but it’s empty. He sits at Haruka’s desk and shoots them both a text. Thankfully, he gets quick responses.

Haruka: _I’m on my way home! How was your day??_

Enomoto: _Nothing to report today._  
Enomoto: _I feel a lil bad for you tho. Did you do something to Ayano?_ _  
_ Enomoto: _And did Haruka always eat that little?_

He gives half-hearted responses and spends some time conversing with them. Eventually, though, he gets up with a sigh and leaves the classroom.

The climb up the stairwell is silent except for his footsteps, and he checks the time before testing the door to the rooftop. It opens, and he walks over to the edge of the rails and leans over it, sighing.

“It’s still open…” he says to the warm summer air.

 **_It’s still a bit early,_ **Yaki replies.

Shintaro nods slowly and then goes back to his phone. He stares at the screen for a few moments before steeling himself and typing.

 _Hey Ayano,_ he types. _It’s me, Shintaro. I just wanted to say sorry._

He stares at the message for a moment before pressing ‘send’.

Part of him doesn’t expect a reply, really, but then his phone buzzes less than a minute later.

Ayano: _Ah, Shintaro! So you really did get my number_ _  
_ Ayano: _? Sorry for what, though?_

He blinks at his phone, then types,

Shintaro: _Huh?_  
Shintaro: _You were acting really weird all day today, and then you left class pretty abruptly after saying all those things to me…_ _  
_ Shintaro: _So you were mad at me, right?_

A few seconds after his last message, his phone starts vibrating. He stares at Ayano’s name on the screen.

“Yaki, what the _hell_ is going on…?”

**_Stop asking me to help you with your social situations, I really don’t know…_ **

He apprehensively picks up the call. “Uh, hello…?”

 _“I’m mad at you?”_ Ayano asks.

“Uh…?” Shintaro blinks, not knowing how to respond.

_“Um…… What did I say to you again?”_

_What the hell?_ he thinks again.

 **_Maybe she’s just dumb,_ **Yaki comments.

“... You, uh…” He swallows, then continues, “You said that I’ve been to ‘pushy’ lately and that it’s gross? And that that you need space…”

He looks down past the railing. “I… I guess by texting you I wasn’t really respecting that, but I was worried, sorry,” he says. “I just wanted to make sure…”

 _“Aaah, no!”_ Ayano interjects. _“No! It’s okay! I’m, um, actually happy that you texted me! I just sort of wish that I could have given you my number myself instead of you getting it through Takane…”_

“Ah, sorry,” he says again. “I would’ve asked you before, but you’ve been kind of running… away from me lately?”

 _“Oh….”_ Ayano pauses, then says, _“Yeah. I’m sorry about that.”_

He blinks, then straightens up. Maybe she’ll actually explain—

 _“I’m really sorry about today though!”_ Ayano says. _“I shouldn’t have said those things like that!”_

He’s too bewildered to respond, and she continues, _“I was really tired, y’know? And I said some really rude things to you that I normally wouldn’t, right? Sorry about that! I’ll make sure_ _it doesn’t happen again!”_

She sounds oddly determined, and he blinks, wondering what the hell she’s implying. “Uh, you don’t have to do anything extreme…”

_“Uh, no… Nothing like that? B-But anyway, Shintaro, really, thank you for texting me! It makes me really happy! Is it alright if I save your contact information?”_

“Of.. Of course...”

_“Ehehe, okay…”_

“...” He sighs. “Ayano, I just wanted to let you know, er…I’m here for you.”

_“H-huh?”_

“.. Just…” He forces himself to continue, to stay calm. “Don’t think that you’re alone, okay? I.. I don’t know what you need to hear right now, but if I can help you, I will…”

 _“... Thank you, Shintaro”_ Ayano says quietly. _“That… I’m glad I could hear that from you.”_

He doesn’t respond, and she pauses before gently saying, _“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”_

“... Okay,” he says. “Tomorrow. I’ll see you then.”

He hangs up and stares at his phone, at the text conversation with Ayano. “She sounded pretty normal then…” he comments.

Shintaro sighs. He’s been staring at the ground beyond the railings, he realizes, and he quickly looks up instead. “That was really weird. It was almost like I was talking to two different people today…”

**_Hm…_ **

“Hm?” He tilts his head slightly. “Do you have any idea what’s going on, Yaki?”

 **_Nope,_ ** Yaki responds. **_I don’t know what that girl’s ‘normal’ is, so I have no idea._ **

“But you still have seen her through my eyes, right? So you should have some idea…”

 **_Yeah, but that doesn’t change that I know_ ** **nothing** **_about that girl._ **

Shintaro frowns. “... Yaki, do you have something against Ayano—?”

He hears the door of the rooftop open behind him, and he turns around to see none other than Tateyama Kenjirou walk towards him.

“Oh, Kisaragi?” he says, raising his eyebrows. “Fancy seeing you here… Is that a summer uniform? I didn’t know that you take summer classes.”

“Ah, well…” Shintaro doesn’t recall ever talking to Tateyama one-on-one, and he finds the situation a bit awkward. “Things happened.”

“Heh~ What, are you a delinquent who was forced to take summer classes for bad behavior?” Tateyama asks.

“No, nothing like that…”

“Kuku,” Tateyama gives his odd, low laugh. “You better stay on your best behavior if you’re going to be friends with my daughter. She’s really special to me, you know…?”

Shintaro frowns. Should he tell him?

Meanwhile, Tateyama stands besides Shintaro and leans over the railing, staring at the horizon. “What a pretty sunset...” he comments. “But, rooftop’s closed, Kisaragi. I’m afraid you’re going to have to leave now.”

Shintaro pulls out his phone and looks at the time. “... Okay,” he finally says. “Do you usually lock the roof, sensei?”

“Hm, yeah. It’s my duty,” Tateyama says. He reaches into the pocket of his lab coat and pulls out a small carton. He gives Shintaro a sly grin. “It’s a great place for a smoke, after all.”

“Huh…” Shintaro wrinkles his nose in distaste. “Well, don’t forget to lock it then.”

Tateyama raises an eyebrow at him, a cigarette held between his teeth. “Hm?” He pulls the cigarette away from his mouth. “Who do you take me for, Kisaragi?”

Shintaro shakes his head. “No, I didn’t mean it like that... “ He looks away. “Just…. I’ll be trusting you, okay, sensei?”

Tateyama blinks. “Trusting me for what?”

“... To not smoke too much,” Shintaro replies. “I eat lunch here after all. Bye, sensei.”

“... Don’t talk to a teacher so casually,” Tateyama responds, putting the cigarette back between his lips. He gives Shintaro a smile. “I’ll see you.”

Shintaro waves and leaves the rooftop.

“... Did I just make a mistake?” he asks Yaki as he descends the stairwell.

No response.

“I mean, maybe I should’ve told him what Ayano’s planning to do… He’s her dad, so doesn’t he have the best chance of stopping her…?” He sighs. “But I told Enomoto to get him if anything happens to Haruka, and if it happens while Haruka’s at school on the 15th and he’s not there…”

No response.

Shintaro frowns. “Yaki?”

**_………… Hm? What?_ **

“... Everything alright?” he asks.

 **_..... Yeah, it’s nothing,_ **Yaki says.

“...” Shintaro sighs, loudly. “Wow. Why won’t anyone open to me today?”

 **_People don’t open up easily,_ ** Yaki responds slowly. She sounds distracted. **_You included._ **

“...” He sighs. “Yeah, you’re right. I should change that about myself, huh…?”

 **_… Hm…_ ** Yaki hums thoughtfully. **_If that’s what you plan to do, then I won’t stop you._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow writing this chapter felt so awkward but that was the point so hfhlkdsjfd Kudos to you if you figured out what the hell’s going on w/ Ayano this chapter cause Shintaro sure didn’t 8”D and don’t ask me,,,
> 
> Thank you so much Dani for doing this chapter's illustration for me! Saved me a ton of time and energy hfldkjs. Please check out Dani's art (and Kagepro server!) through the links below:  
> Tumblr: http://daniople.tumblr.com/  
> Twitter: https://twitter.com/daniople  
> Kagepro Discord Server: https://discord.gg/Wu2wrQe (Hot spot for Ayano & Yaki Appreciation)
> 
> Thank youuuu for reading! Kudos & comments are appreciated
> 
> Buckle up, there's only two more days til August 15th!


	10. August 14th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One day left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always for following Route M-X

Shintaro wakes up before his alarm. He stares at the wall adjacent to his bed for a long, silent moment before slowly sitting up.

He sighs heavily. “Morning, Yaki…”

**_Good morning._ **

“... Tomorrow’s the day huh…”

**_Most likely._ **

He blinks at her wording. “... Yaki… Do you really think I can save them? Any of them?”

Yaki doesn’t respond for a moment, apparently mulling over her words, before saying, **_I think if anyone can change what is going to happen, it has to be you._ **

He wonders if that’s supposed to be encouraging, but she sounds certain.

* * *

Class, this time, passes by relatively peacefully. Ayano actually greets him upon entering the classroom, and he returns the gesture with a wave. He also catches her looking at him a few times, so he doesn’t talk to Yaki. When lunch hits, they go to Haruka and Enomoto’s classroom again before going up to the rooftop, and the mood’s definitely lighter this time.

Haruka hesitates to bite into his store-bought bread, and then he looks up at the three of them with a smile. “I was wondering, would you three like to hang out today after school?”

Shintaro’s surprised, to say the least, and he’s pretty sure the other two girls feel the same.

“Haruka…” Enomoto starts hesitantly. “Are you sure about that?”

“Hm?” Haruka blinks innocently. “Um, yes? Is today not a good day?”

“Today’s a good day,” Shintaro interjects quickly. He honestly had planned to ask the other three the same thing anyway.

“... Yeah, it’s fine,” Enomoto says with a nod.

All three turn to look at Ayano, who’s looking back at them uncomfortably. “Um…” she fidgets with her scarf. “I’m not sure…”

“Oh, come on, Ayano!” Enomoto exclaims with a small grin. She slaps Ayano’s back lightly. “The four of us haven’t hung out in for-e-ver! Let’s just do it!”

“It’s been a really long time,” Haruka admits with a smile. “I thought it’d be fun…”

“... It’d be nice,” Shintaro comments.

Ayano looks at the three of them, lastly at Shintaro, and then looks down. “... Okay…” she murmurs, and Shintaro brightens. She looks up and smiles. “Yeah, okay!”

Shintaro silently thanks the other two. Ayano and Enomoto start talking to each other, so he scoots closer to Haruka.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you,” he says quietly. “Your doctor’s appointment on Sunday… How did it go?”

Haruka’s smile falters.

“... Got it,” Shintaro mutters, his heart sinking. Well, it’s not surprising...

Lunchtime ends, and they promise to meet up after school. The rest of class goes by well enough, even though Shintaro’s too swamped by other classmates during study period to talk to Ayano. She just smiles at him with her familiar smile, though, and she approaches him when the bell rings.

“Let’s go meet the others,” she says warmly, and he nods with a small smile.

They meet with Haruka and Enomoto at the gate.

“It was your idea,” Shintaro starts. “Where do you want to go, Haruka?”

Haruka’s eyes twinkle. “The mall!”

Shintaro and Enomoto just raise their eyebrows at him, while Ayano echoes, “The mall?”

Haruka nods. “I want to play in the arcade… I know you two just did that, but...”

“They did?” Ayano asks curiously.

“Ah, yeah, we hung out on Sunday, Enomoto and me,” Shintaro says.

“He wanted to ask you first, Ayano, but then he settled on me,” Enomoto explains hastily with a shrug of her shoulders. Ayano nods but still looks confused.

“It wasn’t a date!” Enomoto says firmly while crossing her arms, and Shintaro nods in agreement while mirroring her pose.

“I never asked if it was…” Ayano says with a light laugh, and the four of them start walking.

At the mall’s arcade, Haruka eagerly leads the other three to the _Pumpkin Shooter_ machines.

“Look, if you play two side-by-side you can sync them and do two team PVP! We can do play again just like that day!” he says enthusiastically, his eyes twinkling. “Doesn’t that seem perfect?”

“Aaah, figures you want to play this again,” Shintaro says with a light smile while Ayano giggles.

“Do we want to do the same teams as last time…?” Enomoto asks, eyeing the machines.

“Ah, well…”

“I mean we can, but we can take turns with different teams, right?” Shintaro suggests. The three look at him. “...? What?” he asks, uncomfortable at the attention.

“Hm… I was thinking what you said doesn’t sound half bad, Kisaragi,” Enomoto answers, while Ayano and Haruka nod.

“Um…. Let’s do ‘black-and-white’ to decide our teams!” Haruka suggests.

Three matches: Shintaro & Ayano vs. Haruka & Enomoto, Shintaro & Haruka vs. Enomoto & Ayano (again), and Shintaro & Enomoto vs. Haruka & Ayano.

Unsurprisingly, and slightly to his disappointment, Shintaro wins all three of his matches. Ayano’s a sharper shooter than he expected, admittedly, and Haruka’s a great partner as usual, so it wasn’t like he completely carried them, at least. However, even he didn’t expect the ‘PERFECT’ that rolled over his and Enomoto’s screen at the end of their match.

“Wow!!!” Haruka and Ayano, despite losing, cheer along with the crowd that had gathered around them.

“Huh. Not bad for you, Enomoto,” Shintaro comments.

“Shut it,” Enomoto says without anger, punching him lightly on the arm. “Don’t underestimate me, moron.”

“Haha, it’s great to see you get along!” Haruka says.

“It is!” Ayano agrees, nodding.

Shintaro and Enomoto snap, “Who the hell’s getting along?”

The four spend quite a few hours playing various games in the arcade. Shintaro’s surprisingly bad at crane games and Haruka’s surprisingly good at them, and he ends up winning four different types of stuffed animals, one for each of them.

“Wah… Thank you!” Ayano exclaims, staring at her penguin as if she’s never seen anything like it.

“Y-Yeah, thanks…” Shintaro says.

Enomoto just looks flustered, holding her cat plushie to her chest, but stays quiet.

After shoving their prizes into their bags, they all grab a meal at the food court before finally leaving the mall.

Shintaro lags slightly as the three start walking ahead of him, and he stares at them chatting among each other among the glow of the slowly setting sun.

 _Ah…._ he think idly. The light blurs the outline of their silhouettes.   _I really can’t live without them, can I? That’s why…_

“Hm?” Haruka looks behind his shoulder and stops, his eyes growing concerned. “Shintaro-kun?”

“Woah, are you crying?” Enomoto asks, creasing her eyebrows. “... Shit…”

“Ah, oh no—tissues, let me get you a tissue…!” Ayano says, digging into her bag.

Shintaro blankly touches his wet cheek and shakes his head, accepting the tissue from Ayano. “Sorry…” He smiles at the other three. “Just got something stuck in my eye.”

The mood’s relatively good, but soon enough Enomoto, with a troubled look on her face, asks Haruka if they can walk alone together… So the two walk off, leaving Shintaro and Ayano alone. _Enomoto is sly…_ he thinks, but he’s also shakes off the thought. _She probably has her own things to talk to him about…_

“Well, let’s go?” Shintaro asks Ayano, who looks apprehensive but nods.

After a silent moment or so, Ayano says, “That… That was really fun, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah…” Shintaro answers, looking ahead. “Yeah it was.”

Silence. The route to their homes passes over that bridge once more, and he notices that Ayano’s steps are slowing. He looks over to her and stops.

“Ayano?”

“... Uh…”

He blinks. She fiddles with her scarf.

Shintaro wonders if she’s finally going to tell him about her plan, to come clean… “... Take your time…”

“.... Um.. Well. The last week has been… I didn’t expect you to show up, Shintaro,” Ayano starts. “I just wanted to ask you, um…”

Ayano looks at him, smiling “Do you like Takane?”

 _… Ha?_ Shintaro just stares blankly at her.

Ayano blinks, then jumps, holding up her palms toward him and waving them. “Wait, wait, wait, no! I didn’t mean it that way! Let me reword that, oh gosh…”

She pulls at her scarf lightly. “I mean, I noticed that you got along with her pretty well today..” She smiles. “I never knew you two were friends. A part of me always worried that I was forcing you to interact with someone you actually didn’t like, so… It was nice to see, actually, you two getting along.”

Shintaro raises his eyebrow at her. “Um, I guess? I don’t know if the feeling’s mutual but… I still consider her a friend.”

“That’s great to hear, really… And, um, Haruka too right? He’s your best friend after all.. You really like him as well, right?”

Shintaro doesn’t know where she’s getting at. “Uh.. Yeah… I really appreciate him...”

Ayano smiles at him. “Right? That… I’m glad you care about them… I do too...”

She nods, looking down. “Mm, yeah… That’s good…”

She seems lost in thought. Shintaro frowns.

“Ayano, _you’re_ my friend too.”

She looks up at him. “Oh... “ Her smile grows. “Thank you. I’m glad to hear that!”

Shintaro frowns “Ayano, are you alright…?”

She keeps smiling, though she tucks her chin into her scarf and looks down… And then she fiddles with her scarf.

“Um, Shintaro, I…” she starts hesitantly.

He waits.

“I was wondering if I should even bother telling you this, but… Um… Well, you’ve been here lately, and well… It’s not like I haven’t liked spending time with you…

“... I….”

Shintaro waits, staring at her intensely. Is this it?

“I…lo……… I love—” She straightens up, then blurts, “I love my friends, y’know?!”

Shintaro blinks, thrown off. “Oh?”

Ayano nods, looking embarrassed. “Y-Yeah! I love my friends, ahaha… That.. That includes you… And Takane and Haruka…!”

Shintaro’s beginning to feel embarrassed himself, but… _Hey, this isn’t a bad thing…_ he thinks. If she has something she loves, then she really has no reason to do it, right…?

“That’s…. Good to hear?” he offers, not really knowing what to say regardless.

Ayano nods more, quickly. “Y-Yeah… And I love my family too… I… I’m really glad to have met you all…!”

She seems to calm down a bit and smiles at him. “So… Thank you for everything, Shintaro!”

Alright, take that back. He did _not_ like what he just heard. Ayano’s smile drops as she stares at him and the look on his face. “Shintaro…?”

“Ayano,” he starts, “your friends and family love _you_ too.”

Ayano’s eyes widen slightly. “Huh…?”

Shintaro purses his lips, words in his heads jumbling. He manages, “We… We’d hate it if anything happened to you… So—!”

“Nothing’s going to happen!” Ayano shouts suddenly.

Shintaro stares at her, eyebrows furrowing. “Really…?”

Ayano eyes widen, and she takes a step away from him, fiddling with her scarf. “N-No, nothing… Nothing’s going to happen, so, why are you saying those things...?!”

Agitation doesn’t describe it. “Ayano, why the hell are you still—?!”

“I’ve got to go—”

“Ayano, no!” Shintaro pleads. “Please, don’t do this again—!”

Ayano shakes her head, not looking at him. “Please, Shintaro, stop making this harder than it already is!”

“Wh-what—” Shintaro inhales sharply. “Of _course_ I am! If I can do anything, then—!”

“You don’t have to do _anything,_ Shintaro! Please!” She looks at anywhere but him, her words rushed and forced, “I-I take back what I said yesterday on the phone, you _have_ been pushy lately! It’s—It’s gross!  I-I already asked you before—Just, leave me _alone_ already!”

Ayano starts walking away—

Shintaro grabs her hand. “No, Ayano! I’m not leaving you!”

She stares at his hand for a moment, eyes moving erratically, then she looks at him with a pained expression and yells, “Man, you’re so _annoying!”_

She rips her hand away from him and sprints away. He’s so stunned at her choice of words that he doesn’t even go after her.

She doesn’t look back.

* * *

_August 15th, 12:00 AM_

Shintaro: _Hey Haruka, are you awake?_  
Haruka: _Ah, yeah._  
Haruka: _I’m about to head to bed though_  
Haruka: _What’s up?_  
Shintaro: _Just…. I just wanted to say_  
Shintaro: _I’m very glad I met you_  
Shintaro: _Thanks for everything, Haruka_  
Haruka: _Ah_  
Haruka: _I’m glad I met you too_  
Haruka: _I’ll see you tomorrow, Shintaro-kun_

Shintaro lies in bed, idly hugging the bunny plush he had received earlier, and stares at the ceiling, tears blurring his vision.

 **_You’ve tried your best so far,_ ** Yaki says. **_Get some rest when you can._ **

“...” He closes his eyes. “Good night, Yaki.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be real, something really bad happened earlier this weekend so my mood's been not very good. Any comments or encouragement would be really, really appreciated.
> 
> Thank you as always for reading!


	11. Route M-???

**_I’m tired_ **

**_I’m so tired_ **

**_I thought I wasn’t able to feel tired anymore_ **

**_But this is truly what is called exhaustion_ **

**_It’s been centuries now_ **

**_It must have been_ **

**_I can’t even tell anymore_ **

**_I’m so tired I’m so tired I’m so tired I’m so tired I’m so tired I’m so tired_ **

**_What did I do this for again?_ **

**_Why did I agree to do this?_ **

**_What, for love?_ **

**_That’s not the boy I fell in love with_ **

**_That’s just a broken shell of him_ **

**_I’m so tired_ **

**_I miss my family_ **

**_I want this to stop_ **

**_I want it to end_ **

**_But I can’t escape_ **

**_This is what I signed up for, after all_ **

**_What am I supposed to do?_ **

**_I can’t even say anything until activation_ **

**_What can possibly be done?_ **

**_I’m so tired_ **

**_Talking to him in his dreams isn’t helping_ **

**_He doesn’t remember me_ **

**_Pretending to be her isn’t helping_ **

**_He just doesn’t remember_ **

**_What is the goddamn point of this power_ **

**_Life is just so fucking predictable for both of us now_ **

**_I’m so fucking tired_ **

**_I want this stupid, second-rate tragedy to end already_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaki's gone feral


	12. August 15th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can the future be changed?

Shintaro pinches the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes and sighing. He’s exhausted, to say the least. Sure, he managed to sleep after several hours of tossing and turning, but the entire gravity of the situation combined with the apparent strain of Yaki’s and his power make him feel stretched thin.

And, of course, it’s August 15th. If he doesn’t do anything like all the times before, all three of his friends are going to disappear from his life.

_I wonder what it is about this day…_

He’s sitting at his desk before class time. He stares at the text conversation on his phone.

Shintaro: _Enomoto, call me if anything happens_  
Shintaro: _Well, after the situation calms down a bit_  
Shintaro: _Focus on getting Tateyama-sensei and the police first_  
Shintaro: _If anything happens_  
Shintaro: _Are you at school yet?_  
Enomoto: _Holy crap_  
Enomoto: _Please stop scaring me like that_  
Enomoto: _And yeah, I’m at class, with Haruka_

She’s currently still typing and has been for a few minutes now. He stares at the screen in apprehension.

Enomoto: _I talked to Haruka. You’re right, his illness has been getting a lot worse. He told me he doesn’t know how much longer he has. That’s a fucking lie, isn’t it? He just had his doctors appointment so he probably knows… Ugh, I don’t want to cry when he’s right next to me. I promise though  I won’t leave his side, even if the worst happens_  
Enomoto: _I 100% promise_

His phone vibrates with each message. Shintaro mulls over her words and how he should respond.

Shintaro: _If you leave too, I won’t forgive you._  
Enomoto: _What is that, a threat? Jeez…_  
Enomoto: _I wouldn’t do something like that..._  
Enomoto: _Just focus on patching things up with Ayano, okay?_  
Enomoto: _Unless you already did?_  
Shintaro: _Ah yeah no that did not happen yesterday_  
Shintaro: _I think she’s even more mad at me_  
Enomoto: _Oof tell me the deets_  
Shintaro: _Class time lol see you at lunch_  
Enomoto: _Kisaragi, you absolute bastard_ _  
_ Enomoto: _GET BACK HERE!!!_

Shintaro looks up at the doorway just as the bell rings, and sure enough Ayano is just stepping in. Her eyes meet with his, briefly, and then she looks away and hurries past his desk without greeting.

“... Hey, Ayano,” he starts.

“... Hi…” she says quietly, not looking at him.

He sighs and props his arm on his desk, leaning his chin on his hand. Well, she’s unsurprisingly upset at him, but this time he genuinely does not see himself at fault… _I shouldn’t get mad at her, though. That won’t help…_

Well, at least in class he can keep his eye on her… _Every other time she fell ‘after class’, but for all I know that could have changed for whatever reason..._

Shintaro groans and idly rubs his throat. _Fuck, though. Being nice to her and all that did nothing to change her mind… Just_ why _is she planning to do it…?_

He’s not good at this, with talking to people who are upset and sad… Or just talking to people in general. _I never even thought about changing that about myself… I really just took those that tolerated me for granted, huh?_

He mulls over these not so great thoughts for the rest of class leading to lunch.

“... Let’s go to the others?” he asks at Ayano, who’s staring sadly at her desk. She looks up at him with a troubled expression.

“R-really?” she asks, frowning. “Even after.. All those things I said?”

Shintaro sighs. “I’m not mad at you, Ayano. If anything I’d really like to talk to you about all this…”

“... Then let’s go meet the others,” Ayano says, standing up and walking past him.

“Still with the cold shoulder…?” he mutters, but he stands up and follows after her.

They meet Haruka and Enomoto at their classroom, though Shintaro blinks at the heavy atmosphere there. Enomoto just looks _sad,_ uncharacteristic as hell for her, but upon seeing him she scowls.

 _“You,”_ she starts while Shintaro grimaces. “Youuu have a lot to talk to me about, Kisaragi!”

“Eh? About what?” Haruka asks.

“Really? About what?” Ayano mirrors.

“Ah, uh,” Enomoto blinks, then waves her hand. “Nothing you two should worry about!”

“Eh…”

“Not interested,” Shintaro snorts, and Enomoto flips him the bird.

They go to the rooftop to eat. Shintaro keeps an eye on Ayano as he deflects Enomoto’s hushed questions. _We really shouldn’t have gone here…_ he thinks, noticing how Ayano’s staring past the railings.

“Kisaragi, stop ignoring me!”

“Shut up,” he whispers. “Why don’t you talk to her yourself and find out?”

Enomoto crosses her arms and huffs. “... Fine,” she says, narrowing her eyes, and then scoots over closer to Ayano. Great, that way she can be distracted… And maybe Enomoto can talk some goddamn sense into her.

_If she opens up…_

Shintaro looks at Haruka, who’s just quietly picking at the bread he bought with his fingertips. _… Has he lost weight…? I didn’t even notice…_ he thinks, staring at Haruka’s fingers. They look unusually thin.

“... Shintaro-kun?”

“Hm?”

“...” Haruka looks up. “... Mm. No, nevermind.” He smiles. “It… probably doesn’t matter anyway.”

“You’re free to be curious,” Shintaro answers quietly.

“... Mm, I can, but…” He sighs. “In the end, it won’t matter.”

Shintaro scowls, upset. “I’m the one who told Enomoto about you. Of course I was.”

Haruka blinks at him. “Oh, yeah, I figured…”

“What, so you’re not mad at me?”

“... No,” Haruka admits, then pauses to take a tiny bite of bread. He chews a couple times before swallowing and then taking a few gulps of water.

“How to put it… I’ve never talked to Takane that much before. Even if it was about… My situation.” He smiles gently. “And well, other things were said. I don’t think I’m regretful we had that conversation, in the end. So thank you, Shintaro-kun.”

Shintaro stares at Haruka for a few moments, then smiles. “Yeah.” He holds out his hand in a fist. “I’ve got you.”

Haruka laughs lightly and returns the fist bump.

The bell to signal the end of lunch, and the four get up and leave the rooftop. Shintaro and Ayano say goodbye to the other two at their classroom.

“See you,” Enomoto says with a wave.

“Yeah, see you soon,” Haruka says with a smile.

Ayano doesn’t say anything, just smiles and waves before walking away. Shintaro glances back at her, and then at the other two.

Shintaro hesitates. He so desperately wants to say _See you soon,_ but…

“... Bye,” he says and leaves.

The rest of class is agonizingly slow, but he’s too anxious to even talk to Yaki, and instead just spends most of the time glancing at Ayano. Ayano just seems lost in thought, not bothering to even take notes as she alternates between staring out the window and at the teacher and pointedly not at Shintaro.

When study period starts, he immediately sighs and goes to Ayano’s desk.

“Ayano?”

She grimaces slightly before looking up at him. “... Yes?”

Shintaro sighs. “Listen… I didn’t mean to make you upset yesterday. I’m sorry for that. I’m… I’m just worried…”

Ayano’s gaze softens slightly, though she then looks down at her desk. “... Thank you… But there’s really nothing to be worried about…”

How easy it could be if he could just believe her. Since when was Ayano such a liar…?

He gets pulled away to tutor another student, though he keeps an eye on Ayano as he looks over his classmate’s papers. About twenty minutes before the end of class, Ayano excuses herself to go to the bathroom.

Alarm courses through him.

“Sensei?” he asks, setting all study material down. “Um, can I got to the restroom?”

“Not until Tateyama comes back,” his teacher answers.

“But—”

“Kisaragi, class rules. Just stay put, she’ll be back soon.”

 _How are you so sure about that?!_ Shintaro thinks. The next few moments are agonizing, but to his utter relief Ayano returns to the classroom and sits back at her desk, still pointedly ignoring him.

Well, he’d prefer that over dead.

Class finally ends with the bell, and Shintaro only pauses to glance at his phone. No new messages or missed calls. He sighs and looks up—only to find Ayano gone.

 _“Fuck,”_ he mutters under his breath, immediately rushing out of the classroom. The halls are filled with students leaving class, but he glimpses red and pushes past them to Ayano.

“Ayano!”

Ayano turns around, staring at Shintaro coldly. “... What?” she asks, her voice low. “What do you want?”

The frustration in her voice doesn’t deter him. “Ayano, can’t we just talk?” he asks. “Like, properly this time. Just… Just hear me out, please.”

Ayano’s eyes narrow. “No,” she says, turning around again. “Leave me alone already.”

“Ayano, I’m _not_ leaving you.”

She sighs heavily. “You…” She turns and glares at him. “You’re _really fucking annoying,_ you know that?”

He flinches at the insult, a repeat of yesterday’s but only harsher. Ayano, meanwhile, puts a hand to her chest and lets out a long exhale.

“I’ve always wanted to say that…” she says quietly, then glares at him again. “But seriously, leave me alone. I’m _not_ in the mood right now.”

Ayano starts walking away, eyes roaming the hallways. She looks distracted.

Shintaro hurriedly walks alongside her. “You’re not in the _mood_ right now?! You seriously think I care about that?!”

“Oh, right,” Ayano mutters. “You don’t _ever_ care about my opinions, right?”

“What…”

Ayano abruptly shoves him, and he reels a few steps back in surprise. “Seriously,” she says. _“Fuck off.”_

She turns the corner, and he follows after her to find her at the stairwell. The hall’s empty besides them. She’s frowning up at the stairs.

Shintaro _panics._

“Ayano—!”

“Oh my _god,_ Shintaro!” Ayano snaps, glaring at him and slapping away his outstretched hand. “What the hell is _wrong_ with you?! Why are you so _obsessed_ with me?!”

“It’s—It’s not like that, Ayano! I’m just really concerned about you!”

“Since _when?!”_ Ayano shouts. “Since when have you given a single fuck about me?!”

“I— that—”

“Admit it, Shintaro. You never, _ever_ cared about _anyone_ but yourself, and _now_ you’re suddenly acting all friendly?! And you think that that’s just _okay?!”_

He’s already heard it, from Enomoto, but hearing it from Ayano herself—Every word feels like a blow.

“Why… Why are you doing this…?” he manages to ask.

Ayano furrows her eyebrows. “What?? _Why?_ Because you—!”

“I’m sorry!” Shintaro shouts. Ayano freezes. “I’m… I’m sorry, alright?! Like seriously, I’m really sorry! You’re right—I’ve never treated you right before, and I was a goddamn _idiot_ who never realized that in time… I never noticed you were in pain, and I kept turning my eyes away…!”

Tears blurs her outline. “I’m so sorry, Ayano. So please… Please, don’t do this…!”

“... What…?” Ayano asks quietly. He blinks, and Ayano’s frowning at him. “What… What are you talking about…?”

Shintaro hastily wipes his eyes, torn between crying and scowling. “What, you’re still denying it?! _Fuck,_ Ayano, I don’t get it! You just aren’t the type of person to—”

_“What are you talking about?”_

Shintaro shouts, “Why are you trying so hard to _kill yourself?!”_

Ayano blinks slowly. “... What?” she says quietly, sounding genuinely confused. “What… Kill myself…? What…? I… She…”

Her eyes widen. “Oh _no.”_

Ayano turns around and, without even so much as glancing at him, dashes up the stairwell.

 _“Oh no,”_ Shintaro echoes, and he sprints after her.

She’s fast, really fast, and though he hears the pounding of footsteps ahead of him he doesn’t see her. He reaches the top, and there’s not Ayano, but a boy he’s never seen before.

“Wh—” He’s out of breath from the run, and he gasps once before managing, “Who—Who are you?!”

“Shut up,” the boy hisses. He’s not looking at Shintaro, and instead opens the rooftop door a crack to peer through it. “I do _not_ have the fucking time for you right now.”

“I don’t either! Just let me through—!”

“Seriously, _shut up!”_ the boy hisses, glaring back him. He looks back through the doorway, peering through it intensely for a few seconds, before suddenly gasping. “No, no, _fuck no—!”_

He slams the door open and dashes past the doorway. Past his running figure, Shintaro sees her:

Ayano, sitting on the railing.

 _“Nee-chan, no!”_ the boy yells, and Shintaro sprints closely behind him.

“Ayano!!!”

“What… Shuuya… Shintaro…” Ayano says, then shouts, “Don’t come any closer!”

They freeze. Shintaro vaguely registers that someone else is on the roof, Tateyama, Ayano’s _father,_ and he doesn’t understand, but—

“Ayano, please!” Shintaro shouts. “Please, don’t do this!”

“You’re not supposed to be here, either of you…”

“Nee-chan…!”

“Ayano, you don’t have to do this!”

“Shintaro… You have to leave,” Ayano says, staring at the ground of the rooftop. “You don’t even know what’s going on—”

Frustration boils over him. “Then _tell me, dammit!_ Tell me what the fuck is happening!” Shintaro shouts. “Why the fuck am I kept out of the loop every single fucking time?!” He claws at his throat, agitated. “Do you _really_ think I’m not involved in this?! Do you really think that I can just let this happen _again?!_

“I… I _can’t,_ I can’t go on without you! Without you or Haruka or Enomoto—I can’t just _lose you all!”_

Ayano stares at him with wide eyes, unmoving. “I-I don’t…” she stammers. “How… How did you find out…?”

_“Please, Ayano—!”_

“I _have_ to do this!” Ayano shouts, tears brimming her eyes. “You… You don’t understand…” She lets out a shaky exhale, then gives him the world’s most unconvincing smile. “They’ll be okay, so, it’s fine without me… Right?”

“No…” Shintaro shakes his head. “No, that’s _so_ wrong, Ayano, please, listen to me—!”

Ayano ignores him. “Don’t worry, Shintaro, Shuuya… Okay? Everything will be alright—”

Shintaro doesn’t wait. He runs towards her—

Ayano’s eyes widen further, then she presses her lips together and leans backwards and starts to fall—

He hears various things. He hears the boy screaming behind him. He hears the wind whistling through his ears. He hears Ayano gasp as he throws himself across the railing and grabs her arm—

And, pulled by the weight of her momentum, falls off the rooftop with her.

“What… _What?!”_ he hears her say as he pulls her closer to him. “No, no, _no!”_

He hears another voice.

**_What are you DOING?! NO!_ **

Their voices blur together—

**_“SHINTARO!”_ **

And everything goes dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So great job to those that figured out that the Ayano in chapter 9 was actually Kano! Fun fact, though: he's actually been in the story a lot longer than that. Can you figure out when else he's in the fic?
> 
> Thanks for reading and I hope you look forward to future chapters :)


	13. " "

_ Echoing footsteps against hard floor and his own gasps make the only sound through the still air of the school _

_ He runs through the hallways, the setting sun casting long pillars of shadows across the seemingly neverending paths ahead of him _

_ The classrooms passed by hold innumerable rows of desks, each holding on them a vase with flowers _

_ Even as he sees no sign of life ahead of him, he can hear the faint footsteps, also running, running away from him _

_ “Ayano!” he calls “Ayano, please—Stop running away from me!” _

_ No answer, just receding footsteps _

_ He turns a corner, then another, then another, months or years passing between each _

_ Occasionally, there’s the flicker of a red scarf _

_ All he really needs to keep going _

_ The infinite hallways finally end with a stairwell _

_ He runs up a flight a stairs, then another, then another _

_ The chase continues endlessly, for an immeasurable amount of time that he can’t comprehend _

_ Sometimes he thinks he can hear whispers, but they’re too quiet to make out _

_ Sometimes he runs past droplets of waters, still falling through the air in slow motion _

_ None of that matters _

_ He runs up the damning stairwell for weeks, months, years, he doesn’t know _

_ He has long forgotten how to breathe _

_ Finally, finally, finally he sees a door above him _

_ He runs to it and opens it—  _

_ The world is black, except for the sky made of classroom desks and the rooftop made of flowers _

_ And Ayano, with the red of her scarf and hair pins and eyes _

_ She stands on the edge, facing him _

_ He reaches out towards her and meets her gaze— _

_ A flurry of emotions that stop him in his tracks _

_ Horror _

_ Grief _

**_Despair_ **

_ “I’m so sorry,” she whispers. Tears run down her face  _

_ “I never, ever meant to bring you here. Please, don’t follow me anymore.” _

_ A voice resounds through his head, undoubtedly hers: _

Goodbye

_ And she falls _

_ He doesn’t hesitate, he runs after her—  _

_ A hand grabs his wrist _

_ He looks back _

_ “... Ayano?” _

_ But as she stares at him with cold eyes, unblinking, he shakes his head _

_ “No… You’re not her... _

_ “Yaki?” _

_ She stares at him _

_ No response _

_ “Why… Why do you look just like—” _

**_Let’s go_ **

_ “What?” _

**_Don’t you get it? It’s useless. She’s determined to stay here._ **

_ “Wh-What do you mean—” _

**_I have been here much longer than the two of you have, which has been long enough._ **

**_I’m done watching this ugly game of one-sided tag…_ **

**_She’s running away from you because she thinks you’re trapped in here too._ **

_ “What…?” _

**_Do you know where we are?_ **

_ “........ No, actually… Where are we?” _

**_We’re in the “Heat Haze Daze”. The Neverending World that swallows up those that die on August 15th._ **

_ “... Huh?” _

**_The rules of the Daze work like this: If two or more people get trapped together on August 15th, as you and her just have, then only one will receive a snake and thus will be able to get out. The other spends the rest in eternity in here._ **

_ “What… A snake? What does that… Wait… August 15th…”  _

_ He stares at her.  _

_ “… You’re telling me you knew this the  _ entire time, _ and you didn’t tell me?!” _

**_What was there to tell you?_ **

**_What, that your friends got swallowed to another dimension? It didn’t even make sense with that girl. If you’re trapped here you don’t leave a body behind._ **

**_I didn’t know how involved this was to this whole situation._ **

_ “Well, I’m here now, aren’t I?! So clearly it was connected!” _

**_Yes… You are… And now you have to get out._ **

_ “But what about Ayano?!” _

**_What about her? She can already get out of here, while it’s still August 15th and our realities are connected._ **

_ “What... What does that mean?” _

**_The Daze already chose her to become the wielder of a new snake. She knows it._ **

**_In her point of view, she’s the only one with a ticket out._ **

_ “What… Then why doesn’t she get out herself?” _

**_… I don’t know._ **

_ “Then how are you so sure—?!” _

**_I know the Daze better than how others feel. She could have let herself out the moment she arrived here. She’s the one who claimed the snake herself._ **

_ “... Wait, what?” _

**_I said, she already claimed the snake herself._ **

**_She willingly took the snake, and now she’s willingly staying here._ **

**_So let’s get out of here._ **

_ “But you just said... That I’m trapped in here...” _

**_I said that you need a snake to get out. You have me. I can get you out of here._ **

_ Her eyes narrow _

**_Just once, though._ **

_ “What—so you’re saying we go and just LEAVE Ayano here?!” _

**_I just said, she doesn’t want to get out! Get that past your THICK FUCKING SKULL!_ **

_ He flinches at the swell in the volume of her voice. She glares at him with unmistakable anger. _

**_Excuse me that the mystery has been solved, that Tateyama Ayano’s death was truly voluntary!_ **

**_So THIS is the cause of the last two years of your life, many times over! How utterly RIDICULOUS!_ **

_ “Y-Yaki..?” _

**_You can chase after her some more, but don’t you understand? You’ll never catch her in here if she’s determined to run away from you._ **

**_You_ ** **need** **_to let go of her._ **

_ “But.. Why is she running away from me..?” _

**_Why are you asking that?_ **

_ She glances away. _

**_She’s been running away from you for the past week. She probably thought that you were catching onto what she was planning to do and avoided you to prevent you from learning more._ **

**_But here you are._ **

**_She can’t bear the thought of seeing you when she thinks it’s her fault you’re here._ **

**_She probably wanted to be brave this entire time, for whatever reason she brought herself here._ **

_ She lets out a humorless laugh. _

**_She probably wanted to be a hero._ **

**_But when it comes to love, she’s not only a fool, but also a coward, you know?_ **

**_I think I know her well enough to say that._ **

_ “.......................................’ _

_ He shakes his head.  _

_ “Can’t I just talk to her…? Can’t we just tell her all this…? I still don’t know why she would want to stay here…” _

**_If you can catch her. This place is far beyond your control._ **

**_For all I know, her presence is already imprinted in the Daze from the many times she has already been here from other timelines. If she really wants to avoid you here, she can, and she will._ **

**_She doesn’t want to see you anymore, and for whatever reason she doesn’t want to leave, either._ **

**_Give her that._ **

_ “...” _

**_Now let’s get out of here._ **

_ “Yaki...” _

_ She hisses, _

**_Listen. You may want to stay here with her for the rest of eternity, but_ ** **I** **_do not. My purpose is to help you remember—but THIS is not supposed to be a part of it._ **

_ “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?! Isn’t—Isn’t this part of that tragedy shit you talked about?!” _

**_No, it’s not. That is far beyond all of this._ **

_ “What..?” _

**_………………………_ **

_ Her expression softens, and she stares at him with a somber expression _

**_Nevermind me._ **

**_Just, please. Let’s get out of here, together, okay?_ **

_ “Yaki…” _

**_Please. I don’t know how much time has passed in the real world. If August 15th passes there, we’re stuck here and not even I know if we can get out after._ **

**_We can’t just let ourselves get trapped in another hopeless cycle._ **

**_I don’t want to be here, where’s there no chance of ending the tragedy. And I can’t get out without you._ **

**_Please, Shintaro._ **

_ That’s not fair _

**_I’m your friend, too, right?_ **

_ This isn’t fair _

**_I need you._ **

_ He stares at her for what seems to be an eternity _

_ Then nods _

_ She’s right _

_ He can’t just keep her trapped in here, too _

_ “Fine.. I’ll go with you…” _

_ Still holding onto his wrist, she starts walking away into the field of flowers, and he follows her _

_ “Just… tell me… Yaki... _

_ “Will I remember all this, when we get back?” _

_ And, like so many times before: _

_ No response. _

* * *

Shintaro wakes up with a gasp.

The night sky expands above him, and it takes him a moment to gain his thoughts, to think past the sound of his own ragged breathing.

He tries to sit up, and he flinches at the pain that courses through his body. His limbs feel like they’re made of lead.

What happened? What’s going on?!

He tries to remember, and he does:

Ayano, on the rooftop, him running after her, and them both going over the railing and—

And—

Nothing.

Shintaro doesn’t remember anything past that.

He’s outside the school building, on the ground below the rooftop, but there’s no one around him. The campus is empty.

“Yaki?!” he nearly shouts, if not for the fact that his throat is hoarse. He almost chokes on his voice. “Yaki—What just happened?!”

**_You went after her._ **

Yaki’s voice is as calm and pleasant as ever.

“And after that?!”

A long silence, so long that he thinks that he’s going to get no response, but then she says,  **_I’m not sure. If you can’t remember, then neither can I._ **

**_But,_ ** she comments,  **_It seems that you survived._ **

“I… I’m not even injured, I think… How is that possible…?” he mutters, then shakes his head. “Now’s not the time—What time is it anyway?!”

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and is surprised to see that its screen is not shattered. The current time reflects back at him: 9:00 PM. Well past evening.

A single notification shows below the time: one missed call, from Enomoto Takane, from around 4 PM.

Dread spreads across his chest.

“No…  _ No…” _

He desperately calls her back, but the line rings immeasurably before ending the call. He calls Haruka next, then Ayano—nothing. 

No one picks up.

“They… They’re all already gone, aren’t they…?” He claws at his throat. “I.. I failed.”

**_If it helps,_ ** Yaki says,  **_maybe there’s next time._ **

“... Yeah,” he answers numbly. “That doesn’t help at all.”

He doesn’t know how long he just sits there outside the school building, pathetically crying with grief and at his own helplessness. Yaki offers no more condolences, and he’s not even sure if he wants to hear it.

Eventually, though, he stops and drags himself to his feet. He doesn’t know what else to do, so he slowly makes his way home.

It’s at an empty street where he sees her.

“... What?” His eyes widen, and he hurries towards her. “Ayano?! Y-You’re okay—?!”

The hope rushing through his chest abruptly gets taken over by a familiar, dreadful feeling:  _ Deja vu. _ That along with the look on Ayano’s face stops him in his tracks.

“What…” She stares at him, eyes wide. “You… You actually got out… She… And she…”

Ayano rushes to him, and a fist meets squarely with his stomach, hard. He chokes and takes a step back, clutching at his abdomen as pain courses through him.

“You…” Ayano’s eyes are brimming with tears. “You  _ bastard!!!  _ Why couldn’t you—Why couldn’t you just keep your goddamn nose out of other people’s business?!”

She looks ready to hit him again. “Thank to  _ you,  _ she died for nothing?! You got out of there, and now  _ she’s  _ stuck in there, and—And—!”

She sobs and takes a few steps away from him.

“You…” Shintaro manages weakly, “You’re not Ayano…”

_ “Who fucking cares?!” _

He doesn’t understand…

“‘I’ll  _ never  _ forgive you... This is all your fault… This is ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT!”

The girl glares at him. “I don’t want to see your face EVER again—Go die, for all I care! Go die and  _ go to hell!” _

And she runs away.

Shintaro stares after her for a while, still clutching his stomach. The pain from the blow is nothing compared to everything else.

“... I…” He looks at the ground. “I don’t understand what’s going on at all anymore…”

He takes a step forward, and his legs give out underneath him. He collapses to the ground, and, not seeing any reason to resist, closes his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummm so I condensed two chapters into one for this one, so the chapter count got reduced to 18. Seems a lot more fitting right?
> 
> No chapter title is on purpose. After writing this I was like, "Wow I'm really hurting Shintaro a lot holy crap" but... Well, this fic isn't over hahaha 
> 
> Oh right--the "Shintaro can get out of the Daze with Yaki" theory is from the anime, since he manages to leave the Daze in the last episode. That brings into question why he doesn't do that in the novels, but that might be because he never actually activated Retaining Eyes there. Who knows!! Canon liberties ajklfds
> 
> Thank you for still reading! Comments & kudos are appreciated!


	14. Route M-X: START

_ She’s seen his life from start to finish many times now _

_ And of course, each one went the same _

_ Nothing changed _

_ She realizes… No, she decides: _

**_Nothing will change unless I do something_ **

_ Nothing may have changed with him, but something has been changing with her _

_ Of course it has _

_ With each loop, the strength of her own power grew _

_ She learned more and more about his life and began to communicate with him _

_ True, no results _

_ But maybe _

_ Just maybe _

_ She can prevent him from becoming that rotten boy that leads to his downfall _

_ He begins rotting on August 15th of his 16th year _

_ What if he remembers before then? _

_ She doesn’t know what initiates her activation, just that it is outside of her control _

_ Until now _

_ She’s tired of waiting _

_ It took longer than expected, but one route, a week before August 15th of his 16th year _

_ With energy accumulated over decades _

_ She finally did it _

**_Activation Start_ **

_ Let this route be different _

_ Let this change the outcome _

_ Let us end this terrible cycle _

**_Whatever it takes_ **


	15. Change

Shintaro wakes up to a white ceiling and the electronic rhythm of his own heartbeat.

He shifts slightly and feels a slight twinge in his arm, and he looks to see two IV tubes stretching away from it, a gauze covering their connection to him.

“Oh… Shintaro, are you awake?”

He looks over at the source of the voice. “Mom…”

“Oh, thank goodness…” He’s too exhausted to really comprehend anything, but something in his chest twinges when she begins sobbing. “I was so worried… I’m so glad you’re okay…”

He blinks. Everything’s so fuzzy. “How…” His voice is hoarse, and he swallows. “How long have I been out…?”

“Huh…?” His mother sniffles and wipes at her eyes. “Oh… You’ve been asleep for two days now…”

Two days? The thought’s surreal, and he suddenly feels like he wouldn’t mind closing his eyes and going back to sleep for another week or fifty. He’s still exhausted.

“Shintaro…” He didn’t notice he actually closed his eyes, and he opens them when a cool hand brushes his hair away from his forehead. “Can you tell me what happened…?”

Shintaro blinks and looks at the ceiling. “... I don’t remember,” he lies. “Can  _ you _ tell me what happened, Mom…?”

His mother sighs. “You were found unconscious on the street… The doctors deemed the cause as stress and fatigue, but you wouldn’t wake up right away... “ She frowns worriedly. “Shintaro, was it because—?”

“My friends are gone, Mom.”

He says it with certainty, though his voice is dull. He doesn’t look at her.

“... Momo told me those kids were your friends, but…” She shakes her head and sighs. “I’m… I’m so sorry, Shintaro…”

He doesn’t have the energy to cry, but he doesn’t have enough to even come up with a good response. “... Nothing for you to apologize over…”

_ The only one responsible is me. _

The rest of the day is slow and methodical. As much as he rather wouldn’t, he gets up on his feet soon enough and, after a series of questions, is discharged from the hospital by evening.  He walks ahead of his mom, past a worried-looking Momo in the kitchen and straight to his room. He closes the door behind him.

He doesn’t say anything as he changes out of the clothes his mom brought to the hospital and into some sleepwear. He heads straight to bed.

No one tries to bother him and say anything. Thankfully, not even Yaki.

* * *

When he wakes up, he only makes a cursory check to confirm that the house is, in fact, empty. There’s a note from his mother on the kitchen table with some wrapped homemade food:

_ Shintaro, I’ve called your school and let them know that you will be taking an indefinite break. Please take this time to rest, and do not hesitate to call me if you need anything. I’m sorry that I had to go to work, but please know that your sister and I love you. -  _ __ Mom _ _

 

He leaves the food untouched and goes back to his room immediately.

“... Yaki,” he says as he enters.

**_Yes?_ **

Shintaro exhales slowly, trying to stop the tide of emotions rushing up his chest, but his efforts fail miserably. “Yaki, what the  _ fuck.” _

**_… Care to elaborate?_ **

Her voice. Her voice is awful, it’s awful in his head, and for a second the urge to scream at her to shut up fills him, but he quashes it. “Nothing…  _ Nothing changed,  _ Yaki…”

**_Would you really say that?_ **

_ “Would you say that it didn’t?!”  _ he yells. “You told me yourself that I could’ve changed the future, but I  _ didn’t, I couldn’t!  _ She—She fucking jumped in front of my eyes, and while I was unconscious Haruka and Enomoto, they—!”

He chokes, grasping his hair. “Nothing changed, Yaki! Nothing fucking changed at all!”

**_That’s not your fault._ **

“Would you really say that?!” he yells. “Of  _ course  _ it was my fault—!”

**_She wasn’t cooperative._ **

_ “Why are you blaming Ayano?!” _

**_I’m not, I’m just telling you what I saw._ **

“And what was that? What the fuck did you see?!”

**_I see that you put too many expectations on yourself despite the circumstances._ **

He pauses at that. “... What do you mean by that?”

**_Did you_ ** **really** **_think that you could save any of them?_ **

“That…” He exhales loudly. “I… I  _ hoped  _ I could have… But look at where that got me. That did  _ nothing.” _

**_Would you really say that?_ **

“What the fuck do you mean by that?! They’re dead—They’re gone,  _ again, _ Yaki!”

**_So they are,_ ** Yaki says matter-of-factly.  **_I know that this is ahead of schedule, but I suppose now is an appropriate time to ask…_ **

**_Now that you have remembered, and now the outcome has been the same… What will you do?_ **

Basically the same question she has asked him so many times before… And he remembers his answer, each time. He glances at the pair of scissors on his desk… Then looks away.

“I…” he starts, then sighs. “I’m dropping out of school.”

The next week is slow. He looks up articles about his friends. There’s many about Ayano, some about Haruka, and only one about Enomoto. They hardly provide him more information than he already knew. He wonders if this was the case every other time. He wonders if he’ll remember this later.

The nightmares begin. They are hard to remember, but every morning he would sit up gasping and sweating, voices whispering in his ears. Not just Ayano’s, but also Enomoto and Haruka’s, asking him why he didn’t save them.

“Yaki, are you doing this...?”

**_No, that’s not me._ **

“But it was you every other time, wasn’t it?” he growls. “ _ You  _ were the one who kept appearing in my dreams every other timeline. It was you, wasn’t it?!”

**_I’m surprised you remember._ **

“Call it  _ deja vu.” _

He stopped talking to Yaki after that, and she stopped initiating conversations with him. The isolation that followed was awfully familiar, but ugly stubbornness and an overwhelming desire to  _ not  _ hear her voice again keep him from trying to talk to her again.

Another few days pass, and then there’s a knock on his door. He blink as, against his will, that awful power of his tells him who’s behind the door.

“... Momo,” he says, then hesitates. Every time before, he told her to go away. “... Come in.”

The door opens slowly, and Momo peeks in. “Onii-chan…”

“... What do you want, Momo?”

“Just… You haven’t left the house ever since you came back from the hospital, right..? And mom’s been bringing all your meals here, but you’re hardly even eating…”

He sighs then shakes his head. “I don’t really want to leave my room, sorry…”

“... That’s alright…” She walks over and, with a bit of hesitation, sits down on the edge of his bed next to him. She looks at her knees. “Just… Are you alright, Onii-chan…?”

She grimaces lightly, as if she knows just what a useless question that is. He looks away from her.

“... No,” he admits. “I’m not okay. At all.”

“... Onii-chan, do you think it was your fault?”

He closes his eyes, then nods.

“... It’s not, though…!” Fingers grasp at the sleeve of his hoodie, hesitatingly. “You… You don’t need to feel responsible…”

He exhales, then laughs bitterly. “Why is everyone saying that…?” he asks numbly, opening his eyes. “It… This time it really was… I could’ve done so much more…”

“... ‘This time’...?”

“Momo… I messed up,” he says, touching his throat lightly. “First I never noticed, and then when I did it was… Already too late, I think. And that doesn’t excuse anything, I still could’ve done so much more…”

“Onii-chan, that’s not… That’s not true…”

“What do you know?” he snaps, then pauses. “... No, I shouldn’t…” He shakes his head. “Sorry, no, I really shouldn’t get mad at you…” His fists clench. “I’m… I’m just mad at  _ myself…” _

Momo doesn’t answer, just looks at him sadly.

“I… I feel so powerless, Momo… I… I really felt like I could’ve prevented it, but I couldn’t and now I don’t even know what I’m so upset about… It’s like I’m not even sad that they’re gone, I’m just focusing on myself and being a selfish asshole as usual and I—!” He covers his eyes with his hands. “If I just never got involved with any of them to begin with, then they would’ve—!”

Arms wrap around him. Momo buries her face into his shoulder, and he vaguely senses moisture. Why is she crying? Why would she be crying?

“Onii-chan, that’s not true…! I… I barely knew them, but I’m sure that they all really liked being your friend… You’re not a bad person…! It’s not your fault!”

“.... Why are you crying, too, Momo…?”

“Huh?” She pulls back from him and wipes her eyes. “Why…? Just… Seeing you sad like this makes me sad… And hearing you say those things about yourself makes me sad…”

She sits back, sighing shakily. “... The curry you made last week was really good, Onii-chan…” She sniffs. “I… I know you’re a good person, so please, don’t say those things…”

“Momo…”

He blinks, then sighs, looking ahead. “... I’ve done an awful thing to you and Mom so many times before, haven’t I…?”

“... What? What do you mean by that…?”

“... Nothing,” he says, shaking his head. “... Just, I’m sorry…”

“What… There’s nothing you need to apologize for…”

“Just… Then let me say that more for myself,” he says. He looks at her, giving her a weak smile. “... I’ll be okay. Thank you, Momo…. And can I ask you a favor?”

“Huh? Of course, Onii-chan… What is it?”

“There’s a pair of scissors on my desk… Can you please throw it away for me?”

Things changed after that, in a way. He still spent most of his time holed up in his room, but Momo visited him more often and dragged him outside at times, even it was only to get some fresh air. Her strange ability to draw others’ attention prevented them from going out further, but that suited them better.

“Shintaro, I got a gift for you,” his mom said one day, coming into his room. He and Momo look up from the Let’s Play they’re watching.

“Ooh, a bunny…!” she comments.

Oh, right…

He walks over to the rabbit in its cage, staring at her beady eyes. “....”  _ Welcome back,  _ he thinks as he opens the cage door, allowing her to hop out and sniff his finger.

“Ooh, I think she likes you…” his mother comments, then laughs sheepishly. “I know sudden pets aren’t recommended for anyone, but I was wondering if you could take care of her… It’d give you something to do…”

“... Yeah, I can do that,” Shintaro answers.

“Do you have a name in mind?” Momo asks, taking the bunny and holding her up. “‘Cause if not I got one! You can call her—”

“Tono, right?”

Momo blinks and looks at him. “H-How’d you know I’d suggest that?”

Shintaro shrugs with a slight smile. “Call it… A good guess.”

He’d go out only to buy groceries and food for Tono, which is a lot more than he did before. It’s not a bad way to occupy his time, he supposes, and he spends a lot of time just lying in bed with the bunny on top of his chest.

_ Before at this time, I would… _

It’s thoughts like these that would get him out of bed, refill Tono’s food and go down to the kitchen to eat dinner with his mom and Momo. Of course it isn’t easy, straying from path he had set for himself countless times before, to not be consumed by the guilt he feels every waking minute over his friends’ deaths that he now feels directly responsible for… But he slowly, painfully, he manages to keep breathing and walk past the confinements of his room.

And like that, a year passed by.

* * *

August 15th, 2013

Shintaro checks his emails impatiently. Momo and his mom aren’t home—that little sister of his got summer classes  _ again,  _ of course, making him realize that he should’ve tutored her when he had the chance. Still, though, it’s better for him to be alone at this moment…

Soon enough, the mail from the unknown sender arrives, and he clicks it and sits back, waiting.

“.... Hello,  _ Goshujin,”  _ the girl on his screen says. “My name is Ene, I hope we get along—!”

“What is your connection to Enomoto Takane?”

Ene blinks. “... Eh??? Who, what?  _ What  _ are you talking about, Goshujin!” She laughs, waving a long sleeve around. “I don’t know who this ‘Enomoto Takane’ is…!”

“Don’t play dumb…” He glares at her. “You look like her, and you’re even calling me that dumb title she said she’d call me because of some stupid bet… Why should I believe you?”

“Like I said… I don’t know who you’re talking about…!”

“If you’re not related to Enomoto, then  _ who  _ are you?”

“What sort of question is that…?” Ene asks nervously, shuffling around on his screen. “I-I’m Ene? Just your average cyber girl—”

“There’s nothing like that!” Shintaro shouts, exasperated. He’s been on edge for weeks, from both the upcoming date and knowledge of her coming appearance. “What do you know about me?! Why do you keep showing up to me again and  _ again?!” _

Ene shrinks on his screen, looking confused and alarmed, a familiar expression, and sudden fear rushes over him—

“Get out,” he mutters, then shouts, “Get out! Get out of my computer and get away from me!”

“Wh-What… No, I…”

“Get out, or else  _ I’ll kill you.  _ Just, go away and don’t come back!”

And she’s gone. He stares at his empty screen, breathing harshly.

**_… Was that really the best thing to do?_ **

A voice he hasn’t heard in almost a year. He scowls.

“It’s better than actually letting her stay and killing her, isn’t it?” he mutters.

**_So you think you’re going to kill her?_ **

“I don’t know what I’ll do, fuck…”

**_So you don’t know what you plan to do now?_ **

“No, I don’t,” he snaps. “I just know I don’t want to kill her again… I don’t know what I was thinking each time I did it, but I know now it’s better that she’s gone.”

**_Do you expect a future?_ **

The question throws him off.

“Why the hell do you care…?”

**_What sort of question is that…?_ ** Yaki asks, sounding annoyed.  **_Your future is my future, of course I’d care—_ **

“Yaki, just  _ who  _ the fuck are you?”

No response, of course. He continues, “Each and  _ every  _ goddamn time, you would appear when it’s too late and your voice, your  _ goddamn voice  _ would torment me… Is that on purpose?! Do you sound like  _ her  _ just to get under my skin?”

No response.

“And why the fuck were you chosen to stay with me this whole time?! Why were you ‘tasked’ to be with me to begin with—You’re your own person, aren’t you?! Why the fuck would you spend this fucking hopeless ‘Neverending Tragedy’ with me?! When I’m clearly incompetent?! When I can’t do  _ shit?!” _

**_Calm down._ **

“Or what?!”

Yaki’s hisses,  **_Do you want to end things early this time?_ **

And the memories come flashing in front of his eyes.  _ The broken computer screen, the pair of scissors, blood— _

“Yaki, stop—”

**_Are you going to do this_ ** **again?**

_ Ene’s staring up at his hands in fear, a broken computer screen, scissors, blood— _

“Stop it!”

**_If you are, then don’t waste my time._ **

_ Scissors, blood, scissors, blood, scissors, blood, blood,  _ **_blood—_ **

_ “STOP IT!!!” _

The memories stop. He stares at his unbroken computer screen, clutching his throat.

“That… You already  _ knew  _ I got rid of the scissors, and you...” He glares at his desk.  _ “Fuck you.” _

**_If you don’t want to die now, then you won’t die,_ ** she says coldly.  **_I’ll ask you one more time: What do you plan to do?_ **

“Not talk to you, that’s for sure,” he spits.

**_… Figure it out yourself, then._ **

At the end of the day, to his dismay, Ene comes back. 

“Wow, wow, wow!” she exclaims on his phone screen. “How  _ dare  _ you threaten to kill me, the great cybergirl Ene! I’ll let you know, Goshujin, I don’t die so easily!”

“Oh my god, I told you to get out.”

“Nope! Not leaving! And nothing you do can stop that!”

“I told you I’d kill you.”

“Yeah, and I’ll just come back ten times stronger! I’m not that easy to kill, y’know! I can bypass all antivirus programs!”

“What, so you admit you’re a virus?”

“Nope!! I’m just a super pretty cybergirl!”

“There’s nothing like that.”

“I’m right in front of you, aren’t I?! Rude, rude, rude!”

Ene’s annoying, really annoying—any attempts to non-lethally get rid of her, even past the methods he tried before, are met with jeering and then revenge, usually by rearranging his entire computer system. Thank god he deleted anything she could use as blackmail ahead of time…

Yaki stops talking to him after that day. Ene talks to him every day instead, and soon enough she meets Momo.

He’d be more sullen, really, but Ene’s oddly a lot more hyper this timeline, and he finds himself swept away by her nonsense and eccentric attitude.

And like that, another year passes by.

On the next August 14th, Ene somehow causes him to spectacularly spill soda all over his keyboard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for keeping up with Route M-X ~!
> 
> Shintaro’s not a strong person, and the thing that hurts him the most is losing those close to him. It causes him to push away others in Route XX’s, but we know that he can still value the relationships that he has left, even if at times he’s too blinded by grief to notice them. Still, though, I couldn’t see him being strong enough to seek out the truth of the Haze on his own during the two years (aka look for Kenjirou & Kano), especially with Yaki no longer guiding him. So, NEET life it is.
> 
> Also, if you can’t tell, Yaki got REALLY hurt by the things he said to her… Those two are a mess sighs
> 
> I know I say this every time, but comments and kudos are super appreciated. I’m at the final stretch with this fic, but hearing that others like it really keeps me motivated \o/
> 
> This fic should be finished in the next week. Thank you again!


	16. Route M-X: END

The Snake of Retaining Eyes contemplates her situation.

There were several reasons she decided to stop talking to him. First, habit; she had already spent plenty of time just sitting back and watching what happens, even if it was the same film hundreds of times over. It’s easy to just do it again.

Second, she didn’t expect that talking to him actually drained his energy. But it did. The darkness that accompanied him after he had fallen unconscious on the street was only two days, but it felt like an anxiety-filled lifetime for her. She didn’t know if he’d awaken again, and if he didn’t, it was her fault.

And lastly… He told her he didn’t want to speak to her again.

She could respect that.

So she once more went back to waiting, and she contemplates.

A part of her supposes she should feel triumphant, when he got rid of that pair of scissors. When he refused to kill that girl in blue. When he began opening up to the people left in his life in a way he had never before.

So many times she had observed him take his life with his pair of scissors, so many times that she had stop counting long ago… In her time with him, it’s the first time he didn’t.

Of course, it hadn’t always been that way for him.

He may not remember, but she does.

How many times now has his life been wracked with guilt that he didn’t deserve to feel? How many times has he been grieved by how _predictable_ the world had become to him?

Perhaps she had stopped counting so that she purposefully wouldn’t know the answer.

What was she planning to be, when she decided to become a medusa’s power and a part of a boy she barely even knew centuries ago?

Did she want to become a hero?

* * *

August 15th, 2014

Kisaragi Shintaro, 18-year-old NEET, is dying on the ground with three bullets lodged into his stomach.

He tries to breathe, but blood bubbles up his esophagus and down his trachea, and he coughs wetly, red spraying the ground by him. He clears his throat.

“Y-Yaki…” Talking takes effort, and he shudders, but he continues, “Yaki, please, talk to me…”

**_Long time no see._ **

That voice, _her voice…_ He blinks blearily past the pain. “Hey…”

**_You shouldn’t waste your last breaths on me._ **

“I… I want to talk to you,” he says past the screaming. Past the crying. Past the occasional sound of bullets and the sound of maniacal laughter. “Yaki… This… _This_ is the Tragedy, isn’t it…?”

No response.

He somehow gives a hollow laugh. Each word takes an infinite amount of effort. “For once… I couldn’t predict something… And to think it was _this…”_

He coughs again. Mary screams. A loud thump, probably someone else falling to the ground. “Yaki, you… You _knew—”_

A bout of coughing, but he ignores the blood the splatters from his mouth and continues, “You—You made me think that the ‘Tragedy’ was what happened to Ayano and the others, but… It was _this_ all along, wasn’t it..?!”

No response.

“Why… Why didn’t you warn me, Yaki? Like before? Why… Just why would you—”

Yaki hisses,

**_So that you would remember._ **

Shintaro doesn’t respond for a moment. Mary cries. What was once Konoha laughs. Someone chokes.

“Explain.”

**_… When you made your promise with the Queen, to ‘never forget’, you received me as your power too late. By then, the Tragedy had already passed, and the realities had already merged._ **

**_You couldn’t remember because I wasn’t with you, and I can’t just show you my own memories… Not anymore._ **

**_This was something I always suspected, but when you told me this loop that you truly do not remember the Tragedy... I decided._ **

**_You needed to experience the Tragedy yourself to remember. You already have, multiple times, but you couldn’t remember. So, it just had to be done again._ **

**_It could’ve been done before. It could have already happened. But it has not once, not since I was given to you, because you kept_ ** **fucking** **_killing yourself before you could even meet the others._ **

**_You_ ** **need** **_to remember. The Tragedy can’t be stopped until you do. And that was my purpose. That was why I was made._ **

**_It was never my goal to save your high school friends._ **

**_My purpose was to let you never forget._ **

**_But you never remembered to begin with. And with that, my goal changed… My purpose is now to_ ** **make** **_you remember._ **

**_Now you finally didn’t use that pair of scissors to end your own life, you have finally seen the Tragedy with your own eyes…. If you couldn’t remember it from before, then you have to remember it now and in the future._ **

**_I will make sure you do not forget again._ **

“.... So… You really just let this happen on _purpose,_ huh…”

No response.

Shintaro laughs hollowly. He had just gotten over the despair of losing the three closest people in his life. He was given hope of maybe seeing them again. He met new friends along the way, only to see them all ripped away from him again. Hell, they’re still dying _now._

He hears Mary scream Kano’s name, and another body drops to the floor. Kano, who he had realized yesterday was the one who he had met on the night of the 15th, that time and many times over. Kano, Ayano’s brother, who hated his guts. Whom Shintaro still had to reconcile with and never will…

Shintaro grips Momo’s wrist in one hand. Her skin’s cold.

“Snake of Retaining Eyes... _Go to hell.”_

His last words were spoken with the most venom she has ever heard from him.

**_I’m already there._ **

And as she watches his vision blur with tears and listens to his breaths get shallower and shallower, she contemplates once more.

What had she planned to be?

A hero?

If she had a body, if she were a girl who had not lost her parents to a Neverending World, who had not lost the trust of her siblings and lived alone in isolation until one day, she met a boy who told her that he wanted to help her despite that both of their sisters were already dead, who somehow gave her hope even as the number of corpses grew and grew, gave her the idea that maybe _she_ can help _him_ instead—

If she had not been a girl who had foolishly fallen in love and put so much responsibility on that boy so many times over that it had broken him, repeatedly—

She would have laughed.

But she is that girl.

And she’s no hero.

No, she’s a curse.

His eyes finally close.

And once more, everything comes to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might be the end of the Route by it's not the end of the fic! I decided to end this fic all in one go, so hit that 'Next Chapter' button!!! \o/


	17. Mekakucity Actors

_ It’s been many times since he cursed her and died in that laboratory. _

_ Time kept repeating _

_ She went back to tradition, and allowed him to awaken their power himself, as like before _

_ Time kept repeating _

_ True, she could have stepped in _

_ True, she could have initiated activation again _

_ But when it comes to love _

_ Not only is she a fool _

_ But she’s also a coward _

_ Time kept repeating _

_ Without her interference, though _

_ Things started to changed _

_ Some new loops appeared _

_ More loops when he would meet his new friends _

_ Those times, he would die before activating her _

_ Time kept repeating _

_ There were a few fair shares of familiar routes too _

_ She didn’t bother counting how many times he regressed _

_ How many more times he ended up killing that girl in his computer _

_ And then he’d remember, but he’d still kill himself after _

_ Despite knowing how many times he had already done it before _

_ What a coward _

_ But could she really be angry with him, with the disgust in his voice when he remembered her? _

_ When he remembered what she had done? _

_ Time kept repeating _

_ And then, finally _

_ After a countless number of timelines _

_ Time stopped repeating _

_... _

_ She watches how he activates their power by seeing that girl in a picture frame. _

_ How cliche _

_ But she doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t tell him a thing. He finally doesn’t need her guidance to remember. _

_ She just shows him the memories that he calls forward, the proof and knowledge built over the many timelines _

_ She stays silent as he puts the pieces of the puzzle together himself _

_ He doesn’t talk to her _

_ She doesn’t talk to him _

_ They just walk into the Daze to pull that girl out of there _

_ And she watches as those two walk in the laboratory like the heroes they were always meant to be _

_ She watches from the sidelines of the Neverending World as Clearing Eyes finally meets his end _

_ And in that moment, she supposes, she should be happy _

_ This was what she was meant to do this whole time _

_ It has taken millennia, all through her eyes _

_ And finally, she has reached her goal _

_ Her struggles are over _

_ She should be happy _

_ She doesn’t feel anything _

_ As she stares at his friends, half of them once her family, and that girl through his eyes on the rooftop, summer’s sun gently washing over them _

_ She doesn’t think of anything _

_ Not the past, nor the future _

_ They’re safe _

_ She should be relieved _

_ She should be happy _

_ After all _

_ It’s over _

_ It’s all over _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, my biggest beef with my own fic is that everything gets solved in one chapter. But Route M-X is a fanfic and was always meant to be a Bad End that would start the path to the Good End, and it was always meant to be imagined as a route that “could have happened” in canon.
> 
> There’s a Kagerou Project theory I support that Shintaro eventually reaches ‘Red Jersey’ status in various timelines (like the novel route and the first manga route) because memories of his friends from past timelines affected him after his high school friends’ deaths and prevent him from going into another Route XX. The anime, however, shows us clearly that at least one Route XX Shintaro still remembers the “Tragedy”, and when he does he immediately takes his own life. Really, that Shintaro is such a coward, don’t you think?


	18. Summertime Record

Shintaro rests against the railing of the rooftop of the school and enjoys the last of the dying summer breeze. August is ending, and September brings back classes—only applicable to Momo, Hibiya, and Hiyori, of course, but still. It’s the end of a season.

He reflects how this is it. This is the first timeline. The first timeline where they all survived, all eleven of them. And this should be the last timeline, too.

He’s glad that the others can’t remember the many times they met their dooms. They’re all terrible memories, and he’s amazed at just _how_ much he remembers. He can probably lie down and, for the rest of his life, just go through the endless timelines and watch them all

So many timelines, so many loops that he remembers since birth. All to lead up to this moment.

“...” The warm air against his skin feels nice. He breathes in, eyes closed, before opening them and calling out into the sky, “Hey, Yaki?”

No response.

“... I know you’re there”

No response

Shintaro sighs in nostalgic exasperation. “I’m using you right now! To remember a past timeline! You can’t say you’re not here when I can still use your power.”

No response.

“Yaki, I want to talk to you…” He looks past the horizon. “Please?”

**_It’s been a while. So, do you remember me this time?_ **

Shintaro blinks at her voice, then smiles wryly. “.. Do you really have to start our first conversation like that _again?”_

**_So you remember that this is our first time talking now?_ **

“Yeah, I remember. Of course I remember,” he answers. “I was so caught up in the moment that I didn’t even talk to you since I remembered everything, this loop. My bad.”

**_So you really did forget me._ **

He pauses. “... Are you pouting?”

No response.

He chuckles.

“... We haven’t talked like this in a long time, haven’t we?”

No response.

“... Yeah, not since that timeline…”

No response. He sighs. “.. Yaki, if it’s okay… I’ve been thinking, and I’d like to talk about the past.”

**_I am your power. You don’t need my permission._ **

He scowls. “Stop acting like the submissive type, it’s really not like you…. But okay… You know, about our power?”

He doesn’t expect an answer, so he continues, “We already know that you can’t feel any of my emotions or hear any of my thoughts while you’re recording. The thing is, though, is that when you replay those memories back to me… Sometimes, _I_ can tell. It’s usually fuzzy, though, and I can only remember the general feeling of them...

“I think it depends on how strongly I felt during those times. Some memories’ emotions are stronger than others… So, I lied to you.

“When I told you that I never remembered what I was thinking or feeling whenever I killed Ene, I was lying. I had some idea. I thought… She was really annoying. I thought of her as a pest. When I recall the moment I actually killed her her, though… I didn’t feel anything at all, like how you feel nothing when you’re squishing a bug.”

He sighs. “It wasn’t until after doing it when I’d realize what I had done… And then you’d talk to me for the first time.”

**_I recall._ **

“Yeah… You were probably really sick of me doing the same thing over and over, despite remembering, huh?” He sighs again. “I’m sorry for that. My mind was so muddied those days, it’s really hard to tell what I was thinking at the very end….

“But I knew that I felt no hope. I had killed the only person who had attempted to be my friend in two years. Your voice didn’t change any of that.”

No response.

“And besides those timelines….” He closes his eyes. “I remember pretty clearly how I felt when _that_ timeline ended. The timeline when you and I first really got to know each other. When my plan failed, and when I first experienced the Tragedy firsthand.”

Silence.

“I… Forget about being unable to save the other three that time. I lashed out at you even though I was actually angry at myself, and I realized that. I didn’t actually resent you then. But later... In that moment, when I was dying and we had our last conversation... I _hated_ you, Yaki.”

No response. He just keeps talking.

“I.. I was _so_ mad at you. I... Momo was killed right in front of my eyes, y’know? And all of them just fell so easily… And that was my first time seeing it, at least as far as I can remember. And when I realized you just... _Let_ it happen, didn’t even warn me like you did with Ayano and the others… I blamed you so much.  You let so many of them die. That... That was what I was thinking, at that time.”

Silence. Shintaro struggles with his words.

“But you knew.. You knew that it was going to happen anyway, even if you told me, right? Even if I tried to prevent it. That’s what happened with Ayano and Haruka and Ene… There’s only so much I could do. I really didn’t know anything.

“It’s not like everything was going to be solved in one timeline, when I hadn’t even met the others before…  I had to see it all firsthand again. I had to get close to everyone else again to fully understand what was going on.”

Shintaro pauses. “... I don’t actually know why you never activated yourself again after that timeline. Because that timeline, it was you, right? I don’t know how, but you did it...  You forcefully made me remember, way earlier than scheduled.

“You probably did that in hopes that things would change… And it did. You got what you wanted.”

He sighs.

“But, you didn’t try it again because you knew that I would hate you each time after I activated you myself, right? That’s my guess… And that’s true, you were right.

“… That lead to some timelines where I was just a jerk again, huh? Ones where I purposefully didn’t cooperate… I was a real hypocrite back then. I was angry at you for letting the other dies despite knowing… And yet I did that myself, each time I took my life again”

Shintaro opens his eyes and looks past the horizon remorsefully. “That was my bad… I let my grudge on you and my own feelings destroy everything those timelines… And I’m sorry for it.

“... And I’m probably talking too much, but, I just wanted to let you know, now that everything has happened... I don’t hate you anymore, Yaki.

“If anything, I just really wanted to say... Thank you.”

He stops talking. For a long, long moment he gets no response.

Then,

**_Why?_ **

Shintaro blinks. “Huh? _Why?_ What? But, you did it?”

No response.

“Everyone… Everyone’s alive. The Tragedy was prevented right? It… It took a really, really long time, but this is what you were trying to do the whole time, right?

“Not only that, you were _alone_ during most of it, weren’t you…? I was only aware of you for at most half an hour besides that one timeline. You were practically alone the entire time… So much time that even I can barely comprehend it, despite remembering it all.

“You did so much for everyone.

“You... You saved everyone, Yaki. You’re a hero—”

**_Don’t._ **

Yaki’s voice holds no emotion. He blinks. “Huh?”

**_You’re the hero in this story, not me. You’re one who saved everyone by bringing that girl… Bringing Ayano back from the Daze and transferring your memories to the Queen._ **

_“Our_ memories,” he corrects.

No response.

“I couldn’t have done that without you.”

No response, then,

**_I don’t deserve your thanks or praise._ **

**_You’re just forgiving me because you don’t remember the pain of dying, repeatedly, over and over… You don’t know what I was thinking each time it happened._ **

**_Don’t you get it? I gave up on you._ **

**_I didn’t trust you to stop the Tragedy that time. All the times before this… I never trusted you to actually stop the Tragedy._ **

**_Nor did I ever try to help you again like that time._ **

**_I could have forced an activation any other time after then to help you, the same way as before—_ **

“And I just said, I hated you,” he interrupts. “I would’ve refused to listen to you the moment I remembered everything. It’s not like that method had enough credibility to begin with.”

Of course it didn’t. There was no speeding up this process, really.

“And besides, you didn’t give up on me, so don’t lie like that. You still answered my questions each time after I first activated our power… And you still recorded everything. If you really gave up on me, then how are we here now?”

“So, take my thanks.”

Yaki doesn’t answer for a moment.

 **_You’re such a strange guy,_ ** she finally says. **_I was thoroughly convinced you were predictable before, but now I can just conclude that you’re weird._ **

Shintaro snorts.“And you’re _rude.”_

No response. Shintaro smiles, then looks down.

“Yaki… I don’t know if the others can talk to their snakes or anything, but I know now... You’re different from the other snakes. You really are. You’re not from the Medusa’s legend.”

He grins. “You really are something else, huh?”

No response, so he just continues talking. “Just _who_ are you? You admitted to me before that you’re a person or a sentient being… But you’re more than that, aren’t you? You’re someone who’s close to this whole situation… No, you’re connected to _everyone,_ aren’t you? Not just me. There’s a reason why you were trapped in this cycle along with us, isn’t there?”

**_…………………… Not telling._ **

Shintaro blinks, then sputters, “Wh-What?! That—Really?!”

**_Nope. Don’t press, or I won’t talk to you ever again._ **

“Don’t you think that’s a _little_ unreasonable?”

No response

“........” Shintaro sighs. “... Fineee....”

He looks up, thinking. “But that really means you _were_ someone before, right?”

 **What** **_did I just say—?_ **

“You know,” Shintaro says, ignoring her. “You always asked me, again and again: What do I plan to do now, now that I remember? You always wanted me to answer that I’d stop the tragedy, but now that that actually happened... Don’t you wonder what I’m going to do now?”

No response.

Shintaro waits.

Yaki sighs. **_Well, what are you going to do, now that the Tragedy has been stopped?_ **

Shintaro smiles and shrugs. “I was thinking… Why don’t I find a way to get you out of my head? I mean, maybe I can survive without you, and if so maybe I can get you your own body.”

**_… What._ **

**_I thought you were smart, but you just said something_ ** **really** **_stupid._ **

“What—Okay, I’m just going to pretend you didn’t say that,” Shintaro says. “Really, though. If snakes who can talk and weird powers exist, and if a girl can live in my phone and if realities can merge, why can’t I find you a new body?”

**_That’s just weird._ **

Shintaro shrugs again. “Hey, it’s not that I don’t like you. It’s just that I’d like my privacy again now that I remember that I don’t have it anymore”

**_I can be silent, if that’s what you like. Or look away for the rest of your life. That’s fine with me._ **

He shakes his head. “No, that’s not what I meant!

“It’s just… You've helped me out, this time, and you’ve waited all these hundreds of years for me to remember like this…

“Just like how you saved me… I feel like I should save you, too”

There’s another long silence. Shintaro thinks about how he’s pretty much used to these silences from Yaki, as she dwells in thought and carefully chooses her words. He waits.

 **_... I don't recall saving you nor needing saving…_ **she finally says slowly.

“But… Don’t you want to be your own person again, Yaki?”

**_You had three warnings, now two._ **

“Ack sorry…” He breathes in and exhales slowly. “Okay, then. Why don’t I ask you this instead: What do _you_ want to do from now on, Yaki?”

**_Hm?_ **

No response for a long, long time, then,

**_I don’t know._ **

“... I guess that’s a hard question to ask,” he admits. “Okay, then… If supposedly you were human, like right now, what would you want to do?”

**_... What sort of question is this?_ **

“Just answer!”

 **_If I were human…_ ** Yaki starts, **_.............................................. I would go and eat a parfait_ **.

Shintaro blinks. “A _parfait?”_

**_Mmhm. A parfait that costs a lot of money with a lot of toppings._ **

“... That’s oddly specific… I didn’t know snakes even like sweets, but, okay. Let’s go get a parfait.” He looks up, thinking. “Y’know, I’ve never had one of those before.”

**_You’re going to make me watch you eat a parfait?_ **

Shintaro winces. “Ouch, when you put it that way…”

**_What are you doing?_ **

She sounds confused. He shrugs. “I want to spend some time with you.”

**_What?_ **

“Hey. I wanted to say thanks, but just saying it doesn’t feel like enough,” Shintaro says. “You haven’t had a body for so long, so until I can get you a new one I can just, I dunno, show you what you want to see?”

**_I want to go to Paris._ **

“WITHIN my budget. I’m broke. Also, you’re interested in Paris?!”

Yaki sighs. **_This is stupid. You should spend time with your friends—who I do_ ** **not** **_want to meet, by the way. So don’t suggest it._ **

“Yeesh, okay, I won’t…” He looks ahead. “But it’s okay. I already spent time with them.”

**_So spend more time with them. You have a whole life ahead of you. Don’t you want to spend more time with your Ayano?_ **

He blinks. _“My_ Ayano…? Huh… That’s an odd phrase… I wouldn’t call her that.”

He then shakes his head. “... Well, it’s okay. I already have time in the future to spend with them, Ayano too, thanks to you.”

**_... What are you doing…_ **

Shintaro tilts his head. “Hm? I just want to spend time with you. It’s been a while.”

**_I don’t need your pity._ **

“It’s not pity, it’s gratitude! I’m being thankful right now!”

**_You’re weird._ **

_“You’re_ the weird one. Why are you so against this??”

 **_You’re_ ** **weird.**

Shintaro scowls. “Oh, don’t repeat yourself. We both don’t like that.”

Yaki doesn’t respond for a long moment. He waits.

**_… A movie._ **

“What?”

**_There was a poster of an action movie you passed by five days ago._ **

Shintaro blinks as he remembers. “... You’re into action movies…? Okay, then. Let’s go watch it.”

**_And then the amusement park on the mall again. You didn’t visit there this timeline._ **

“Really? There?”

**_I want to go on the ferris wheel._ **

“... You really are a girl, aren’t you?”

**_And then I think I’m going to take a nap._ **

“A _nap?”_ he repeats. “That’s so not girly… And I thought you snakes don’t need to sleep?”

**_I never tried. Maybe I should, now that it’s all over._ **

“... You know what, that sounds pretty good,” he says. “You really deserve some rest. I don’t need you to remember the rest of my life for me… I think I can handle that myself.”

He smiles against the summer breeze. “You do that, and I’ll find a way to let you become your own person again, alright?

“But in the meantime… Okay, a movie and then the mall. Sounds good?”

**_… You’re a weird guy, Shintaro._ **

Shintaro smiles at that, so genuinely. “What, so you actually know my name?” he asks, almost laughing.

 **_Hm?_ ** Yaki hums. **_I don’t recall forgetting._ **

He shakes his head. “Nevermind… Let’s go, Yaki.”

Shintaro leaves the rooftop behind along with an endless number of memories and, at the bottom of the railing, a single paper crane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading Route M-X :)
> 
> I’m really sorry if it seems like I just brushed away the rest of the Yuukei Quartet after spending more than half the fic having Shintaro trying to save them. What I wanted to focus on was Shintaro realizing that he values the relationships in his life, including theirs, Yaki’s, and his family’s. Like Yaki, my goal was never really to save them =w=” That was for Jin to handle.
> 
> This fic is, in a way, a love letter to Shintaro and Kagerou Project, both of which I love dearly, and also a way to show appreciation to the manga and its ending. I know a lot of people actually didn’t like the way the manga ended, but I found it really enlightening. Also, I’m just a huge fan of characters that make impulse decisions to become immortal for the sake of others and lose themselves in the process. (Pls for the love of god, if you like visual novels read House in Fata Morgana, you won’t regret it)
> 
> I’ve loved writing since I was a kid, but despite continuously creating stories in my head I never finished a multi-chaptered fic before, nor have I written my own story before. It wasn’t until after I graduated university with science degree did I realize that if I really had lived out my life as I wanted, and if the world wasn’t cruel to artists, I would’ve liked to become a writer. And this fic is a reminder to myself that I am still a writer, and I still can be if I try.
> 
> If you’ve liked my work so far, I guess I’ll just suggest you follow this twitter ;) I can’t say much about it because our current project is still in production, but I hope that I can talk about it soon (in my own social medias):
> 
> https://twitter.com/sunsetchime
> 
> SHOUTOUT AND THANK YOU to the people in Dani’s Kagerou Project Server as well as my own for supporting me while I was writing this fic. I tend to get discouraged super easily, but the messages from there were enough to keep me going and make me determined to finish this fic.
> 
> Some more links below:  
> Link to my Kagepro Discord server: https://discord.gg/YMaHw6N  
> Link to Dani’s Kagepro Discord server: https://discord.gg/Wu2wrQe  
> My twitter: https://twitter.com/yoomster  
> My art tumblr: https://yoomster.tumblr.com
> 
> Thank you, thank you, and thank you! Comments and kudos are really appreciated! And I hope you have a great day! <3


End file.
